BDELYCLEON Xanthias and Sosias! are ye fast asleep?
XANTHIAS O dear!
SOSIAS What now?
XANTHIAS Bdelycleon is up.
BDELYCLEON One of you two run hither instantly, For now my father’s got into the kitchen, Scurrying, mouselike, somewhere. Mind he don’t Slip through the hole for turning off the water. And you, keep pressing at the door.
SOSIAS Ay, ay, sir.
BDELYCLEON O heavens! what’s that? what makes the chimney rumble? Hallo, sir! who are you?
PHILOCLEON I’m smoke escaping.
BDELYCLEON Smoke? of what wood?
PHILOCLEON I’m of the fig-tree panel.
BDELYCLEON Ay, and there’s no more stinging smoke than that.
BDELYCLEON Come, trundle back: what, won’t you? where’s the board? In with you! nay, I’ll clap this log on too. There now, invent some other stratagem. But I’m the wretchedest man that ever was; They’ll call me now the son of Chimney-smoked.
SOSIAS He’s at the door now, pushing.
BDELYCLEON Press it back then With all your force: I’m coming there directly. And O be careful of the bolt and bar, And mind he does not nibble off the door-pin.
PHILOCLEON (Within) Let me out, villains! let me out to judge. What, shall Dracontides escape unpunished!
BDELYCLEON What if he should?
PHILOCLEON Why once, when I consulted The Delphian oracle, the God replied, That I should wither if a man escaped me.
BDELYCLEON Apollo shield us, what a prophecy!
PHILOCLEON O let me out, or I shall burst, I shall.
BDELYCLEON No, by Poseidon! no, Philocleon, never!
PHILOCLEON O then by Zeus I’ll nibble through the net.”
BDELYCLEON You’ve got no teeth, my beauty.
PHILOCLEON Fire and fury! How shall I slay thee, how? Give me a sword, Quick, quick, or else a damage-cessing tablet.
BDELYCLEON Hang it, he meditates some dreadful deed.
PHILOCLEON O no, I don’t: I only want to take And sell the donkey and his panniers too. ’Tis the new moon to-day.
BDELYCLEON And if it is, Cannot I sell them?
PHILOCLEON Not so well as I.
BDELYCLEON No, but much better: drive the donkey out.
XANTHIAS How well and craftily he dropped the bait To make you let him through.
BDELYCLEON But he caught nothing That haul at least, for I perceived the trick. But I will in, and fetch the donkey out. No, no; he shan’t come slipping through again. Donkey, why grieve? at being sold to-day? Gee up! why grunt and groan, unless you carry Some new Odysseus there?
XANTHIAS And, in good truth, Here is a fellow clinging on beneath.
BDELYCLEON Who? where?
XANTHIAS Why, here.
BDELYCLEON Why, what in the world is this? Who are you, sirrah?
PHILOCLEON Noman I, by Zeus.
BDELYCLEON Where from?
PHILOCLEON From Ithaca, son of Runaway.
BDELYCLEON Noman I promise to no good you’ll be. Drag him out there from under. O the villain, The place he had crept to! Now he seems to me The very image of a sompnour’s foal.
PHILOCLEON Come now, hands off: or you and I shall fight.
BDELYCLEON Fight! what about?—.
PHILOCLEON About a donkey’s shadow.
BDELYCLEON You’re a born bad one, with your tricks and fetches.
PHILOCLEON Bad! O my gracious! then you don’t know yet
PHILOCLEON How good I am: but wait until you taste The seasoned paunchlet of a prime old judge.
BDELYCLEON Get along in, you and your donkey too.
PHILOCLEON O help me, fellow-dicasts: help me, Cleon!
BDELYCLEON Bellow within there when the door is shut. Now pile a heap of stones against the door, And shoot the door-pin home into the bar, And heave the beam athwart it, and roll up, Quick, the great mortar-block.
SOSIAS (Starting) Save us! what’s that? Whence fell that clod of dirt upon my head? Belike some mouse dislodged it from above.
BDELYCLEON A mouse?
SOSIAS O, no, a rafter-haunting dicast, Wriggling about behind the tiling there.
BDELYCLEON Good lack! the man is changing to a sparrow Sure he’ll fly off: where, where’s the casting-net? Shoo! shoo there! shoo! ’Fore Zeus, ’twere easier work To guard Scione than a sire like this.
SOSIAS Well but at last we have fairly scared him in, He can’t slip out, he can’t elude us now, So why not slumber just a—just a—drop?
BDELYCLEON Slumber, you rogue! when in a little while His fellow-justices will come this way Calling him up.
SOSIAS Why sir, ’tis twilight yet.
BDELYCLEON Why then, by Zeus, they are very late to-day. Soon after midnight is their usual time To come here, carrying lights, and warbling tunes Sweet-charming-old-Sidono-Phrynichéan
BDELYCLEON Wherewith they call him out.
SOSIAS And if they come, Had we not better pelt them with some stones?
BDELYCLEON Pelt them, you rogue! you might as well provoke A nest of wasps as anger these old men. Each wears beside his loins a deadly sting, Wherewith they smite, and on with yells and cries They leap, and strike at you, like sparks of fire.
SOSIAS Tut, never trouble, give me but some stones, I’ll chase the biggest wasps-nest of them all.
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