Τυχιάδης τί ποτε ἄρα, ὦ Σίμων, οἱ μὲν ἄλλοι ἄνθρωποι καὶ ἐλεύθεροι καὶ δοῦλοι τέχνην ἕκαστός τινα ἐπίστανται διʼ ἧς αὑτοῖς τέ εἰσιν καὶ ἄλλῳ χρήσιμοι, σὺ δέ, ὡς ἔοικεν, ἔργον οὐδὲν ἔχεις διʼ οὗ ἄν τι ἢ αὐτὸς ἀπόναιο ἢ ἄλλῳ μεταδοίης;
Σίμων πῶς τοῦτο ἐρωτᾷς, ὦ Τυχιάδη; οὐδέπω οἶδα. πειρῶ δὴ σαφέστερον ἐρωτᾶν.
Τυχιάδης ἔστιν ἥντινα τυγχάνεις ἐπιστάμενος τέχνην, οἷον μουσικήν;
Σίμων μὰ Δία.
Τυχιάδης Τί δέ, ἰατρικήν;
Σίμων οὐδὲ ταύτην.
Τυχιάδης ἀλλὰ γεωμετρίαν;
Σίμων οὐδαμῶς.
Τυχιάδης τί δέ, ῥητορικήν; φιλοσοφίας μὲν γὰρ τοσοῦτον ἀπέχεις ὅσον καὶ ἡ κακία.
Σίμων ἐγὼ μέν, εἰ οἷόν τε εἶναι, καὶ πλεῖον. ὥστε μὴ δόκει τοῦτο καθάπερ ἀγνοοῦντι ὀνειδίσαι· φημὶ γὰρ κακὸς εἶναι καὶ χείρων ἢ σὺ δοκεῖς.
Τυχιάδης ναί. ἀλλὰ ταύτας μὲν ἴσως τὰς τέχνας οὐκ ἐξέμαθες διὰ μέγεθος αὐτῶν καὶ δυσκολίαν, τῶν δὲ δημοτικῶν τινα, τεκτονικὴν ἢ σκυτοτομικήν; καὶ γὰρ οὐδὲ τἄλλα οὕτως ἔχει σοι, ὡς μὴ καὶ τοιαύτης ἂν δεηθῆναι τέχνης.
Σίμων ὀρθῶς λέγεις, ὦ Τυχιάδη· ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ γὰρ τούτων οὐδεμιᾶς ἐπιστήμων εἰμί.
Τυχιάδης τίνος οὖν ἑτέρας;
Σίμων τίνος; ὡς ἐγὼ οἶμαι, γενναίας· ἣν εἰ μάθοις, καὶ σὲ ἐπαινέσειν οἴομαι. ἔργῳ μὲν οὖν κατορθοῦν φημι ἤδη, εἰ δέ σοι καὶ λόγῳ, οὐκ ἔχω εἰπεῖν.
Τυχιάδης τίνα ταύτην;
Σίμων οὔπω μοι δοκῶ τοὺς περὶ ταύτην ἐκμεμελετηκέναι λόγους. ὥστε ὅτι τέχνην μέν τινα ἐπίσταμαι, ὑπάρχει ἤδη σοι γιγνώσκειν καὶ μὴ διὰ τοῦτο χαλεπῶς μοι ἔχειν· ἥντινα δέ, αὖθις ἀκούσῃ.
Τυχιάδης ἀλλʼ οὐκ ἀνέξομαι.
Σίμων τό γε τῆς τέχνης παράδοξον ἴσως φανεῖταί σοι ἀκούσαντι.
Τυχιάδης καὶ μὴν διὰ τοῦτο σπουδάζω μαθεῖν.
Σίμων εἰσαῦθις, ὦ Τυχιάδη.
Τυχιάδης μηδαμῶς, ἀλλʼ ἤδη λέγε, εἰ μή περ ἄρα αἰσχύνῃ.
Σίμων ἡ παρασιτική.
TYCHIADES I am curious about you, Simon. Ordinary people, free and slaves alike, have some trade or profession that enables them to benefit themselves and others; you seem to be an exception.
SIMON I do not quite see what you mean, Tychiades; put it a little clearer.
TYCHIADES I want to know whether you have a profession of any sort; for instance, are you a musician?
SIMON Certainly not.
TYCHIADES A doctor?
SIMON No.
TYCHIADES A mathematician?
SIMON No.
TYCHIADES Do you teach rhetoric, then? I need not ask about philosophy; you have about as much to do with that as sin has.
SIMON Less, if possible. Do not imagine that you are enlightening me upon my failings. I acknowledge myself a sinner—worse than you take me for.
TYCHIADES Very well. But possibly you have abstained from these professions because nothing great is easy. Perhaps a trade is more in your way; are you a carpenter or cobbler? Your circumstances are hardly such as to make a trade superfluous.
SIMON Quite true. Well, I have no skill in any of these.
TYCHIADES But in——?
SIMON An excellent one, in my opinion; if you were acquainted with it you would agree, I am sure. I can claim to be a practical master in the art by this time; whether I can give an account of my faith is another question.
Τυχιάδης κᾆτα εἰ μὴ μαίνοιτό τις, ὦ Σίμων, τέχνην ταύτην φαίη ἄν;
Σίμων ἔγωγε· εἰ δέ σοι μαίνεσθαι δοκῶ, τοῦ μηδεμίαν ἄλλην ἐπίστασθαι τέχνην αἰτίαν εἶναί μοι τὴν μανίαν δόκει καί με τῶν ἐγκλημάτων ἤδη ἀφίει. φασὶ γὰρ τὴν δαίμονα ταύτην τὰ μὲν ἄλλα χαλεπὴν εἶναι τοῖς ἔχουσι, παραιτεῖσθαι δὲ τῶν ἁμαρτημάτων αὐτοὺς ὥσπερ διδάσκαλον ἢ παιδαγωγὸν τούτων ἀναδεχομένην εἰς αὑτὴν τὰς αἰτίας.
Τυχιάδης οὐκοῦν, ὦ Σίμων, ἡ παρασιτικὴ τέχνη ἐστί;
Σίμων τέχνη γάρ, κἀγὼ ταύτης δημιουργός.
Τυχιάδης καὶ σὺ ἄρα παράσιτος;
Σίμων πάνυ ὠνείδισας, ὦ Τυχιάδη.
Τυχιάδης ἀλλʼ οὐκ ἐρυθριᾷς παράσιτον σαυτὸν καλῶν;
Σίμων οὐδαμῶς· αἰσχυνοίμην γὰρ ἄν, εἰ μὴ λέγοιμι.
Τυχιάδης καὶ νὴ Δία ὁπόταν σε βουλώμεθα γνωρίζειν τῶν οὐκ ἐπισταμένων τῳ, ὅτε χρῄζοι μαθεῖν, ὁ παράσιτος δῆλον ὅτι φήσομεν εὖ λέγοντες;
Σίμων πολὺ μᾶλλον τοῦτο λέγοντες ἐμὲ ἢ Φειδίαν ἀγαλματοποιόν· χαίρω γὰρ τῇ τέχνῃ οὐδέν τι ἧττον ἢ Φειδίας ἔχαιρε τῷ Διί.
Τυχιάδης καὶ μὴν ἐκεῖνό μοι σκοποῦντι προοῖσται γέλως πάμπολυς.
Σίμων τὸ ποῖον;
Τυχιάδης εἴ γε καὶ ταῖς ἐπιστολαῖς ἄνωθεν ὥσπερ ἔθος ἐπιγράφοιμεν, Σίμωνι παρασίτῳ.
Σίμων καὶ μὴν ἂν ἐμοὶ μᾶλλον χαρίζοιο ἢ Δίωνι ἐπιγράφων φιλοσόφῳ.
TYCHIADES What is it?
SIMON No, I do not think I have got up the theory of it sufficiently. For the present, rest assured that I have a profession, and cease your strictures on that head. Its nature you shall know another time.
TYCHIADES No, no; I will not be put off like that.
SIMON Well, I am afraid my profession would be rather a shock to you.
TYCHIADES I like shocks.
SIMON Well, I will tell you some day.
TYCHIADES Now, I say; or else I shall know you are ashamed of it.
SIMON Well, then, I sponge.
TYCHIADES Why, what sane man would call sponging a profession?
SIMON I, for one. And if you think I am not sane, put down my innocence of other professions to insanity, and let that be my sufficient excuse. My lady Insanity, they say, is unkind to her votaries in most respects; but at least she excuses their offences, which she makes herself responsible for, like a schoolmaster or tutor.
TYCHIADES So sponging is an art, eh?
SIMON It is; and I profess it.
TYCHIADES So you are a sponger?
SIMON What an awful reproach!
TYCHIADES What! you do not blush to call yourself a sponger?
SIMON On the contrary, I should be ashamed of not calling myself so.
Τυχιάδης ἀλλὰ σὺ μὲν ὅπως χαίρεις καλούμενος, οὐδὲν ἢ μικρόν μοι μέλει· σκοπεῖν δὲ δεῖ καὶ τὴν ἄλλην ἀτοπίαν.
Σίμων τίνα μήν;
Τυχιάδης εἰ καὶ ταύτην ταῖς ἄλλαις τέχναις ἐγκαταλέξομεν, ὥστε ἐπειδὰν πυνθάνηταί τις, ὁποία τις αὕτη τέχνη ἐστί, λέγειν, οἷον γραμματικὴ ἢ ἰατρική, παρασιτική.
Σίμων ἐγὼ μέν, ὦ Τυχιάδη, πολὺ μᾶλλον ταύτην ἤ τινα ἑτέραν τέχνην φαίην ἄν. εἰ δέ σοι φίλον ἀκούειν, καὶ ὅπως οἴομαι λέγοιμι ἄν, καίπερ οὐ παντάπασιν ὤν, ὡς ἔφθην εἰπών, ἐπὶ τοῦτο παρεσκευασμένος.
Τυχιάδης οὐθέν, εἰ καὶ σμικρὰ λέγοις, ἀληθῆ δέ, διοίσει.
Σίμων ἴθι δὴ πρῶτον, εἴ σοι δοκεῖ, περὶ τῆς τέχνης, ἥτις ποτὲ οὖσα τυγχάνει τῷ γένει, σκοπῶμεν· οὑτωσὶ γὰρ ἐπακολουθήσαιμεν ἂν καὶ ταῖς κατʼ εἶδος τέχναις, εἴπερ ἄρα ὀρθῶς μετέχοιεν αὐτῆς.
Τυχιάδης τί ποτʼ οὖν ἐστιν ἡ τέχνη; πάντως ἐπίστασαι.
Σίμων πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
Τυχιάδης μὴ τοίνυν ὄκνει λέγειν αὐτήν, εἴπερ οἶσθα.
TYCHIADES And when we want to distinguish you for the benefit of any one who does not know you, but has occasion to find you out, we must say ‘the sponger,’ naturally?
SIMON The name will be more welcome to me than ‘statuary’ to Phidias; I am as proud of my profession as Phidias of his Zeus.
TYCHIADES Ha, ha, ha! Excuse me—just a particular that occurred to me.
SIMON Namely——?
TYCHIADES Think of the address of your letters—Simon the Sponger!
SIMON Simon the Sponger, Dion the Philosopher. I shall like mine as well as he his.
TYCHIADES Well, well, your taste in titles concerns me very little. Come now to the next absurdity.
SIMON Which is——?
TYCHIADES The getting it entered on the list of arts. When any one asks what the art is, how do we describe it? Letters we know, Medicine we know; Sponging?
SIMON My own opinion is, that it has an exceptionally good right to the name of art. If you care to listen, I will explain, though I have not got this properly into shape, as I remarked before.
TYCHIADES Oh, a brief exposition will do, provided it is true.
Σίμων τέχνη ἐστίν, ὡς ἐγὼ διαμνημονεύω σοφοῦ τινος ἀκούσας, σύστημα ἐκ καταλήψεων συγγεγυμνασμένων πρός τι τέλος εὔχρηστον τῷ βίῳ.
Τυχιάδης ὀρθῶς ἐκεῖνός γε εἰπὼν σύ τε ἀπομνημονεύσας.
Σίμων εἰ δὲ μετέχοι τούτων ἁπάντων ἡ παρασιτική, τί ἂν ἄλλο ἢ καὶ αὐτὴ τέχνη εἴη;
Τυχιάδης τέχνη γάρ, εἴπερ οὕτως ἔχοι.
Σίμων φέρε δὴ καθʼ ἕκαστον τοῖς τῆς τέχνης εἴδεσιν ἐφαρμόζοντες τὴν παρασιτικήν, εἰ συνᾴδει σκοπῶμεν ἢ ὁ περὶ αὐτῆς λόγος, καθάπερ αἱ πονηραὶ χύτραι διακρουόμεναι, σαθρὸν ἀποφθέγγεται. δεῖ τοίνυν πᾶσαν τέχνην σύστημα ἐκ καταλήψεων […] πρῶτον μὲν τὸ δοκιμάζειν καὶ διακρίνειν ὅστις ἂν ἐπιτήδειος γένοιτο τρέφειν αὐτόν, καὶ ὅτῳ παρασιτεῖν ἀρξάμενος οὐκ ἂν μεταγνοίη. ἢ τὸν μὲν ἀργυρογνώμονα τέχνην τινὰ φήσομεν ἔχειν, εἴπερ ἐπίσταται διαγιγνώσκειν τά τε κίβδηλα τῶν νομισμάτων καὶ τὰ μή, τοῦτον δὲ ἄνευ τέχνης διακρίνειν τούς τε κιβδήλους τῶν ἀνθρώπων καὶ τοὺς ἀγαθούς, καὶ ταῦτα οὐχ ὥσπερ τῶν νομισμάτων καὶ τῶν ἀνθρώπων φανερῶν εὐθὺς ὄντων; αὐτὰ μέντοι ταῦτα καὶ ὁ σοφὸς Εὐριπίδης καταμέμφεται λέγων· ἀνδρῶν δʼ ὅτῳ χρὴ τὸν κακὸν διειδέναι, / οὐδεὶς χαρακτὴρ ἐμπέφυκε σώματι. / ᾧ δὴ καὶ μείζων ἡ τοῦ παρασίτου τέχνη, ἥ γε καὶ τὰ οὕτως ἄδηλα καὶ ἀφανῆ μᾶλλον τῆς μαντικῆς γνωρίζει τε καὶ οἶδεν.
SIMON I think, if you agree, we had better examine Art generically first; that will enable us to go into the question whether the specific arts really belong under it.
TYCHIADES Well, what is Art? Of course you know that?
SIMON Quite well.
TYCHIADES Out with it, then, as you know.
SIMON An art, as I once heard a wise man say, is a body of perceptions regularly employed for some useful purpose in human life.
TYCHIADES And he was quite right.
SIMON So, if sponging has all these marks, it must be an art?
TYCHIADES If, yes.
SIMON Well, now we will bring to bear on sponging each of these essential elements of Art, and see whether its character rings true, or returns a cracked note like bad pottery when it is tapped. It has got to be, like all art, a body of perceptions. Well, we find at once that our artist has to distinguish critically the man who will entertain him satisfactorily and not give him reason to wish that he had sponged elsewhere. Now, in as much as assaying—which is no more than the power of distinguishing between false and true coin—is a recognized profession, you will hardly refuse the same status to that which distinguishes between false and true men; the genuineness of men is more obscure than that of coins; this indeed is the gist of the wise Euripides’s complaint:
But among men how tell the base apart? Virtue and vice stamp not the outward flesh.
τὸ δέ γε ἐπίστασθαι λόγους λέγειν ἐπιτηδείους καὶ πράγματα πράττειν διʼ ὧν οἰκειώσεται καὶ εὐνούστατον ἑαυτὸν τῷ τρέφοντι ἀποδείξει, ἆρʼ οὐ συνέσεως καὶ καταλήψεως ἐρρωμένης εἶναί σοι δοκεῖ;
Τυχιάδης καὶ μάλα.
Σίμων τὸ δέ γε ἐν ταῖς ἑστιάσεσιν αὐταῖς ὅπως παντὸς ἀπέλθοι πλέον ἔχων καὶ παρευδοκιμῶν τοὺς μὴ τὴν αὐτὴν αὐτῷ κεκτημένους τέχνην, ἄνευ τινὸς λόγου καὶ σοφίας πράττεσθαι οἴει;
Τυχιάδης οὐδαμῶς.
Σίμων τί δέ, τὸ ἐπίστασθαι τὰς ἀρετὰς καὶ κακίας τῶν σιτίων καὶ τῶν ὄψων πολυπραγμοσύνην ἀτέχνου τινὸς εἶναί σοι δοκεῖ, καὶ ταῦτα τοῦ γενναιοτάτου Πλάτωνος οὑτωσὶ λέγοντος, τοῦ μέλλοντος ἑστιάσεσθαι μὴ μαγειρικοῦ ὄντος, σκευαζομένης θοίνης ἀκυροτέρα ἡ κρίσις;
Σίμων ὅτι γε μὴν οὐκ ἐκ καταλήψεως μόνον, ἀλλὰ συγγεγυμνασμένης ἐστὶν ἡ παρασιτική, μάθοις ἂν ἐνθένδε ῥᾳδίως· αἱ μὲν γὰρ τῶν ἄλλων τεχνῶν καταλήψεις καὶ ἡμέρας καὶ νύκτας καὶ μῆνας καὶ ἐνιαυτοὺς πολλάκις ἀσυγγύμναστοι μένουσιν, καὶ ὅμως οὐκ ἀπόλλυνται παρὰ τοῖς κεκτημένοις αἱ τέχναι, ἡ δὲ τοῦ παρασίτου κατάληψις εἰ μὴ καθʼ ἡμέραν εἴη ἐν γυμνασίᾳ, ἀπόλλυσιν οὐ μόνον, οἶμαι, τὴν τέχνην, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτὸν τὸν τεχνίτην.
Σίμων τό γε μὴν πρός τι τέλος εὔχρηστον τῷ βίῳ μὴ καὶ μανίας ᾖ ζητεῖν. ἐγὼ γὰρ τοῦ φαγεῖν καὶ τοῦ πιεῖν οὐδὲν εὐχρηστότερον εὑρίσκω ἐν τῷ βίῳ, ὧν οὐδὲ ζῆν γε ἄνευ ἔστιν.
Τυχιάδης πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
So much the greater the sponger’s art, which beats prophecy in the certainty of its conclusions upon problems so difficult.
Next, there is the faculty of so directing your words and actions as to effect intimacy and convince your patron of your devotion: is that consistent with weak understanding or perception?
TYCHIADES Certainly not.
SIMON Then at table one has to outshine other people, and show the difference between amateur and professional: is that to be done without thought and ingenuity?
TYCHIADES No, indeed.
SIMON Or perhaps you fancy that any outsider who will take the trouble can tell a good dinner from a bad one. Well, the mighty Plato says, if the guest is not versed in cookery, the dressing of the banquet will be but unworthily judged.
The next point to be established is, that sponging depends not merely on perceptions, but on perceptions regularly employed. Nothing simpler. The perceptions on which other arts are based frequently remain unemployed by their owner for days, nights, months, or years, without his art’s perishing; whereas, if those of the sponger were to miss their daily exercise, not merely his art would perish, but he with it.
There remains the ‘useful purpose in human life’; it would take a madman to question that here. I find nothing that serves a more useful purpose in human life than eating and drinking; without them you cannot live.
TYCHIADES That is true.
Σίμων καὶ μὴν οὐδὲ τοιοῦτόν τί ἐστιν ἡ παρασιτικὴ ὁποῖον τὸ κάλλος καὶ ἡ ἰσχύς, ὥστε τέχνην μὲν μὴ δοκεῖν αὐτήν, δύναμιν δέ τινα τοιαύτην.
Τυχιάδης ἀληθῆ λέγεις.
Σίμων ἀλλὰ μέντοι οὐδὲ ἀτεχνία ἐστίν· ἡ γὰρ ἀτεχνία οὐδέποτε οὐδὲν κατορθοῖ τῷ κεκτημένῳ. φέρε γάρ, εἰ ἐπιτρέψειας σὺ σεαυτῷ ναῦν ἐν θαλάττῃ καὶ χειμῶνι μὴ ἐπιστάμενος κυβερνᾶν, σωθείης ἄν;
<Τυχιάδης> <οὐδαμῶς.>
<Σίμων> <τί δʼ, εἰ ἵππους ἐπιτραφθείη τις μὴ ἐπιστάμενος ἠνιοχεῖν;>
Τυχιάδης οὐδʼ οὗτος.
Σίμων τί δή ποτε, ἢ τῷ μὴ ἔχειν τέχνην, διʼ ἧς δυνήσεται σώζειν ἑαυτόν;
Τυχιάδης καὶ μάλα.
Σίμων οὐκοῦν καὶ παράσιτος ὑπὸ τῆς παρασιτικῆς, εἴπερ ἦν ἀτεχνία, οὐκ ἂν ἐσώζετο;
Τυχιάδης ναί.
Σίμων οὐκοῦν τέχνῃ σώζεται, ἀτεχνίᾳ δὲ οὔ;
Τυχιάδης πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
Σίμων τέχνη ἄρα ἐστὶν ἡ παρασιτική.
Τυχιάδης τέχνη, ὡς ἔοικεν.
Σίμων καὶ μὴν κυβερνήτας μὲν ἀγαθοὺς ναυαγίᾳ περιπεσόντας καὶ ἡνιόχους τεχνίτας ἐκπεσόντας τῶν δίφρων οἶδα ἐγὼ πολλάκις, καὶ τοὺς μὲν συντριβέντας, τοὺς δὲ καὶ πάμπαν διαφθαρέντας, παρασίτου δὲ ναυάγιον οὐδὲ εἷς ἔχοι τοιοῦτον εἰπεῖν.
οὐκοῦν εἰ μήτε ἀτεχνία ἐστὶν ἡ παρασιτικὴ μήτε δύναμις, σύστημα δέ τι ἐκ καταλήψεων γεγυμνασμένων, τέχνη δῆλον ὅτι διωμολόγηται ἡμῖν σήμερον.
SIMON Moreover, sponging is not to be classed with beauty and strength, and so called a quality instead of an art?
TYCHIADES No.
SIMON And, in the sphere of art, it does not denote the negative condition, of unskilfulness. That never brings its owner prosperity. Take an instance: if a man who did not understand navigation took charge of a ship in a stormy sea, would he be safe?
TYCHIADES Not he.
SIMON Why, now? Because he wants the art which would enable him to save his life?
TYCHIADES Exactly.
SIMON It follows that, if sponging was the negative of art, the sponger would not save his life by its means?
TYCHIADES Yes.
SIMON A man is saved by art, not by the absence of it?
TYCHIADES Quite so.
SIMON So sponging is an art?
TYCHIADES Apparently.
SIMON Let me add that I have often known even good navigators and skilful drivers come to grief, resulting with the latter in bruises and with the former in death but no one will tell you of a sponger who ever made shipwreck. Very well, then, sponging is neither the negative of art, nor is it a quality; but it is a body of perceptions regularly employed. So it emerges from the present discussion an art.
Τυχιάδης ὅσον ἐκ τούτου εἰκάζω· ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνο, ὅπως καὶ ὅρον ἡμῖν τινα γενναῖον ἀποδῷς τῆς παρασιτικῆς.
Σίμων ὀρθῶς σύ γε λέγων. δοκεῖ γὰρ δή μοι οὕτως ἂν μάλιστα ὡρίσθαι· παρασιτική ἐστιν τέχνη ποτέων καὶ βρωτέων καὶ τῶν διὰ ταῦτα λεκτέων καὶ πρακτέων, τέλος δὲ αὐτῆς τὸ ἡδύ.
Τυχιάδης ὑπέρευγέ μοι δοκεῖς ὁρίσασθαι τὴν σεαυτοῦ τέχνην· ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνο σκόπει, μὴ πρὸς ἐνίους τῶν φιλοσόφων μάχη σοι περὶ τοῦ τέλους ᾖ.
Σίμων καὶ μὴν ἀπόχρη γε εἴπερ ἔσται τὸ αὐτὸ τέλος εὐδαιμονίας καὶ παρασιτικῆς.
Σίμων φανεῖται δὲ οὕτως· ὁ γὰρ σοφὸς Ὅμηρος τὸν τοῦ παρασίτου βίον θαυμάζων ὡς ἄρα μακάριος καὶ ζηλωτὸς εἴη μόνος, οὕτω φησίν· οὐ γὰρ ἔγωγέ τί φημι τέλος χαριέστερον εἶναι, / ἢ ὅτʼ ἂν εὐφροσύνη μὲν ἔχῃ κάτα δῆμον ἅπαντα, / δαιτυμόνες δʼ ἀνὰ δώματʼ ἀκουάζωνται ἀοιδοῦ / ἥμενοι ἑξείης, παρὰ δὲ πλήθωσι τράπεζαι / σίτου καὶ κρειῶν, μέθυ δʼ ἐκ κρητῆρος ἀφύσσων / οἰνοχόος φορέῃσι καὶ ἐγχείῃ δεπάεσσι. / καὶ ὡς οὐχ ἱκανῶς ταῦτα θαυμάζων μᾶλλον τὴν αὑτοῦ γνώμην ποιεῖ φανερωτέραν εὖ λέγων· τοῦτό τί μοι κάλλιστον ἐνὶ φρεσὶν εἴδεται εἶναι, οὐχ ἕτερόν τι, ἐξ ὧν φησιν, ἢ τὸ παρασιτεῖν εὔδαιμον νομίζων. καὶ μὴν οὐδὲ τῷ τυχόντι ἀνδρὶ περιτέθεικε τούτους τοὺς λόγους, ἀλλὰ τῷ σοφωτάτῳ τῶν ὅλων. καίτοι γε εἴπερ ἐβούλετο Ὀδυσσεὺς τὸ κατὰ τοὺς Στωϊκοὺς ἐπαινεῖν τέλος, ἐδύνατο ταυτὶ λέγειν ὅτε τὸν Φιλοκτήτην ἀνήγαγεν ἐκ τῆς Λήμνου, ὅτε τὸ Ἴλιον ἐξεπόρθησεν, ὅτε τοὺς Ἕλληνας φεύγοντας κατέσχεν, ὅτε εἰς Τροίαν εἰσῆλθεν ἑαυτὸν μαστιγώσας καὶ κακὰ καὶ Στωϊκὰ ῥάκη ἐνδύς· ἀλλὰ τότε οὐκ εἶπε τοῦτο τέλος χαριέστερον. ἀλλὰ μὴν καὶ ἐν τῷ τῶν Ἐπικουρείων βίῳ γενόμενος αὖθις παρὰ τῇ Καλυψοῖ, ὅτε αὐτῷ ὑπῆρχεν ἐν ἀργίᾳ τε βιοτεύειν καὶ τρυφᾶν καὶ βινεῖν τὴν Ἄτλαντος θυγατέρα καὶ κινεῖν πάσας τὰς λείας κινήσεις, οὐδὲ τότε εἶπε τοῦτο τὸ τέλος χαριέστερον, ἀλλὰ τὸν τῶν παρασίτων βίον. ἐκαλοῦντο δὲ δαιτυμόνες οἱ παράσιτοι τότε. πῶς οὖν λέγει; πάλιν γὰρ ἄξιον ἀναμνησθῆναι τῶν ἐπῶν· οὐδὲν γὰρ οἷον ἀκούειν αὐτῶν πολλάκις λεγομένων· δαιτυμόνες καθήμενοι ἑξείης· καί· παρὰ δὲ πλήθωσι τράπεζαι / σίτου καὶ κρειῶν. /
TYCHIADES That seems to be the upshot. But now proceed to give us a good definition of your art.
SIMON Well thought of. And I fancy this will about do: Sponging is the art of eating and drinking, and of the talk by which these may be secured; its end is Pleasure.
TYCHIADES A very good definition, I think. But I warn you that your end will bring you into conflict with some of the philosophers.
SIMON Ah well, if sponging agrees with Happiness about the end, we may be content.
And that it does I will soon show you. The wise Homer, admiring the sponger’s life as the only blissful enviable one, has this:
I say no fairer end may be attained Than when the people is attuned to mirth, . . . . . and groans the festal board With meat and bread, and the cup-bearer’s ladle From flowing bowl to cup the sweet wine dips.
As if this had not made his admiration quite clear enough, he lays a little more emphasis, good man, on his personal opinion:
This in my heart I count the highest bliss.
Moreover, the character to whom he entrusts these words is not just any one; it is the wisest of the Greeks. Well now, if Odysseus had cared to say a word for the end approved by the Stoics, he had plenty of chances—when he brought back Philoctetes from Lemnos, when he sacked Troy, when he stopped the Greeks from giving up, or when he made his way into Troy by scourging himself and putting on rags bad enough for any Stoic. But no; he never said theirs was a fairer end. And again, when he was living an Epicurean life with Calypso, when he could spend idle luxurious days, enjoying the daughter of Atlas and giving the rein to every soft emotion, even then he had not his fairer end; that was still the life of the sponger. Banqueter was the word used for sponger in his day; what does he say? I must quote the lines again; nothing like repetition: ‘The banqueters in order set’; and ‘groans the festal board With meat and bread.’
Cite This Text