CHORUS Whilst the camel’s blood upon Pounced the Vampire, Chaerephon.
POSEIDON There, fellow envoys, full in sight, the town Whereto we are bound, Cloudcuckoobury, stands! (To the Triballian.) You, what are you at, wearing your cloke left-sided? Shift it round rightly; so. My goodness, you’re— A born Laispodias! O Democracy, What will you bring us to at last, I wonder, If voting Gods elect a clown like this!
TRIBALLIAN Hands off there, will yer?
POSEIDON Hang you, you’re by far The uncouthest God I ever came across. Now, Heracles, what’s to be done?
HERACLES You have heard What I propose; I’d throttle the man off-hand,
HERACLES
Whoever he is, that dares blockade the Gods.
POSEIDON My dear good fellow, you forget we are sent To treat for peace.
HERACLES I’d throttle him all the more.
PEISTHETAERUS (To Servants.) Hand me the grater; bring the silphium, you; Now then, the cheese; blow up the fire a little.
POSEIDON We three, immortal Gods, with words of greeting Salute the Man!
PEISTHETAERUS I’m grating silphium now.
HERACLES What’s this the flesh of?
PEISTHETAERUS Birds! Birds tried and sentenced For rising up against the popular party Amongst the birds.
HERACLES Then you grate silphium, do you, Over them first.
PEISTHETAERUS O welcome, Heracles! What brings you hither?
POSEIDON We are envoys, sent Down by the Gods to settle terms of peace.
SERVANT There’s no more oil remaining in the flask.
HERACLES O dear! and birds-flesh should be rich and glistering.
POSEIDON We Gods gain nothing by the war; and you, Think what ye’ll get by being friends with us; Rain-water in the pools, and halcyon days Shall be your perquisites the whole year through.
POSEIDON We’ve ample powers to settle on these terms.
PEISTHETAERUS It was not we who ever wished for war, And now, if even now ye come prepared With fair proposals, ye will find us ready To treat for peace. What I call fair is this; Let Zeus restore the sceptre to the birds, And all make friends. If ye accept this offer, I ask the envoys in to share our banquet.
HERACLES I’m altogether satisfied, and vote—
POSEIDON (Interrupting.) What, wretch? A fool and glutton, that’s what you are! What! would you rob your father of his kingdom?
PEISTHETAERUS Aye, say you so? Why ye’ll be mightier far, Ye Gods above, if Birds bear rule below. Now men go skulking underneath the clouds, And swear false oaths, and call the Gods to witness. But when ye’ve got the Birds for your allies, If a man swear by the Raven and by Zeus, The Raven will come by, and unawares Fly up, and swoop, and peck the perjurer’s eye out.
POSEIDON Now by Poseidon there’s some sense in that.
HERACLES And so say I.
PEISTHETAERUS (To Trib.) And you?
TRIBALLIAN Persuasitree.
PEISTHETAERUS You see? he quite assents. And now I’ll give you Another instance of the good ye’ll gain. If a man vow a victim to a God, And then would shuffle off with cunning words, Saying, in greedy lust, The Gods wait long, This too we’ll make him pay you.
POSEIDON Tell me how?
PEISTHETAERUS Why, when that man is counting out his money, Or sitting in his bath, a kite shall pounce Down unawares, and carry off the price Of two fat lambs, and bear it to the God.
HERACLES I say again, I vote we give the sceptre Back to the Birds.
POSEIDON Ask the Triballian next.
HERACLES You there, do you want a drubbing?
TRIBALLIAN Hideythine I’se stickybeatums.
HERACLES There! he’s all for me.
POSEIDON Well then, if so you wish it, so we’ll have it.
HERACLES (To Pei.) Hi! we accept your terms about the sceptre.
PEISTHETAERUS By Zeus, there’s one thing more I’ve just remembered. Zeus may retain his Hera, if he will, But the young girl, Miss Sovereignty, he must Give me to wife.
POSEIDON This looks not like a treaty. Let us be journeying homewards.
PEISTHETAERUS As you will. Now, cook, be sure you make the gravy rich.
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