HERACLES Why, man alive, Poseidon, where are you off to? What, are we going to fight about one woman?
POSEIDON What shall we do?
HERACLES Do? Come to terms at once.
POSEIDON You oaf, he’s gulling you, and you can’t see it. Well, its yourself you are ruining. If Zeus Restore the kingdom to the Birds, and die, You’ll be a pauper. You are the one to get Whatever money Zeus may leave behind him.
PEISTHETAERUS O! O! the way he’s trying to cozen you! Hist, step aside, I want to whisper something. Your uncle’s fooling you, poor dupe. By law No shred of all your father’s money falls To you. Why, you’re a bastard, you’re not heir.
HERACLES Eh! What? A bastard? I?
PEISTHETAERUS Of course you are. Your mother was an alien. Bless the fool, How did you think Athene could be ‘“Heiress,”’
PEISTHETAERUS (Being a girl), if she had lawful brethren?
HERACLES Well, but suppose my father leaves me all As bastard’s heritage?
PEISTHETAERUS The law won’t let him. Poseidon here, who now excites you on, Will be the first to claim the money then, As lawful brother, and your father’s heir. Why here, I’ll read you Solon’s law about it. “A bastard is to have no right of inheritance, if there be lawful children. And if there be no lawful children, the goods are to fall to the next of kin.”
HERACLES What! none of all my father’s goods to fall To me?
PEISTHETAERUS No, not one farthing! tell me this, Has he enrolled you ever in the guild?
HERACLES He never has. I’ve often wondered why.
PEISTHETAERUS Come, don’t look up assault-and-battery-wise.
PEISTHETAERUS Join us, my boy; I’ll make you autocrat, And feed you all your days on pigeon’s milk.
HERACLES I’m quite convinced you’re right about the girl; I said Restore her; and I say so now.
PEISTHETAERUS (To Pos.) And what say you?
POSEIDON I vote the other way.
PEISTHETAERUS All rests with this Triballian. What say you?
TRIBALLIAN Me gulna charmi grati Sovranau Birdito stori.
HERACLES There! he said Restore her.
POSEIDON O no by Zeus, he never said Restore her; He said to migrate as the swallows do.
HERACLES O then he said Restore her to the swallows.
POSEIDON You two conclude, and settle terms of peace, Since you both vote it, I will say no more.
HERACLES (To Pei.) We’re quite prepared to give you all you ask. So come along, come up to heaven yourself, And take Miss Sovereignty and all that’s there.
PEISTHETAERUS So then these birds were slaughtered just in time To grace our wedding banquet.
HERACLES Would you like me
PEISTHETAERUS To stay, and roast the meat, while you three go?
POSEIDON To roast the meat! To taste the meat, you mean. Come along, do.
HERACLES I’d have enjoyed it though.
PEISTHETAERUS Ho there within! bring out a wedding robe.
CHORUS In the fields of Litigation, Near the Water-clock, a nation With its tongue its belly fills; With its tongue it sows and reaps, Gathers grapes and figs in heaps, With its tongue the soil it tills. For a Barbarous tribe it passes, Philips all and Gorgiases. And from this tongue-bellying hand Everywhere on Attic land,
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