SERVANT OF HOOPOE I run for the sardines, catching up a dish. Does he want soup? then where’s the pot and ladle? I run for the ladle.
EUELPIDES A regular running-page. Now harkye, Plover-page, run in and call Your master out.
SERVANT OF HOOPOE Great Zeus! he has just been eating Myrtles and midges, and is gone to roost.
EUELPIDES But still, do wake him.
SERVANT OF HOOPOE Well I know he won’t Like to be waked, still for your sake I’ll do it.
PEISTHETAERUS Confound the bird! he frightened me to death.
EUELPIDES O dear! O dear! my heart went pit-a-pat, My daw’s gone too,
PEISTHETAERUS (Severely.) Gone! O you coward you, You let him go!
EUELPIDES Well, didn’t you fall down, And let your crow go?
PEISTHETAERUS No, I didn’t. No!
EUELPIDES Where is she then?
PEISTHETAERUS She flew away herself.
EUELPIDES You didn’t let her go. You’re a brave boy!
HOOPOE Throw wide the wood, that I may issue forth!
EUELPIDES O Heracles, why what in the world is this? What feathering’s here? What style of triple-cresting?
HOOPOE Who be the folk that seek me?
EUELPIDES The Twelve Gods Would seem to have wrought your ruin.
HOOPOE What, do you jeer me,
HOOPOE Seeing the way I’m feathered? Strangers, I Was once a man,
EUELPIDES It’s not at you we’re laughing.
HOOPOE What is it then?
EUELPIDES Your beak looks rather funny.—
HOOPOE This is the way that Sophocles disfigures The manly form of Tereus in his Play.
EUELPIDES What, are you Tereus? Are you bird or peacock?
HOOPOE I am a bird.
EUELPIDES Then, where are all your feathers?
HOOPOE They’ve fallen off!
EUELPIDES What! from disease, or why?
HOOPOE No, but in winter-time all birds are wont To moult their feathers, and then fresh ones grow. But tell me what ye are.
EUELPIDES We? mortal men.
HOOPOE And of what race?
EUELPIDES Whence the brave gallies come.
HOOPOE Not dicasts, are ye?
EUELPIDES No, the other sort. We’re anti-dicasts.
HOOPOE Grows that seedling there?
EUELPIDES Aye in the country you can find a few, If you search closely.
HOOPOE But what brings you hither?
EUELPIDES To talk with you a little.
HOOPOE What about?
EUELPIDES You were a man at first, as we are now, And had your creditors, as we have now, And loved to shirk your debts, as we do now; And then you changed your nature, and became A bird, and flew round land and sea, and know All that men feel, and all that birds feel too. That’s why we are come as suppliants here, to ask If you can tell us of some city, soft As a thick rug, to lay us down within.
HOOPOE Seek ye a mightier than the Cranaan town?
EUELPIDES A mightier, no; a more commodious, yes.
HOOPOE Aristocratic?
EUELPIDES Anything but that! I loathe the very name of Scellias’ son.
HOOPOE What sort of city would ye like?
EUELPIDES Why, one Where my worst trouble would be such as this; A friend at daybreak coming to my door And calling out O by Olympian Zeus, Take your bath early: then come round to me, You and your children, to the wedding banquet I’m going to give. Now pray don’t disappoint me,
EUELPIDES Else, keep your distance, when my money’s—gone.
HOOPOE Upon my word, you are quite in love with troubles! And you?
PEISTHETAERUS I love the like.
HOOPOE But tell me what.
PEISTHETAERUS To have the father of some handsome lad Come up and chide me with complaints like these, Fine things I hear of you, Stilbonides, You met my son returning from the baths, And never kissed, or hugged, or fondled him, You, his paternal friend! You’re a nice fellow,
HOOPOE Poor Poppet, you are in love with ills indeed, Well, there’s the sort of city that ye want By the Red Sea.
EUELPIDES Not by the sea! Not where The Salaminian, with a process-server On board, may heave in sight some early morn. But can’t you mention some Hellenic town?
HOOPOE Why don’t ye go and settle down in Elis,
EUELPIDES At Lepreus? Leprous! I was never there, But for Melanthius’ sake I loathe the name.
HOOPOE Well then, the Opuntians up in Locris, there’s The place to dwell in!
EUELPIDES I become Opuntius! No thank you, no, not for a talent of gold. But this, this bird-life here, you know it well, What is this like?
HOOPOE A pleasant life enough. Foremost and first you don’t require a purse.
EUELPIDES There goes a grand corrupter of our life—
HOOPOE Then in the gardens we enjoy the myrtles, ’The cress, the poppy, the white sesame,
EUELPIDES Why, then, ye live a bridegroom’s jolly life.
PEISTHETAERUS Oh! Oh! O the grand scheme I see in the birds’ reach, And power to grasp it, if ye’d trust to me!
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