LYSISTRATA Ho, ladies! ladies! quick, this way, this way!
FIRST WOMAN O what’s the matter and what means that cry?
LYSISTRATA A man! a man! I see a man approaching Wild with desire, beside himself with love.
FIRST WOMAN O lady of Cyprus, Paphos, and Cythera, Keep on, straight on, the way you are going now! But where’s the man?
LYSISTRATA (pointing) Down there, by Chloé’s chapel.
FIRST WOMAN O so he is: whoever can he be!
LYSISTRATA Know you him, anyone?
MYRRHINA O yes, my dear, I know him. That’s Cinesias, my husband.
LYSISTRATA O then ’tis yours to roast and bother him well; Coaxing, yet coy: enticing, fooling him, Going all lengths, save what our Oath forbids.
MYRRHINA Ay, ay, trust me.
LYSISTRATA And I’ll assist you, dear; I’ll take my station here, and help befool And roast our victim. All the rest, retire.
CINESIAS O me! these pangs and paroxysms of love,
CINESIAS Riving my heart, keen as a torturer’s wheel!
LYSISTRATA Who’s this within the line of sentries?
CINESIAS I.
LYSISTRATA A man?
CINESIAS A man, no doubt.
LYSISTRATA Then get you gone.
CINESIAS Who bids me go?
LYSISTRATA I, guard on outpost duty.
CINESIAS O call me out, I pray you, Myrrhina.
LYSISTRATA Call you out Myrrhina! And who are you?
CINESIAS Why, I’m her husband, I’m Cinesias.
LYSISTRATA O welcome, welcome, dearest man; your name Is not unknown nor yet unhonoured here. Your wife for ever has it on her lips. She eats no egg, no apple, but she says This to Cinesias!
CINESIAS O, good heaven! good heaven!
LYSISTRATA She does, indeed: and if we ever chance To talk of men, she vows that all the rest Are veriest trash beside Cinesias.
CINESIAS Ah! call her out.
LYSISTRATA And will you give me aught?
CINESIAS O yes, I’ll give you anything I’ve got.
LYSISTRATA Then I’ll go down and call her.
CINESIAS Pray be quick. I have no joy, no happiness in life, Since she, my darling, left me. When I enter My vacant home I weep; and all the world Seems desolate and bare: my very meals Give me no joy, now Myrrhina is gone.
MYRRHINA (within) Ay, ay, I love, I love him, but he won’t Be loved by me: call me not out to him.
CINESIAS What mean you, Myrrhina, my sweet, sweet love? Do, do come down.
MYRRHINA No, no, sir, not to you.
CINESIAS What, won’t you when I call you, Myrrhina?
MYRRHINA Why, though you call me, yet you want me not.
CINESIAS Not want you, Myrrhina! I’m dying for you.
MYRRHINA Good-bye.
CINESIAS Nay, nay, but listen to the child At all events: speak to Mama, my child.
CHILD Mama! Mama! Mama!
CINESIAS Have you no feeling, mother, for your child, Six days unwashed, unsuckled?
MYRRHINA Ay, ’tis I That feel for baby, ’tis Papa neglects him.
CINESIAS Come down and take him, then?
MYRRHINA O what it is To be a mother! I must needs go down.
CINESIAS She looks, methinks, more youthful than she did, More gentle-loving, and more sweet by far. Her very airs, her petulant, saucy ways, They do but make me love her, love her more.
MYRRHINA O my sweet child, a naughty father’s child, Mama’s own darling, let me kiss you, pet.
CINESIAS Why treat me thus, you baggage, letting others Lead you astray: making me miserable And yourself too?
MYRRHINA Hands off! don’t touch me, sir,
CINESIAS And all our household treasures, yours and mine, Are gone to wrack and ruin.
MYRRHINA I don’t care.
CINESIAS Not care, although the fowls are in the house Pulling your threads to pieces?
MYRRHINA Not a bit.
CINESIAS Nor though the sacred rites of wedded love Have been so long neglected? won’t you come?
MYRRHINA No, no, I won’t, unless you stop the war, And all make friends.
CINESIAS Well, then, if such your will, We’ll e’en do this.
MYRRHINA Well, then, if such your will, I’ll e’en come home: but now I’ve sworn I won’t.
CINESIAS Come to my arms, do, after all this time!
MYRRHINA No, no—and yet I won’t say I don’t love you.
CINESIAS You love me? then come to my arms, my dearie!
MYRRHINA You silly fellow, and the baby here?
CINESIAS O, not at all—(to slave) here, take the baby home. There now: the baby’s gone out of the way; Come to my arms!
MYRRHINA Good heavens, where, I ask you!
CINESIAS Pan’s grotto will do nicely.
MYRRHINA Oh, indeed! How shall I make me pure to ascend the Mount??
CINESIAS Easy enough: bathe in the Clepsydra.
MYRRHINA I’ve sworn an oath, and shall I break it, man?
CINESIAS On my head be it: never mind the oath.
MYRRHINA Well, let me bring a pallet.
CINESIAS Not at all; The ground will do.
MYRRHINA What—one so much to me? I swear I’ll never let you lie on the ground.
CINESIAS The woman loves me, plain enough, you see.
MYRRHINA There, lie down, do make haste; I’ll take my things off But wait a minute, I must find a mattress.
CINESIAS Bother the mattress, not for me.
MYRRHINA Why yes, It’s nasty on the cords.
CINESIAS Give me a kiss.
MYRRHINA There then.
CINESIAS Smack, smack. Come back, look sharp about it?
MYRRHINA There now, lie down, see, I take off my things— But wait minute—what about a pillow?
CINESIAS But I don’t want a pillow.
MYRRHINA I do, though.
CINESIAS A veritable feast of Barmecides!
MYRRHINA Up with your head, hop up!
CINESIAS I’ve all I want.
MYRRHINA What, all?
CINESIAS Yes, all but you; come here, my precious!
MYRRHINA There goes the girdle. But remember now, You must not play me false about the peace.
CINESIAS God damn me if I do!
MYRRHINA You have no rug.
CINESIAS I want no rug, I want you in my arms.
MYRRHINA Oh, all right, you shall have me, I’ll be quick.
CINESIAS She’ll be the death of me with all these bedclothes!
MYRRHINA Up now!
CINESIAS I’m up enough, be sure of that.
MYRRHINA Some nice sweet ointment?
CINESIAS By Apollo, no!
MYRRHINA By Aphrodite, yes! say what you like.
CINESIAS Lord Zeus, I pray the ointment may be spilt
MYRRHINA Put out your hand, take some, anoint yourself.
CINESIAS I swear this stuff is anything but sweet, The brand is Wait-and-see, no marriage smell!
MYRRHINA How stupid! here I’ve brought the Rhodian kind.
CINESIAS It’s good enough, my dear.
MYRRHINA Rubbish, good man!
CINESIAS Perdition take the man that first made ointment!
MYRRHINA Here, take this flask.
CINESIAS I’ve all the flask I want. Come to my arms, you wretched creature you! No more things, please!
MYRRHINA I will, by Artemis. There go my shoes, at least. Now don’t forget, You’ll vote for peace, my dearest.
CINESIAS Oh, I’ll see. The creature’s done for me, bamboozled me, Gone off and left me in this wretched state. What will become of me? whom shall I fondle Robbed of the fairest fair? Who will be ready this orphan to dandle? Where’s Cynalopex’? where? Find me a nurse!
CHORUS OF MEN She’s left you a curse. Oh I’m so sorry, O I grieve for ye, ’Tis more than a man can bear: Not a soul, not a loin, not a heart, not a groin,
CHORUS OF MEN Can endure such pangs of despair.
CINESIAS O Zeus, what pangs and throes I bear!
CHORUS OF MEN All this woe she has wrought you, she only, the Utterly hateful, the utterly vile.
CHORUS OF WOMEN Not so; but the darling, the utterly sweet.
CHORUS OF MEN Sweet, sweet, do you call her? Vile, vile, I repeat. Zeus, send me a storm and a whirlwind, I pray, To whisk her away, like a bundle of hay, Up, up, to the infinite spaces, And toss her and swirl her, and twist her, and twirl her, Till, tattered and torn, to the earth she is borne, To be crushed—in my ardent embraces. (Enter Herald)
HERALD Whaur sall a body fin’ the Athanian senate, Or the gran’ lairds? Ha’ gotten news to tell.
MAGISTRATE News have you, friend? And what in the world are you?
HERALD A heralt, billie! jist a Spartian heralt, Come, by the Twa, anent a Peace, ye ken.
MAGISTRATE And so you come with a spear beneath your armpit!
HERALD Na, na, not I.
MAGISTRATE Why do you turn away? Why cast your cloak before you? Is your groin A trifle swollen from the march?
HERALD By Castor This loon’s a rogue.
MAGISTRATE Look at yourself, you brute!
HERALD There’s naught amiss wi’ me, don’t play the fule.
MAGISTRATE Why then, what’s this?
HERALD A Spartan letter-staff.
MAGISTRATE (pointing to himself) Yes, if this is a Spartan letter-staff! Well, and how fare the Spartans? tell me that: And tell me truly, for I know the fact.
HERALD They’re bad eneugh, they canna weel be waur; They’re sair bested, Spartans, allies, an’ a’.
MAGISTRATE And how and whence arose this trouble first? From Pan?
HERALD Na, na, ’twer’ Lampito, I ween, First set it gangin’: then our hizzies, Risin’ like rinners at ane signal word, Loupit, an’ jibbed, an’ dang the men awa’.
MAGISTRATE How like ye that?
HERALD Och, we’re in waefu’ case. They stan’ abeigh, the lassies do, an’ vow They’ll no be couthie wi’ the laddies mair Till a’ mak’ Peace, and throughly en’ the War.
MAGISTRATE This is a plot they have everywhere been hatching, These villainous women: now I see it all. Run home, my man, and bid your people send Envoys with absolute powers to treat for peace, And I will off with all the speed I can, And get our Council here to do the same.
HERALD Nebbut, I’se fly, ye rede me weel, I’m thinkin’.
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