XANTHIAS And if you find I’m guilty, take and kill me.
AEACUS Torture him, how?
XANTHIAS In any mode you please. Pile bricks upon him: stuff his nose with acid: Flay, rack him, hoist him; flog him with a scourge Of prickly bristles: only not with this, A soft-leaved onion, or a tender leek.
AEACUS A fair proposal. If I strike too hard And maim the boy, I’ll make you compensation.
XANTHIAS I shan’t require it. Take him out and flog him.
AEACUS Nay, but I’ll do it here before your eyes.
AEACUS Now then, put down the traps, and mind you speak The truth, young fellow.
DIONYSUS (in agony.) Man! don’t torture me! I am a god. You’ll blame yourself hereafter If you touch ME.
AEACUS Hillo! What’s that you are saying?
DIONYSUS I say I’m Bacchus, son of Zeus, a god, And he’s the slave.
AEACUS You hear him?
XANTHIAS Hear him? Yes. All the more reason you should flog him well. For if he is a god, he won’t perceive it.
DIONYSUS Well, but you say that you’re a god yourself. So why not you be flogged as well as I?
XANTHIAS A fair proposal. And be this the test, Whichever of us two you first behold Flinching or crying out—he’s not the god.
AEACUS Upon my word you’re quite the gentleman, You’re all for right and justice. Strip then, both.
XANTHIAS How can you test us fairly?
AEACUS Easily, I’ll give you blow for blow.
XANTHIAS A good idea. We’re ready! Now! (Aeacus strikes him), see if you catch me flinching.
AEACUS I struck you.
XANTHIAS (Incredulously.) No!
AEACUS Well, it seems “no,”’ indeed. Now then I’ll strike the other (Strikes Dio.)
DIONYSUS Tell me when?
AEACUS I struck you.
DIONYSUS Struck me? Then why didn’t I sneeze?
AEACUS Don’t know, I’m sure. I’ll try the other again.
XANTHIAS And quickly too. Good gracious!
AEACUS Why “good gracious”? Not hurt you, did I?
XANTHIAS No, I merely thought of The Diomeian feast of Heracles.
AEACUS A holy man! ’Tis now the other’s turn.
DIONYSUS Hi! Hi!
AEACUS Hallo!
DIONYSUS Look at those horsemen, look!
AEACUS But why these tears?
DIONYSUS There’s such a smell of onions.
AEACUS Then you don’t mind it?
DIONYSUS (Cheerfully.) Mind it? Not a bit.
AEACUS Well, I must go to the other one again.
XANTHIAS O! O!
AEACUS Hallo!
XANTHIAS Do pray pull out this thorn.
AEACUS What does it mean? ’Tis this one’s turn again.
DIONYSUS (shrieking.) Apollo! Lord! (calmly) of Delos and of Pytho.
XANTHIAS He flinched! You heard him?
DIONYSUS Not at all; a jolly Verse of Hipponax flashed across my mind.
XANTHIAS You don’t half do it: cut his flanks to pieces.
AEACUS By Zeus, well thought on. Turn your belly here.
DIONYSUS (Screaming.) Poseidon!
XANTHIAS There! he’s flinching.
DIONYSUS (singing) who dost reign Amongst the Aegean peaks and creeks And o’er the deep blue main.
AEACUS No, by Demeter, still I can’t find out Which is the god, but come ye both indoors; My lord himself and Persephassa there,