Lucian of Samosata · Dialogues of the Gods Θεῶν διάλογοι

Lucian of Samosata, Dialogues of the Gods 22.1–25.2: Hera and Dionysus; Eros and Athene; Helius and the sun-chariot; Castor and Pollux

Hera complains to Zeus about Dionysus and his effeminate ways, and Zeus defends him and blames men for the misuse of wine. Aphrodite asks Eros why he has never struck Athene, and he answers that her eyes frighten him. Zeus rebukes Helius for letting his son drive the sun's chariot and ruin the earth, and Apollo asks Hermes how to tell Castor from Pollux.

Sections 22.1–25.2 · 1523 words · click a number to copy its link

Ἥρα ἐγὼ μὲν ᾐσχυνόμην ἄν, ὦ Ζεῦ, εἴ μοι τοιοῦτος υἱὸς ἦν θῆλυς οὕτω καὶ διεφθαρμένος ὑπὸ τῆς μέθης, μίτρᾳ μὲν ἀναδεδεμένος τὴν κόμην, τὰ πολλὰ δὲ μαινομέναις ταῖς γυναιξὶ συνών, ἁβρότερος αὐτῶν ἐκείνων, ὑπὸ τυμπάνοις καὶ αὐλῷ καὶ κυμβάλοις χορεύων, καὶ ὅλως παντὶ μᾶλλον ἐοικὼς ἢ σοὶ τῷ πατρί.

Ζεύς καὶ μὴν οὗτός γε ὁ θηλυμίτρης, ὁ ἁβρότερος τῶν γυναικῶν οὐ μόνον, ὦ Ἥρα, τὴν Λυδίαν ἐχειρώσατο καὶ τοὺς κατοικοῦντας τὸν Τμῶλον ἔλαβε καὶ τοὺς Θρᾷκας ὑπηγάγετο, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἐπʼ Ἰνδοὺς ἐλάσας τῷ γυναικείῳ τούτῳ στρατιωτικῷ τούς τε ἐλέφαντας εἷλε καὶ τῆς χώρας ἐκράτησε καὶ τὸν βασιλέα πρὸς ὀλίγον ἀντιστῆναι τολμήσαντα αἰχμάλωτον ἀπήγαγε, καὶ ταῦτα πάντα ἔπραξεν ὀρχούμενος ἅμα καὶ χορεύων θύρσοις χρώμενος κιττίνοις, μεθύων, ὡς φής, καὶ ἐνθεάζων. εἰ δέ τις ἐπεχείρησε λοιδορήσασθαι αὐτῷ ὑβρίσας ἐς τὴν τελετήν, καὶ τοῦτον ἐτιμωρήσατο ἢ καταδήσας τοῖς κλήμασιν ἢ διασπασθῆναι ποιήσας ὑπὸ τῆς μητρὸς ὥσπερ νεβρόν. ὁρᾷς ὡς ἀνδρεῖα ταῦτα καὶ οὐκ ἀνάξια τοῦ πατρός; εἰ δὲ παιδιὰ καὶ τρυφὴ πρόσεστιν αὐτοῖς, οὐδεὶς φθόνος, καὶ μάλιστα εἰ λογίσαιτό τις, οἷος ἂν οὗτος νήφων ἦν, ὅπου ταῦτα μεθύων ποιεῖ.

Ἥρα σύ μοι δοκεῖς ἐπαινέσεσθαι καὶ τὸ εὕρημα αὐτοῦ, τὴν ἄμπελον καὶ τὸν οἶνον, καὶ ταῦτα ὁρῶν οἷα οἱ μεθυσθέντες ποιοῦσι σφαλλόμενοι καὶ πρὸς ὕβριν τρεπόμενοι καὶ ὅλως μεμηνότες ὑπὸ τοῦ ποτοῦ· τὸν γοῦν Ἰκάριον, ᾧ πρώτῳ ἔδωκε τὸ κλῆμα, οἱ ξυμπόται αὐτοὶ διέφθειραν παίοντες ταῖς δικέλλαις.

Ζεύς οὐδὲν τοῦτο φής· οὐ γὰρ ὁ οἶνος ταῦτα οὐδὲ ὁ Διόνυσος ποιεῖ, τὸ δὲ ἄμετρον τῆς πόσεως καὶ τὸ πέρα τοῦ καλῶς ἔχοντος ἐμφορεῖσθαι τοῦ ἀκράτου. ὃς δʼ ἂν ἔμμετρα πίνῃ, ἱλαρώτερος μὲν καὶ ἡδίων γένοιτʼ ἄν· οἷον δὲ ὁ Ἰκάριος ἔπαθεν, οὐδὲν ἂν ἐργάσαιτο οὐδένα τῶν ξυμποτῶν. ἀλλὰ σὺ ἔτι ζηλοτυπεῖν ἔοικας, ὦ Ἥρα, καὶ τῆς Σεμέλης μνημονεύειν, ἥ γε διαβάλλεις τοῦ Διονύσου τὰ κάλλιστα.

HERA Well, Zeus, I should be ashamed if I had such a son; so effeminate, and so given to drinking; tying up his hair in a ribbon, indeed! and spending most of his time among mad women, himself as much a woman as any of them; dancing to flute and drum and cymbal! He resembles any one rather than his father.

ZEUS Anyhow, my dear, this wearer of ribbons, this woman among women, not content with conquering Lydia, subduing Thrace, and enthralling the people of Tmolus, has been on an expedition all the way to India with his womanish host, captured elephants, taken possession of the country, and led their king captive after a brief resistance. And he never stopped dancing all the time, never relinquished the thyrsus and the ivy; always drunk (as you say) and always inspired! If any scoffer presumes to make light of his ceremonial, he does not go unpunished; he is bound with vine-twigs; or his own mother mistakes him for a fawn, and tears him limb from limb. Are not these manful doings, worthy of a son of Zeus? No doubt he is fond of his comforts, too, and his amusements; we need not complain of that: you may judge from his drunken achievements, what a handful the fellow would be if he were sober.

HERA I suppose you will tell me next, that the invention of wine is very much to his credit; though you see for yourself how drunken men stagger about and misbehave themselves; one would think the liquor had made them mad. Look at Icarius, the first to whom he gave the vine: beaten to death with mattocks by his own boon companions!

ZEUS Pooh, nonsense. That is not Dionysus’s fault, nor the wine’s fault; it comes of the immoderate use of it. Men will drink their wine neat, and drink too much of it. Taken in moderation, it engenders cheerfulness and benevolence. Dionysus is not likely to treat any of his guests as Icarius was treated.—No; I see what it is:—you are jealous, my love; you can’t forget about Semele, and so you must disparage the noble achievements of her son.

Ἀφροδίτη τί δήποτε, ὦ Ἔρως, τοὺς μὲν ἄλλους θεοὺς κατηγωνίσω ἅπαντας, τὸν Δία, τὸν Ποσειδῶ, τὸν Ἀπόλλω, τὴν Ῥέαν, ἐμὲ τὴν μητέρα, μόνης δὲ ἀπέχῃ τῆς Ἀθηνᾶς καὶ ἐπʼ ἐκείνης ἄπυρος μέν σοι ἡ δᾴς, κενὴ δὲ οἰστῶν ἡ φαρέτρα, σὺ δὲ ἄτοξος εἶ καὶ ἄστοχος;

Ἔρως δέδια, ὦ μῆτερ, αὐτήν· φοβερὰ γάρ ἐστι καὶ χαροπὴ καὶ δεινῶς ἀνδρική· ὁπόταν γοῦν ἐντεινάμενος τὸ τόξον ἴω ἐπʼ αὐτήν, ἐπισείουσα τὸν λόφον ἐκπλήττει με καὶ ὑπότρομος γίνομαι καὶ ἀπορρεῖ μου τὰ τοξεύματα ἐκ τῶν χειρῶν.

Ἀφροδίτη ὁ Ἄρης γὰρ οὐ φοβερώτερος ἦν; καὶ ὅμως ἀφώπλισας αὐτὸν καὶ νενίκηκας.

Ἔρως ἀλλὰ ἐκεῖνος ἑκὼν προσίεταί με καὶ προσκαλεῖται, ἡ Ἀθηνᾶ δὲ ὑφορᾶται ἀεί, καί ποτε ἐγὼ μὲν ἄλλως παρέπτην πλησίον ἔχων τὴν λαμπάδα, ἡ δέ, εἴ μοι πρόσει, φησί, νὴ τὸν πατέρα, τῷ δορατίῳ σε διαπείρασα ἢ τοῦ ποδὸς λαβομένη καὶ ἐς τὸν Τάρταρον ἐμβαλοῦσα ἢ αὐτὴ διασπασαμένη διαφθερῶ. πολλὰ τοιαῦτα ἠπείλησε· καὶ ὁρᾷ δὲ δριμὺ καὶ ἐπὶ τοῦ στήθους ἔχει πρόσωπόν τι φοβερὸν ἐχίδναις κατάκομον, ὅπερ ἐγὼ μάλιστα δέδια· μορμολύττεται γάρ με καὶ φεύγω, ὅταν ἴδω αὐτό.

Ἀφροδίτη ἀλλὰ τὴν μὲν Ἀθηνᾶν δέδιας, ὡς φής, καὶ τὴν Γοργόνα, καὶ ταῦτα μὴ φοβηθεὶς τὸν κεραυνὸν τοῦ Διός. αἱ δὲ Μοῦσαι διὰ τί σοι ἄτρωτοι καὶ ἔξω βελῶν εἰσιν; ἢ κἀκεῖναι λόφους ἐπισείουσι καὶ Γοργόνας προφαίνουσιν;

Ἔρως αἰδοῦμαι αὐτάς, ὦ μῆτερ· σεμναὶ γάρ εἰσι καὶ ἀεί τι φροντίζουσι καὶ περὶ ᾠδὴν ἔχουσι καὶ ἐγὼ παρίσταμαι πολλάκις αὐταῖς κηλούμενος ὑπὸ τοῦ μέλους.

Ἀφροδίτη ἔα καὶ ταύτας, ὅτι σεμναί· τὴν δὲ Ἄρτεμιν τίνος ἕνεκα οὐ τιτρώσκεις;

Ἔρως τὸ μὲν ὅλον οὐδὲ καταλαβεῖν αὐτὴν οἷόν τε φεύγουσαν ἀεὶ διὰ τῶν ὀρῶν· εἶτα καὶ ἴδιόν τινα ἔρωτα ἤδη ἐρᾷ.

Ἀφροδίτη τίνος, ὦ τέκνον;

Ἔρως θήρας καὶ ἐλάφων καὶ νεβρῶν, αἱρεῖν τε διώκουσα καὶ κατατοξεύειν, καὶ ὅλως πρὸς τῷ τοιούτῳ ἐστίν· ἐπεὶ τόν γε ἀδελφὸν αὐτῆς, καίτοι τοξότην καὶ αὐτὸν ὄντα καὶ ἑκηβόλον —

Ἀφροδίτη οἶδα, ὦ τέκνον, πολλὰ ἐκεῖνον ἐτόξευσας.

APHRODITE Eros, dear, you have had your victories over most of the Gods—Zeus, Posidon, Rhea, Apollo, nay, your own mother; how is it you make an exception for Athene? against her your torch has no fire, your quiver no arrows, your right hand no cunning.

EROS I am afraid of her, mother; those awful flashing eyes! she is like a man, only worse. When I go against her with my arrow on the string, a toss of her plume frightens me; my hand shakes so that it drops the bow.

APHRODITE I should have thought Ares was more terrible still; but you disarmed and conquered him.

EROS Ah, he is only too glad to have me; he calls me to him. Athene always eyes me so! once when I flew close past her, quite by accident, with my torch, ‘If you come near me,’ she called out, ‘I swear by my father, I will run you through with my spear, or take you by the foot and drop you into Tartarus, or tear you in pieces with my own hands’—and more such dreadful things. And she has such a sour look; and then on her breast she wears that horrid face with the snaky hair; that frightens me worst of all; the nasty bogy—I run away directly I see it.

APHRODITE Well, well, you are afraid of Athene and the Gorgon; at least so you say, though you do not mind Zeus’s thunderbolt a bit. But why do you let the Muses go scot free? do they toss their plumes and hold out Gorgons’ heads?

EROS Ah, mother, they make me bashful; they are so grand, always studying and composing; I love to stand there listening to their music.

APHRODITE Let them pass too, because they are grand. And why do you never take a shot at Artemis?

EROS Why, the great thing is that I cannot catch her; she is always over the hills and far away. But besides that, her heart is engaged already.

APHRODITE Where, child?

EROS In hunting stags and fawns; she is so fleet, she catches them up, or else shoots them; she can think of nothing else. Her brother, now, though he is an archer too, and draws a good arrow—

APHRODITE I know, child, you have hit him often enough.

Ζεύς οἷα πεποίηκας, ὦ Τιτάνων κακιστε; ἀπολώλεκας τὰ ἐν τῇ γῇ ἅπαντα, μειρακίῳ ἀνοήτῳ πιστεύσας τὸ ἅρμα, ὃς τὰ μὲν κατέφλεξε πρόσγειος ἐνεχθείς, τὰ δὲ ὑπὸ κρύους διαφθαρῆναι ἐποίησε πολὺ αὐτῶν ἀποσπάσας το πῦρ, καὶ ὅλως οὐδὲν ὅ τι οὐ ξυνετάραξε καὶ ξυνέχεε, καὶ εἰ μὴ ἐγὼ ξυνεὶς τὸ γιγνόμενον κατέβαλον αὐτὸν τῷ κεραυνῷ, οὐδὲ λείψανον ἀνθρώπων ἐπέμεινεν ἄν· τοιοῦτον ἡμῖν ἡνίοχον τὸν καλὸν ἐκεῖνον καὶ διφρηλάτην ἐκπέπομφας.

Ἥλιος ἥμαρτον, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἀλλὰ μὴ χαλέπαινε, εἰ ἐπείσθην υἱῷ πολλὰ ἱκετεύοντι· πόθεν γὰρ ἂν καὶ ἤλπισα τηλικοῦτο γενήσεσθαι κακόν;

Ζεύς οὐκ ᾔδεις, ὅσης ἐδεῖτο ἀκριβείας τὸ πρᾶγμα καὶ ὡς, εἰ βραχύ τις ἐκβαίη τῆς ὁδοῦ, οἴχεται πάντα; ἠγνόεις δὲ καὶ τῶν ἵππων τὸν θυμόν, ὡς δεῖ ξυνέχειν ἀνάγκῃ τὸν χαλινόν; εἰ γὰρ ἐνδοίη τις, ἀφηνιάζουσιν εὐθύς, ὥσπερ ἀμέλει καὶ τοῦτον ἐξήνεγκαν, ἄρτι μὲν ἐπὶ τὰ λαιά, μετʼ ὀλίγον δὲ ἐπὶ τὰ δεξιά, καὶ ἐς τὸ ἐναντίον τοῦ δρόμου ἐνίοτε, καὶ ἄνω καὶ κάτω, ὅλως ἔνθα ἐβούλοντο αὐτοί· ὁ δὲ οὐκ εἶχεν ὅ τι χρήσαιτο αὐτοῖς.

Ἥλιος πάντα μὲν ἠπιστάμην ταῦτα καὶ διὰ τοῦτο ἀντεῖχον ἐπὶ πολὺ καὶ οὐκ ἐπίστευον αὐτῷ τὴν ἔλασιν· ἐπεὶ δὲ κατελιπάρησε δακρύων καὶ ἡ μήτηρ Κλυμένη μετʼ αὐτοῦ, ἀναβιβασάμενος ἐπὶ τὸ ἅρμα ὑπεθέμην, ὅπως μὲν χρὴ βεβηκέναι αὐτόν, ἐφʼ ὁπόσον δὲ ἐς τὸ ἄνω ἀφέντα ὑπερενεχθῆναι, εἶτα ἐς τὸ κάταντες αὖθις ἐπινεύειν καὶ ὡς ἐγκρατῆ εἶναι τῶν ἡνιῶν καὶ μὴ ἐφιέναι τῷ θυμῷ τῶν ἵππων· εἶπον δὲ καὶ ἡλίκος ὁ κίνδυνος, εἰ μὴ ὀρθὴν ἐλαύνοι· ὁ δὲ — παῖς γὰρ ἦν — ἐπιβὰς τοσούτου πυρὸς καὶ ἐπικύψας ἐς βάθος ἀχανὲς ἐξεπλάγη, ὡς τὸ εἰκός· οἱ δὲ ἵπποι ὡς ᾔσθοντο οὐκ ὄντα ἐμὲ τὸν ἐπιβεβηκότα, καταφρονήσαντες τοῦ μειρακίου ἐξετράποντο τῆς ὁδοῦ καὶ τὰ δεινὰ ταῦτα ἐποίησαν· ὁ δὲ τὰς ἡνίας ἀφείς, οἶμαι δεδιὼς μὴ ἐκπέσῃ αὐτός, εἴχετο τῆς ἄντυγος. ἀλλὰ ἐκεῖνός τε ἤδη ἔχει τὴν δίκην κἀμοί, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἱκανὸν τὸ πένθος.

Ζεύς ἱκανὸν λέγεις τοιαῦτα τολμήσας; νῦν μὲν οὖν συγγνώμην ἀπονέμω σοι, ἐς δὲ τὸ λοιπόν, ἤν τι ὅμοιον παρανομήσῃς ἤ τινα τοιοῦτον σεαυτοῦ διάδοχον ἐκπέμψῃς, αὐτίκα εἴσῃ, ὁπόσον τοῦ σοῦ πυρὸς ὁ κεραυνὸς πυρωδέστερος. ὥστε ἐκεῖνον μὲν αἱ ἀδελφαὶ θαπτέτωσαν ἐπὶ τῷ Ἠριδανῷ, ἵναπερ ἔπεσεν ἐκδιφρευθείς, ἤλεκτρον ἐπʼ αὐτῷ δακρύουσαι καὶ αἴγειροι γενέσθωσαν ἐπὶ τῷ πάθει, σὺ δὲ ξυμπηξάμενος τὸ ἅρμα — κατέαγε δὲ καὶ ὁ ῥυμὸς αὐτοῦ καὶ ἅτερος τῶν τροχῶν συντέτριπται — ἔλαυνε ὑπαγαγὼν τοὺς ἵππους. ἀλλὰ μέμνησο τούτων ἁπάντων.

ZEUS What have you been about, you villainous Titan? You have utterly done for the earth, trusting your car to a silly boy like that; he has got too near and scorched it in one place, and in another killed everything with frost by withdrawing the heat too far; there is not a single thing he has not turned upside down; if I had not seen what was happening and upset him with the thunderbolt, there would not have been a remnant of mankind left. A pretty deputy driver!

HELIUS I was wrong, Zeus; but do not be angry with me; my boy pressed me so; how could I tell it would turn out so badly?

ZEUS Oh, of course you didn’t know what a delicate business it is, and how the slightest divergence ruins everything! it never occurred to you that the horses are spirited, and want a tight hand! oh no! why, give them their heads a moment, and they are out of control; just what happened: they carried him now left, now right, now clean round backwards, and up or down, just at their own sweet will; he was utterly helpless.

HELIUS I knew it all; I held out for a long time and told him he mustn’t drive. But he wept and entreated, and his mother Clymene joined in, and at last I put him up. I showed him how to stand, and how far he was to mount upwards, and where to begin descending, and how to hold the reins, and keep the spirited beasts under control; and I told him how dangerous it was, if he did not keep the track. But, poor boy, when he found himself in charge of all that fire, and looking down into yawning space, he was frightened, and no wonder; and the horses soon knew I was not behind them, took the child’s measure, left the track, and wrought all this havoc; he let go the reins—I suppose he was afraid of being thrown out—and held on to the rail. But he has suffered for it, and my grief is punishment enough for me, Zeus.

ZEUS Punishment enough, indeed! after daring to do such a thing as that!—Well, I forgive you this time. But if ever you transgress again, or send another substitute like him, I will show you how much hotter the thunderbolt is than your fire. Let his sisters bury him by the Eridanus, where he was upset. They shall weep amber tears and be changed by their grief into poplars. As for you, repair the car—the pole is broken, and one of the wheels crushed—, put the horses to and drive yourself. And let this be a lesson to you.

Ἀπόλλων ἔχεις μοι εἰπεῖν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, πότερος ὁ Κάστωρ ἐστὶ τούτων ἢ πότερος ὁ Πολυδεύκης; ἐγὼ γὰρ οὐκ ἂν διακρίναιμι αὐτούς.

Ἑρμῆς ὁ μὲν χθὲς ἡμῖν ξυγγενόμενος ἐκεῖνος Κάστωρ ἦν, οὗτος δὲ Πολυδεύκης.

Ἀπόλλων πῶς διαγινώσκεις; ὅμοιοι γάρ.

Ἑρμῆς ὅτι οὗτος μέν, ὦ Ἄπολλον, ἔχει ἐπὶ τοῦ προσώπου τὰ ἴχνη τῶν τραυμάτων ἃ ἔλαβε παρὰ τῶν ἀνταγωνιστῶν πυκτεύων, καὶ μάλιστα ὁπόσα ὑπὸ τοῦ Βέβρυκος Ἀμύκου ἐτρώθη τῷ Ἰάσονι συμπλέων, ἅτερος δὲ οὐδὲν τοιοῦτον ἐμφαίνει, ἀλλὰ καθαρός ἐστι καὶ ἀπαθὴς τὸ πρόσωπον.

Ἀπόλλων ὤνησας διδάξας τὰ γνωρίσματα, ἐπεὶ τά γε ἄλλα πάντα ἴσα, τοῦ ᾠοῦ τὸ ἡμίτομον καὶ ἀστὴρ ὑπεράνω καὶ ἀκόντιον ἐν τῇ χειρὶ καὶ ἵππος ἑκατέρῳ λευκός, ὥστε πολλάκις ἐγὼ τὸν μὲν προσεῖπον Κάστορα Πολυδεύκην ὄντα, τὸν δὲ τῷ τοῦ Πολυδεύκους ὀνόματι. ἀτὰρ εἰπέ μοι καὶ τόδε, τί δήποτε οὐκ ἄμφω ξύνεισιν ἡμῖν, ἀλλʼ ἐξ ἡμισείας ἄρτι μὲν νεκρός, ἄρτι δὲ θεός ἐστιν ἅτερος αὐτῶν;

Ἑρμῆς ὑπὸ φιλαδελφίας τοῦτο ποιοῦσιν· ἐπεὶ γὰρ ἔδει ἕνα μὲν τεθνάναι τῶν Λήδας υἱέων, ἕνα δὲ ἀθάνατον εἶναι, ἐνείμαντο οὕτως αὐτοὶ τὴν ἀθανασίαν.

Ἀπόλλων οὐ ξυνετήν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, τὴν νόμην, οἵ γε οὐδὲ ὄψονται οὕτως ἀλλήλους, ὅπερ ἐπόθουν, οἶμαι, μάλιστα· πῶς γάρ, ὁ μὲν παρὰ θεοῖς, ὁ δὲ παρὰ τοῖς φθιτοῖς ὤν; πλὴν ἀλλʼ ὥσπερ ἐγὼ μαντεύομαι, ὁ δὲ Ἀσκληπιὸς ἰᾶται, σὺ δὲ παλαίειν διδάσκεις παιδοτρίβης ἄριστος ὤν, ἡ δὲ Ἄρτεμις μαιεύεται καὶ τῶν ἄλλων ἕκαστος ἔχει τινὰ τέχνην ἢ θεοῖς ἢ ἀνθρώποις χρησίμην, οὗτοι δὲ τί ποιήσουσιν ἡμῖν; ἢ ἀργοὶ εὐωχήσονται τηλικοῦτοι ὄντες;

Ἑρμῆς οὐδαμῶς, ἀλλὰ προστέτακται αὐτοῖν ὑπηρετεῖν τῷ Ποσειδῶνι καὶ καθιππεύειν δεῖ τὸ πέλαγος καὶ ἐάν που ναύτας χειμαζομένους ἴδωσιν, ἐπικαθίσαντας ἐπὶ τὸ πλοῖον σώζειν τοὺς ἐμπλέοντας.

Ἀπόλλων ἀγαθήν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, καὶ σωτήριον λέγεις τὴν τέχνην.

APOLLO Hermes, have you any idea which of those two is Castor, and which is Pollux? I never can make out.

HERMES It was Castor yesterday, and Pollux to-day.

APOLLO How do you tell? They are exactly alike.

HERMES Why, Pollux’s face is scarred with the wounds he got in boxing; those that Amycus, the Bebrycian, gave him, when he was on that expedition with Jason, are particularly noticeable. Castor has no marks; his face is all right.

APOLLO Good; I am glad I know that. Everything else is the same for both. Each has his half egg-shell, with the star on top, each his javelin and his white horse. I am always calling Pollux Castor, and Castor Pollux. And, by the way, why are they never both here together? Why should they be alternately gods and shades?

HERMES That is their brotherly way. You see, it was decreed that one of the sons of Leda must die, and the other be immortal; and by this arrangement they split the immortality between them.

APOLLO Rather a stupid way of doing it: if one of them is to be in Heaven, whilst the other is underground, they will never see one another at all; and I suppose that is just what they wanted to do. Then again: all the other gods practise some useful profession, either here or on earth; for instance, I am a prophet, Asclepius is a doctor, you are a first-rate gymnast and trainer, Artemis ushers children into the world; now what are these two going to do? surely two such great fellows are not to have a lazy time of it?

HERMES Oh no. Their business is to wait upon Posidon, and ride the waves; and if they see a ship in distress, they go aboard of her, and save the crew.

APOLLO A most humane profession.

People and places in this passage

English translation by H. W. Fowler and F. G. Fowler (1905). Original text: Karl Jacobitz (ed.), Luciani Samosatensis Opera, Leipzig: Teubner, 1909 (Greek text as digitised by Perseus).

Greek text and translation from the Perseus Digital Library, Tufts University, CC BY-SA 4.0 (Perseus Digital Library, Greek text); translation public domain. Introductions, summaries and notes © GreekMythology.com.