CHORUS
Dost thou not see how bounteous we our favours free Will shower on you, Since whatsoe’er your will prepare This dupe will do. But now that you have dazzled and elated so your man,
CHORUS Make haste and seize whate’er you please as quickly as you can, For cases such as these, my friend, are very prone to change and bend.
STREPSIADES Get out! you shan’t stop here: so help me Mist! Be off, and eat up Megacles’s columns.
PHEIDIPPIDES How now, my father? what’s i’ the wind to-day? You’re wandering; by Olympian Zeus, you are.
STREPSIADES Look there! Olympian Zeus! you blockhead you, Come to your age, and yet believe in Zeus!
PHEIDIPPIDES Why prithee, what’s the joke?
STREPSIADES ’Tis so preposterous When babes like you hold antiquated notions. But come and I’ll impart a thing or two, A wrinkle, making you a man indeed. But, mind: don’t whisper this to any one.
PHEIDIPPIDES Well, what’s the matter?
STREPSIADES Didn’t you swear by Zeus?
PHEIDIPPIDES I did.
STREPSIADES See now, how good a thing is learning. There is no Zeus, Pheidippides.
PHEIDIPPIDES Who then?
STREPSIADES Why Vortex reigns, and he has turned out Zeus,
PHEIDIPPIDES Oh me, what stuff.
STREPSIADES Be sure that this is so.
PHEIDIPPIDES Who says so, pray?
STREPSIADES The Melian—Socrates, And Chaerephon, who knows about the flea-tracks,
PHEIDIPPIDES And are you come to such a pitch of madness As to put faith in brain-struck men?
STREPSIADES O hush! And don’t blaspheme such very dexterous men
STREPSIADES And sapient too: men of such frugal habits They never shave, nor use your precious ointment, Nor go to baths to clean themselves: but you Have taken me for a corpse and cleaned me out. Come, come, make haste, do go and learn for me.
PHEIDIPPIDES What can one learn from them that is worth knowing?
STREPSIADES Learn! why, whatever’s clever in the world: And you shall learn how gross and dense you are. But stop one moment: I’ll be back directly.
PHEIDIPPIDES O me! what must I do with my mad father? Shall I indict him for his lunacy, Or tell the undertakers of his symptoms?
STREPSIADES Now then! you see this, don’t you? what do you call it?
PHEIDIPPIDES That? why a fowl.
STREPSIADES Good! now then, what is this?
PHEIDIPPIDES That’s a fowl too.
STREPSIADES What both! Ridiculous! Never say that again, but mind you always Call this a fowless and the other a fowl.
PHEIDIPPIDES A fowless! These then are the mighty secrets You have picked up amongst those earth-born fellows.
STREPSIADES And lots besides: but everything I learn: I straight forget: I am so old and stupid.
PHEIDIPPIDES And this is what you have lost your mantle for?
STREPSIADES It’s very absent sometimes: ’tisn’t lost.
PHEIDIPPIDES And what have you done with your shoes, you dotard you?
STREPSIADES Like Pericles, all for the best, I’ve lost them. Come, come; go with me: humour me in this, And then do what you like. Ah! I remember
STREPSIADES How I to humour you, a coaxing baby, With the first obol which my judgeship fetched me Bought you a go-cart at the great Diasia.
PHEIDIPPIDES The time will come when you’ll repent of this.
STREPSIADES Good boy to obey me. Hallo! Socrates. Come here; come here; I’ve brought this son of mine, Trouble enough, I’ll warrant you.
SOCRATES Poor infant, Not yet aware of my suspension-wonders.
PHEIDIPPIDES You’d make a wondrous piece of ware, suspended.
STREPSIADES Hey! Hang the lad! Do you abuse the Master?
SOCRATES And look, “suthspended!” In what foolish fashion He mouthed the word with pouting lips agape. How can he learn evasion of a suit, Timely citation, damaging replies? Hyperbolus, though, learnt them for a talent.
STREPSIADES O never fear! he’s very sharp, by nature. For when he was a little chap, so high, He used to build small baby-houses, boats, Go-carts of leather, darling little frogs Carved from pomegranates, you can’t think how nice! So now, I prithee, teach him both your Logics, The Better, as you call it, and the Worse Which with the worse cause can defeat the Better; Or if not both, at all events the Worse.
SOCRATES Aye, with his own ears he shall hear them argue. I shan’t be there.
STREPSIADES But please remember this, Give him the knack of reasoning down all Justice.
Cite This Text