CHORUS That’s the man who made the treaty; There he stands Full in view; Pelt him, pelt him, pelt him, pelt him, Pelt him you! Pelt him you!
DICAEOPOLIS Heracles! what ails the fellows? Hang it all, ye’ll smash the pot!
CHORUS It is you we will smash with our stones, you detestable head.
DICAEOPOLIS O most worshipful Acharnians, why? what reason have ye got?
CHORUS Dare you ask? Traitor base! Dare you look me in the face? You who make, You alone, Private treaties of your own! Shameless heart! Shameless hand! Traitor to your fatherland!
DICAEOPOLIS But ye know not why I did it: hear me now the facts declare.
CHORUS Hear you? No! You’re to die; ’Neath a stony cairn to lie!
DICAEOPOLIS Not, O not until ye’ve heard me; worthy sirs, forbear, forbear!
CHORUS No delay! Thee to slay We’ll immediately begin.
CHORUS No debate! Thee we hate Worse than Cleon’s self, whose skin I’ll ere long Cut to shoes For the worthy Knights to use. But from you, who made a treat with the false Laconian crew, I will hear no long orations, I will surely punish you.
DICAEOPOLIS Worthy fellows, for the moment those Laconians pretermit; ’Tis a question of my treaty, was I right in making it.
CHORUS Right to make it! when with Sparta no engagement sacred stands, Not the altar, not the oath-pledge, not the faith of clasped right hands!
DICAEOPOLIS Yet I know that these our foemen, who our bitter wrath excite, Were not always wrong entirely, nor ourselves entirely right.
CHORUS Not entirely, shameless rascal? Do you such opinions dare Openly to flaunt before me? Shall I then a traitor spare?
DICAEOPOLIS Not entirely, not entirely! I can prove by reasons strong That in many points the Spartans at our hands have suffered wrong.
CHORUS This is quite a heart-perplexing, terrible affair indeed, If you mean that you will venture for our enemies to plead.
DICAEOPOLIS And if I plead not truly, or the people doubt display,
DICAEOPOLIS On a chopping-block I’m willing, whilst I speak, my head to lay.
CHORUS Why so slack, my fellow-burghers? Let us stone the naughty varlet, Let us scarify and shred him to an uniform of scarlet.
DICAEOPOLIS What a red and dangerous ember sparkled up within you then! Won’t you hear me, won’t you hear me, good Acharnians, worthy men?
CHORUS Never, never, will we hear you.
DICAEOPOLIS That will cause me bitter woe.
CHORUS If I do, perdition seize me!
DICAEOPOLIS O Acharnians, say not so.
CHORUS Know that you must die this instant.
DICAEOPOLIS Then I’ll make you suffer too. For my safety I’ve a hostage, one that’s very dear to you. Now I’ll bring him out and slay him; you shall see your darling’s end.
CHORUS O Acharnian fellow-burghers, what can words like these portend To our noble band of brethren? Think you that the man can hold Any child of ours in durance? What can make him wax so bold?
DICAEOPOLIS Now then pelt me; here’s the hostage! I will slay and will not spare. I shall speedily discover which of you for charcoal care.
CHORUS Heaven preserve us! ’tis a scuttle, ’tis my fellow-burgher true!
CHORUS Never do the thing you mention: never do, O never do!
DICAEOPOLIS Cry aloud! I’m going to slay him; I shall neither hear nor heed.
CHORUS You will slay then this charcoal-adorer, its equal in years!
DICAEOPOLIS Aye, for when I craved a hearing you refused to hear me plead.
CHORUS Ah! but now! Now you may! Whatsoever suits you say. Say you love, Say you prize, Our detested enemies. Ne’er will I Faithless prove To the scuttle which I love.
DICAEOPOLIS Well then first, the stones you gathered, throw them out upon the ground.
CHORUS Out they go! All my hoard! Prithee, lay aside the sword.
DICAEOPOLIS But I fear that in your lappets other missiles may be found.
CHORUS All are gone! Every one! See my garment shaken wide! Don’t evade Promise made. Lay, O lay the sword aside. Here’s my robe Shaken out, As I twist and twirl about.
DICAEOPOLIS You would then, would you, shake your cries aloft, And this Parnesian charcoal all but died, Slain by the madness of its fellow-burghers. And in its fright this scuttle, cuttle-wise, Voided its inky blackness on my clothes. Alas that men should carry hearts as sour— As unripe grapes, to pelt and roar, nor hear
DICAEOPOLIS A tempered statement mingled half and half; Not though I’m willing o’er a chopping-block To say my say for Lacedaemon’s folk. And yet I love, be sure, my own dear life.
CHORUS O why not bring the block out of doors without delay, And speak the mighty speech which you think will win the day? For really I’ve a longing to hear what you will say! So in the fashion you yourself prescribed, Place here the chopping-block and start your speech.
DICAEOPOLIS Well look and see, the chopping-block is here, And I’m to speak, poor little friendless I. Still never mind; I won’t enshield myself, I’ll speak my mind for Lacedaemon’s folk. And yet I fear; for well I know the moods Of our good country people, how they love To hear the City and themselves bepraised By some intriguing humbug, right or wrong, Nor ever dream they are being bought and sold. And well I know the minds of those old men Looking for nothing but a verdict-bite. Aye and I know what I myself endured At Cleon’s hands for last year’s Comedy.
DICAEOPOLIS How to the Council-house he haled me off, And slanged, and lied, and slandered, and betongued me, Roaring Cycloborus-wise; till I well nigh Was done to death, bemiryslushified. Now therefore suffer me, before I start, To dress me up the loathliest way I can.
CHORUS O why keep putting off with that shilly-shally air? Hieronymus may lend you, for anything I care, The shaggy ‘Cap of Darkness’ from his tangle-matted hair. Then open all the wiles of Sisyphus, Since this encounter will not brook delay.
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