XANTHIAS Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh?
DIONYSUS Aye, what you will, except I’m getting crushed: Fight shy of that: I’m sick of that already.
XANTHIAS Nothing else smart?
DIONYSUS Aye, save my shoulder’s aching.
XANTHIAS Come now, that comical joke?
DIONYSUS With all my heart. Only be careful not to shift your pole,
DIONYSUS And—
XANTHIAS What?
DIONYSUS And vow that you’ve a belly-ache.
XANTHIAS May I not say I’m overburdened so That if none ease me, I must ease myself?
DIONYSUS For mercy’s sake, not till I’m going to vomit.
XANTHIAS What! must I bear these burdens, and not make One of the jokes Ameipsias and Lycis And Phrynichus, in every play they write, Put in the mouths of all their burden-bearers?
DIONYSUS Don’t make them; no! I tell you when I see Their plays, and hear those jokes, I come away More than a twelvemonth older than I went.
XANTHIAS O thrice unlucky neck of mine, which now Is getting crushed, yet must not crack its joke!
DIONYSUS Now is not this fine pampered insolence When I myself, Dionysus, son of—Pipkin, Toil on afoot, and let this fellow ride, Taking no trouble, and no burden bearing?
XANTHIAS What, don’t I bear?
DIONYSUS How can you when you’re riding?
XANTHIAS Why, I bear these.
DIONYSUS How?
XANTHIAS Most unwillingly.
DIONYSUS Does not the donkey bear the load you’re bearing?
XANTHIAS Not what I bear myself: by Zeus, not he.
DIONYSUS How can you bear, when you are borne yourself?
XANTHIAS Don’t know: but anyhow my shoulder’s aching.
DIONYSUS Then since you say the donkey helps you not, You lift him up and carry him in turn.
XANTHIAS O hang it all! why didn’t I fight at sea? You should have smarted bitterly for this.
DIONYSUS Get down, you rascal; I’ve been trudging on Till now I’ve reached the portal, where I’m going First to turn in. Boy! Boy! I say there, Boy!
HERACLES Who banged the door? How like a prancing Centaur He drove against it! Mercy on me, what’s this?
DIONYSUS Boy.
XANTHIAS Yes.
DIONYSUS Did you observe?
XANTHIAS What?
DIONYSUS How alarmed He is.
XANTHIAS Aye truly, lest you’ve lost your wits.