CHORUS O bright and joyous day, O day most sweet to all Both near and far away, The day of Cleon’s fall. Yet in our Action-mart I overheard by chance Some ancient sires and tart This counter-plea advance, That but for him the State Two things had ne’er possessed:— A stirrer-up of hate, A PESTLE of unrest. His swine-bred music we With wondering hearts admire; At school, his mates agree, He always tuned his lyre In Dorian style to play. His master wrathful grew; He sent the boy away, And this conclusion drew, This boy from all his friends Donations seeks to wile, His art begins and ends In Dono-do-rian style.
DEMUS What are they?
PAPHLAGON Oracles!
DEMUS All?
PAPHLAGON You seem surprised; By Zeus, I’ve got a chestful more at home.
SAUSAGE-SELLER And I a garret and two cellars full.
DEMUS Come, let me see. Whose oracles are these?
PAPHLAGON Mine are by Bakis.
DEMUS (To S.S.) And by whom are yours?
SAUSAGE-SELLER Mine are by Glanis, Bakis’s elder brother.
DEMUS What do they treat of?
PAPHLAGON Mine? Of Athens, Pylus, Of you, of me, of every blessed thing.
DEMUS (To S.S.) And you; of what treat yours?
SAUSAGE-SELLER Of Athens, pottage, Of Lacedaemon, mackerel freshly caught, Of swindling barley-measurers in the mart, Of you, of me. That nincompoop be hanged.
DEMUS Well read them out; and prithee don’t forget The one I love to hear about myself, That I’m to soar, an Eagle, in the clouds.
PAPHLAGON Now then give ear, and hearken to my words. KEEP THOU WELL, ERECHTHEIDES, THE ORACLE’S DRIFT, WHICH APOLLO OUT OF HIS SECRET SHRINE THROUGH PRICELESS TRIPODS DELIVERED. KEEP THOU SAFELY THE DOG, THY JAG-TOOTHED HOLY PROTECTOR.
PAPHLAGON YAPPING BEFORE THY FEET, AND TERRIBLY ROARING TO GUARD THEE, HE THY PAY WILL PROVIDE: IF HE FAIL TO PROVIDE IT, HE’LL PERISH YEA, FOR MANY THE DAWS THAT ARE HATING AND CAWING AGAINST HIM.
DEMUS This, by Demeter, beats me altogether. What does Erechtheus want with daws and dog?
PAPHLAGON I am the dog: I bark aloud for you. And Phoebus bids you guard the dog; that’s me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER It says not that; but this confounded dog Has gnawn the oracle, as he gnaws the door. I’ve the right reading here about the dog.
DEMUS Let’s hear; but first I’ll pick me up a stone Lest this dog-oracle take to gnawing me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER KEEP THOU WELL, ERECHTHEIDES, THE KIDNAPPING CERBERUS BAN-DOG WAGGING HIS TAIL HE STANDS, AND FAWNING UPON THEE AT DINNER, WAITING THY SLICE TO DEVOUR WHEN AUGHT DISTRACT THINE ATTENTION, SOON AS THE NIGHT COMES ROUND HE STEALS UNSEEN TO THE KITCHEN DOG-WISE; THEN WILL HIS TONGUE CLEAN OUT THE PLATES AND THE—ISLANDS.
DEMUS Aye, by Poseidon, Glanis, that’s far better.
PAPHLAGON Nay, listen first, my friend, and then decide. WOMAN SHE IS, BUT A LION SHE’LL BEAR US IN ATHENS THE HOLY ONE WHO FOR DEMUS WILL FIGHT WITH AN ARMY OF STINGING MOSQUITOES, FIGHT, AS IF SHIELDING HIS WHELPS WHOM SEE THOU GUARD WITH DEVOTION
PAPHLAGON BUILDING A WOODEN WALL AND AN IRON FORT TO SECURE HIM. Do you understand?
DEMUS By Apollo, no, not I.
PAPHLAGON The God, ’tis plain, would have you keep me safely, For I’m a valiant lion, for your sake.
DEMUS What, you Antileon and I never knew it!
SAUSAGE-SELLER One thing he purposely informs you not, What that oracular wall of wood and iron, Where Loxias bids you keep him safely, is.
DEMUS What means the God?
SAUSAGE-SELLER He means that you’re to clap Paphlagon in the five-holed pillory-stocks.
DEMUS I shouldn’t be surprised if that came true.
PAPHLAGON HEED NOT THE WORDS; FOR JEALOUS THE CROWS THAT ARE CROAKING AGAINST ME, CHERISH THE LORDLY FALCON, NOR EVER FORGET THAT HE BROUGHT THEE, BROUGHT THEE IN FETTERS AND CHAINS THE YOUNG LACONIAN MINNOWS.
SAUSAGE-SELLER THIS DID PAPHLAGON DARE IN A MOMENT OF DRUNKEN BRAVADO, WHY THINK MUCH OF THE DEED, CECROPIDES FOOLISH IN COUNSEL? WEIGHT A WOMAN WILL BEAR, IF A MAN IMPOSE IT UPON HER, FIGHT SHE WON’T AND SHE CAN’T: IN FIGHTING SHE’S ALWAYS A FRIGHT IN.
PAPHLAGON NAY, BUT REMEMBER THE WORD, HOW PYLUS, HE SAID, BEFORE PYLUS; PYLUS THERE IS BEFORE PYLUS.
DEMUS What mean you by that “before Pylus”?
SAUSAGE-SELLER Truly your pile of baths will he capture before you can take them.
DEMUS O dear, then bathless must I go to-day
SAUSAGE-SELLER Because he has carried off our pile of baths. But here’s an oracle about the fleet; Your best attention is required to this.
DEMUS I’ll give it too; but prithee, first of all, Read how my sailors are to get their pay.
SAUSAGE-SELLER O AEGEIDES, BEWARE OF THE HOUND-FOX, LEST HE DECEIVE THEE, STEALTHILY SNAPPING, THE CRAFTY, THE SWIFT, THE TRICKY MARAUDER. Know you the meaning of this?
DEMUS Philostratus, plainly, the hound-fox.
SAUSAGE-SELLER Not so; but Paphlagon is evermore Asking swift triremes to collect the silver, So Loxias bids you not to give him these.
DEMUS Why is a trireme called a hound-fox?
SAUSAGE-SELLER Why? A trireme’s fleet; a hound is also fleet.
DEMUS But for what reason adds he “fox” to “hound”?
SAUSAGE-SELLER The troops, he means, resemble little foxes, Because they scour the farms and eat the grapes.
DEMUS Good. But where’s the cash to pay these little foxes?
SAUSAGE-SELLER That I’ll provide: within three days I’ll do it. LIST THOU FURTHER THE REDE BY THE SON OF LETO DELIVERED; KEEP THOU ALOOF, SAID HE, FROM THE WILES OF HOLLOW CYLLENE.
DEMUS Hollow Cyllene! what’s that?
SAUSAGE-SELLER ’Tis Paphlagon’s hand he’s describing. Paphlagon’s outstretched hand, with his Drop me a coin in the hollow.
PAPHLAGON There this fellow is wrong. When he spake of the hollow Cyllene, Phoebus was hinting, I ween, at the hand of the maimed Diopeithes. Nay, but I’ve got me, for you, a wingéd oracular message, THOU SHALT AN EAGLE BECOME, AND RULE ALL LANDS AS A MONARCH.
SAUSAGE-SELLER Nay, but I’ve got me the same:— AND THE RED SEA TOO THOU SHALT GOVERN, YEA IN ECBATANA JUDGE, RICH CAKES AS THOU JUDGEST DEVOURING.
PAPHLAGON Nay, but I dreamed me a dream, and methought the Goddess Athene Health and wealth was ladling in plentiful streams upon Demus.
SAUSAGE-SELLER Nay, but I dreamed one myself; and methought of the Goddess Athene Down from the Citadel stepped, and an owl sat perched on her shoulder; Then from a bucket she poured ambrosia down upon Demus, Sweetest of scents upon you, upon Paphlagon sourest of pickles.
DEMUS Good! Good! There never was a cleverer chap than Glanis. So now, my friend, I yield myself to you; Be you the tutor of my thoughtless—Age.
PAPHLAGON Not yet! pray wait awhile, and I’ll provide Your barley-grain, and daily sustenance.
DEMUS I can’t abide your barley-talk; too often Have I been duped by you and Thuphanes.
PAPHLAGON I’ll give you barley-meal, all ready-made.
SAUSAGE-SELLER I’ll give you barley-cakes, all ready-baked,
SAUSAGE-SELLER And well-broiled fish. Do nothing else but eat.
DEMUS Make haste and do it then, remembering this, Whichever brings me most titbits to-day, To him alone I’ll give the Pnyx’s reins.
PAPHLAGON O then I’ll run in first.
SAUSAGE-SELLER Not you, but I.
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