TRYGAEUS Hillo! Hillo! What lots are coming to the wedding supper! Here, take this crest and wipe the tables down, I’ve no more use for that, at all events. And now serve up the thrushes and the cates, And the hot rolls, and quantities of hare.
SICKLE-MAKER Where, where’s Trygaeus?
TRYGAEUS Stewing thrushes here.
SICKLE-MAKER O, my best friend, Trygaeus! O what blessings Your gift of Peace has brought us. Till to-day No man would give one farthing for a sickle; And now! I’m selling them two pounds apiece. And my friend here sells casks for country use Half a crown each. Trygaeus, freely take As many casks and sickles as you please. And take this too (giving money); out of our sales and gains We bring you these, we two, as wedding presents.
TRYGAEUS Well, lay your presents down, and hie you in To join the marriage feast: here comes a man Who trades in arms: he seems put out at something.
CREST-MAKER O you’ve destroyed me root and branch, Trygaeus.
TRYGAEUS How now, poor wretch! what ails you? got a crestache?
CREST-MAKER You have destroyed my living and my trade, And this man’s too, and yon spear-burnisher’s.
TRYGAEUS What shall I give you, then, for these two crests?
CREST-MAKER What will you give?
TRYGAEUS Faith, I’m ashamed to say: Come, there’s a deal of work about this juncture; I’ll give three quarts of raisins for the pair. ’Twill do to wipe my table down withal.
CREST-MAKER Go in, then, go, and fetch the raisins out. Better have that than nothing, O my friend.
TRYGAEUS Consume the things! here, take them, take them off The hairs are dropping out; they’re not worth having. Zounds! I’ll not give one raisin for the pair.
BREASTPLATE-SELLER O what’s the use of this habergeon now? So splendidly got up: cost forty pounds.
TRYGAEUS Well, well, you shan’t lose anything by that: I’ll buy it of you at its full cost price. ’Twill do superbly for my chamber-pan.
BREASTPLATE-SELLER Come, don’t be mocking at my wares and me.
TRYGAEUS Placing three stones anent it: aint that clever?
BREASTPLATE-SELLER And how, you blockhead, can you cleanse yourself?
TRYGAEUS How? slip my hands in through the portholes, here, And here.
BREASTPLATE-SELLER What, both at once!
TRYGAEUS Yes; I’ll not cheat. I’ll have fair play: an arm for every hole.
BREASTPLATE-SELLER Sure, you won’t use a forty pounder so.
TRYGAEUS Why not, you rascal? Marry, I suppose My seat of honour’s worth eight hundred shillings.
BREASTPLATE-SELLER Well, fetch the silver out.
TRYGAEUS Plague take the thing; It galls my stern: off with you: I won’t buy it.
TRUMPETER See, here’s a trumpet, cost me two pounds ten: How in the world am I to use it now?
TRYGAEUS I’ll tell you how. Fill up this mouth with lead, Then fix a longish rod, here at the top, And there you’ll have a dropping cottabus.
TRUMPETER O me! he mocks me.
TRYGAEUS Here’s another plan:
TRYGAEUS Pour in the lead as I advised before, Then at the top suspend a pair of scales With little cords, and there’s a famous balance To weigh out figs for labourers on the farm.
HELMET-MAKER Thou hast destroyed me, dread unpitying Fate! These helmets stood me in a good four pounds. What am I now to do? who’ll buy them now?
TRYGAEUS Take them to Egypt: you can sell them there. They’re just the things they measure physic in.
TRUMPETER O, helmet-seller, we are both undone.
TRYGAEUS Why, he’s received no hurt.
HELMET-MAKER Received no hurt! Pray what’s the use of all these helmets now?
TRYGAEUS Just clap on each a pair of ears, like these, They’ll sell much better then than now they will.
HELMET-MAKER O come away, spear-burnisher.
TRYGAEUS No, no. I’m going to buy his spears: I really am.
SPEAR-BURNISHER What are you going to give?
TRYGAEUS Saw them in two, I’ll buy them all for vine-poles, ten a penny.
SPEAR-BURNISHER The man insults us: come away, my friend,
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