Μένιππος ὦ χαῖρε μέλαθρον πρόπυλά θʼ ἑστίας ἐμῆς, / ὡς ἄσμενός ς’ ἐσεῖδον ἐς φάος μολών. /
Φίλος οὐ Μένιππος οὗτός ἐστιν ὁ κύων; οὐ μὲν οὖν ἄλλος, εἰ μὴ ἐγὼ παραβλέπω· Μένιππος ὅλος. τί οὖν αὐτῷ βούλεται τὸ ἀλλόκοτον τοῦ σχήματος, πῖλος καὶ λύρα καὶ λεοντῆ; πλὴν ἀλλὰ προσιτέον γε αὐτῷ. χαῖρε, ὦ Μένιππε· πόθεν ἡμῖν ἀφῖξαι; πολὺς γὰρ χρόνος οὐ πέφηνας ἐν τῇ πόλει.
Μένιππος ἥκω νεκρῶν κευθμῶνα καὶ σκότου πύλας λιπών, ἵνʼ Ἅιδης χωρὶς ᾤκισται θεῶν.
Φίλος Ἡράκλεις, ἐλελήθει Μένιππος ἡμᾶς ἀποθανών, κᾆτα ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς ἀναβεβίωκεν;
Μένιππος οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ἔτʼ ἔμπνουν Ἀΐδης μʼ ἐδέξατο.
Φίλος τίς δὴ αἰτία σοι τῆς καινῆς καὶ παραδόξου ταύτης ἀποδημίας;
Μένιππος νεότης μʼ ἐπῆρε καὶ θράσος τοῦ νοῦ πλέον.
Φίλος παῦσαι, μακάριε, τραγῳδῶν καὶ λέγε οὑτωσί πως ἁπλῶς καταβὰς ἀπὸ τῶν ἰαμβείων, τίς ἡ στολή; τί σοι τῆς κάτω πορείας ἐδέησεν; ἄλλως γὰρ οὐχ ἡδεῖά τις οὐδὲ ἀσπάσιος ἡ ὁδός.
Μένιππος ὦ φιλότης, χρειώ με κατήγαγεν εἰς Ἀΐδαο ψυχῇ χρησόμενον Θηβαίου Τειρεσίαο.
Φίλος οὗτος, ἀλλʼ ἦ παραπαίεις· οὐ γὰρ ἂν οὕτως ἐμμέτρως ἐρραψῴδεις πρὸς ἄνδρας φίλους.
Μένιππος μὴ θαυμάσῃς, ὦ ἑταῖρε· νεωστὶ γὰρ Εὐριπίδῃ καὶ Ὁμήρῳ συγγενόμενος οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως ἀνεπλήσθην τῶν ἐπῶν καὶ αὐτόματά μοι τὰ μέτρα ἐπὶ τὸ στόμα ἔρχεται.
MENIPPUS All hail, my roof, my doors, my hearth and home! How sweet again to see the light and thee!
PHILONIDES Menippus the cynic, surely; even so, or there are visions about. Menippus, every inch of him. What has he been getting himself up like that for? sailor’s cap, lyre, and lion-skin? However, here goes.—How are you, Menippus? where do you spring from? You have disappeared this long time.
MENIPPUS Death’s lurking-place I leave, and those dark gates Where Hades dwells, a God apart from Gods.
PHILONIDES Good gracious! has Menippus died, all on the quiet, and come to life for a second spell?
MENIPPUS Not so; a living guest in Hades I.
PHILONIDES But what induced you to take this queer original journey?
MENIPPUS Youth drew me on—too bold, too little wise.
PHILONIDES My good man, truce to your heroics; get off those iambic stilts, and tell me in plain prose what this get-up means; what did you want with the lower regions? It is a journey that needs a motive to make it attractive.
MENIPPUS Dear friend, to Hades’ realms I needs must go, To counsel with Tiresias of Thebes.
PHILONIDES Man, you must be mad; or why string verses instead of talking like one friend with another?
MENIPPUS My dear fellow, you need not be so surprised. I have just been in Euripides’s and Homer’s company; I suppose I am full to the throat with verse, and the numbers come as soon as I open my mouth. But how are things going up here? what is Athens about?
PHILONIDES Oh, nothing new; extortion, perjury, forty per cent, face-grinding.
Μένιππος ἀτὰρ εἰπέ μοι, πῶς τὰ ὑπὲρ γῆς ἔχει καὶ τί ποιοῦσιν οἱ ἐν τῇ πόλει;
Φίλος καινὸν οὐδέν, ἀλλʼ οἷα καὶ πρὸ τοῦ· ἁρπάζουσιν, ἐπιορκοῦσιν, τοκογλυφοῦσιν, ὀβολοστατοῦσιν.
Μένιππος ἄθλιοι καὶ κακοδαίμονες· οὐ γὰρ ἴσασιν οἷα ἔναγχος κεκύρωται παρὰ τοῖς κάτω καὶ οἷα κεχειροτόνηται τὰ ψηφίσματα κατὰ τῶν πλουσίων, ἃ μὰ τὸν Κέρβερον οὐδεμία μηχανὴ τὸ διαφυγεῖν αὐτούς.
Φίλος τί φής; δέδοκταί τι νεώτερον τοῖς κάτω περὶ τῶν ἐνθάδε;
Μένιππος νὴ Δία, καὶ πολλά γε· ἀλλʼ οὐ θέμις ἐκφέρειν αὐτὰ πρὸς ἅπαντας οὐδὲ ἐξαγορεύειν τὰ ἀπόρρητα, μὴ καί τις ἡμᾶς γράψηται γραφὴν ἀσεβείας ἐπὶ τοῦ Ῥαδαμάνθυος.
Φίλος μηδαμῶς, ὦ Μένιππε, πρὸς τοῦ Διός, μὴ φθονήσῃς τῶν λόγων φίλῳ ἀνδρί· πρὸς γὰρ εἰδότα σιωπᾶν ἐρεῖς, τά τʼ ἄλλα καὶ πρὸς μεμυημένον.
Μένιππος χαλεπὸν μὲν ἐπιτάττεις τὸ ἐπίταγμα καὶ οὐ πάντῃ εὐσεβές· πλὴν ἀλλὰ σοῦ γε ἕνεκα τολμητέον. ἔδοξε δὴ τοὺς πλουσίους τούτους καὶ πολυχρημάτους καὶ τὸ χρυσίον κατάκλειστον ὥσπερ τὴν Δανάην φυλάττοντας —
Φίλος μὴ πρότερον εἴπῃς, ὦγαθέ, τὰ δεδογμένα πρὶν ἐκεῖνα διελθεῖν ἃ μάλιστʼ ἂν ἡδέως ἀκούσαιμί σου, τίς ἡ ἐπίνοιά σοι τῆς καθόδου ἐγένετο, τίς δʼ ὁ τῆς πορείας ἡγεμών, εἶθʼ ἑξῆς ἅ τε εἶδες ἅ τε ἤκουσας παρʼ αὐτοῖς· εἰκὸς γὰρ δὴ φιλόκαλον ὄντα σε μηδὲν τῶν ἀξίων θέας ἢ ἀκοῆς παραλιπεῖν.
Μένιππος ὑπουργητέον καὶ ταῦτά σοι· τί γὰρ ἂν καὶ πάθοι τις, ὁπότε φίλος ἀνὴρ βιάζοιτο; καὶ δὴ πρῶτά σοι δίειμι τὰ περὶ τῆς γνώμης τῆς ἐμῆς, ὅθεν ὡρμήθην πρὸς τὴν κατάβασιν. ἐγὼ γάρ, ἄχρι μὲν ἐν παισὶν ἦν, ἀκούων Ὁμήρου καὶ Ἡσιόδου πολέμους καὶ στάσεις διηγουμένων οὐ μόνον τῶν ἡμιθέων, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτῶν ἤδη τῶν θεῶν, ἔτι δὲ καὶ μοιχείας αὐτῶν καὶ βίας καὶ ἁρπαγὰς καὶ δίκας καὶ πατέρων ἐξελάσεις καὶ ἀδελφῶν γάμους, πάντα ταῦτα ἐνόμιζον εἶναι καλὰ καὶ οὐ παρέργως ἐκινούμην πρὸς αὐτά. ἐπεὶ δὲ εἰς ἄνδρας τελεῖν ἠρξάμην, πάλιν αὖ ἐνταῦθα ἤκουον τῶν νόμων τἀναντία τοῖς ποιηταῖς κελευόντων, μήτε μοιχεύειν μήτε στασιάζειν μήτε ἁρπάζειν. ἐν μεγάλῃ οὖν καθειστήκειν ἀμφιβολίᾳ, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅ τι χρησαίμην ἐμαυτῷ· οὔτε γὰρ ἄν ποτε τοὺς θεοὺς μοιχεῦσαι καὶ στασιάσαι πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἡγούμην εἰ μὴ ὡς περὶ καλῶν τούτων ἐγίγνωσκον, οὔτʼ ἂν τοὺς νομοθέτας τἀναντία παραινεῖν εἰ μὴ λυσιτελεῖν ὑπελάμβανον.
MENIPPUS Poor misguided fools! they are not posted up in the latest lower-world legislation; the recent decrees against the rich will be too much for all their evasive ingenuity.
PHILONIDES Do you mean to say the lower world has been making new regulations for us?
MENIPPUS Plenty of them, I assure you. But I may not publish them, nor reveal secrets; the result might be a suit for impiety in the court of Rhadamanthus.
PHILONIDES Oh now, Menippus, in Heaven’s name, no secrets between friends! you know I am no blabber; and I am initiated, if you come to that.
MENIPPUS ‘Tis a hard thing you ask, and a perilous; yet for you I must venture it. It was resolved, then, that these rich who roll in money and keep their gold under lock and key like a Danae—
PHILONIDES Oh, don’t come to the decrees yet; begin at the beginning. I am particularly curious about your object in going, who showed you the way, and the whole story of what you saw and heard down there; you are a man of taste, and sure not to have missed anything worth looking at or listening to.
MENIPPUS I can refuse you nothing, you see; what is one to do, when a friend insists? Well, I will show you first the state of mind which put me on the venture. When I was a boy, and listened to Homer’s and Hesiod’s tales of war and civil strife—and they do not confine themselves to the Heroes, but include the Gods in their descriptions, adulterous Gods, rapacious Gods, violent, litigious, usurping, incestuous Gods—, well, I found it all quite proper, and indeed was intensely interested in it. But as I came to man’s estate, I observed that the laws flatly contradicted the poets, forbidding adultery, sedition, and rapacity. So I was in a very hazy state of mind, and could not tell what to make of it. The Gods would surely never have been guilty of such behaviour if they had not considered it good; and yet law-givers would never have recommended avoiding it, if avoidance had not seemed desirable.
Μένιππος ἐπεὶ δὲ διηπόρουν, ἔδοξέ μοι ἐλθόντα παρὰ τοὺς καλουμένους τούτους φιλοσόφους ἐγχειρίσαι τε ἐμαυτὸν καὶ δεηθῆναι αὐτῶν χρῆσθαί μοι ὅ τι βούλοιντο καί τινα ὁδὸν ἁπλῆν καὶ βέβαιον ὑποδεῖξαι τοῦ βίου.
ταῦτα μὲν δὴ φρονῶν προσῄειν αὐτοῖς, ἐλελήθειν δʼ ἐμαυτὸν εἰς αὐτό, φασί, τὸ πῦρ ἐκ τοῦ καπνοῦ βιαζόμενος. παρὰ γὰρ δὴ τούτοις μάλιστα εὕρισκον ἐπισκοπῶν τὴν ἄγνοιαν καὶ τὴν ἀπορίαν πλείονα, ὥστε μοι τάχιστα χρυσοῦν ἀπέδειξαν οὗτοι τὸν τῶν ἰδιωτῶν τοῦτον βίον.
ἀμέλει ὁ μὲν αὐτῶν παρῄνει τὸ πᾶν ἥδεσθαι καὶ μόνον τοῦτο ἐκ παντὸς μετιέναι· τοῦτο γὰρ εἶναι τὸ εὔδαιμον. ὁ δέ τις ἔμπαλιν, πονεῖν τὰ πάντα καὶ μοχθεῖν καὶ τὸ σῶμα καταναγκάζειν ῥυπῶντα καὶ αὐχμῶντα καὶ πᾶσι δυσαρεστοῦντα καὶ λοιδορούμενον, συνεχὲς ἐπιρραψῳδῶν τὰ πάνδημα ἐκεῖνα τοῦ Ἡσιόδου περὶ τῆς ἀρετῆς ἔπη καὶ τὸν ἱδρῶτα καὶ τὴν ἐπὶ τὸ ἄκρον ἀνάβασιν. ἄλλος καταφρονεῖν χρημάτων παρεκελεύετο καὶ ἀδιάφορον οἴεσθαι τὴν κτῆσιν αὐτῶν· ὁ δέ τις ἔμπαλιν ἀγαθὸν εἶναι καὶ τὸν πλοῦτον ἀπεφαίνετο. περὶ μὲν γὰρ τοῦ κόσμου τί χρὴ καὶ λέγειν; ὅς γε ἰδέας καὶ ἀσώματα καὶ ἀτόμους καὶ κενὰ καὶ τοιοῦτόν τινα ὄχλον ὀνομάτων ὁσημέραι παρʼ αὐτῶν ἀκούων ἐναυτίων. καὶ τὸ πάντων ἀτοπώτατον, ὅτι περὶ τῶν ἐναντιωτάτων ἕκαστος αὐτῶν λέγων σφόδρα νικῶντας καὶ πιθανοὺς λόγους ἐπορίζετο, ὥστε μήτε τῷ θερμὸν τὸ αὐτὸ πρᾶγμα λέγοντι μήτε τῷ ψυχρὸν ἀντιλέγειν ἔχειν, καὶ ταῦτʼ εἰδότα σαφῶς ὡς οὐκ ἄν ποτε θερμὸν εἴη τι καὶ ψυχρὸν ἐν ταὐτῷ χρόνῳ. ἀτεχνῶς οὖν ἔπασχον τοῖς νυστάζουσι τούτοις ὅμοιον, ἄρτι μὲν ἐπινεύων, ἄρτι δὲ ἀνανεύων ἔμπαλιν.
Μένιππος πολλῷ δὲ τούτων ἐκεῖνο ἀλογώτερον· τοὺς γὰρ αὐτοὺς τούτους εὕρισκον ἐπιτηρῶν ἐναντιώτατα τοῖς αὑτῶν λόγοις ἐπιτηδεύοντας. τοὺς γοῦν καταφρονεῖν παραινοῦντας χρημάτων ἑώρων ἀπρὶξ ἐχομένους αὐτῶν καὶ περὶ τόκων διαφερομένους καὶ ἐπὶ μισθῷ παιδεύοντας καὶ πάντα ἕνεκα τούτων ὑπομένοντας, τούς τε τὴν δόξαν ἀποβαλλομένους αὐτῆς ταύτης χάριν τὰ πάντα καὶ πράττοντας καὶ λέγοντας, ἡδονῆς τε αὖ σχεδὸν ἅπαντας κατηγοροῦντας, ἰδίᾳ δὲ μόνῃ ταύτῃ προσηρτημένους.
In this perplexity, I determined to go to the people they call philosophers, put myself in their hands, and ask them to make what they would of me and give me a plain reliable map of life. This was my idea in going to them; but the effort only shifted me from the frying-pan into the fire; it was just among these that my inquiry brought the greatest ignorance and bewilderment to light; they very soon convinced me that the real golden life is that of the man in the street. One of them would have me do nothing but seek pleasure and ensue it; according to him, Happiness was pleasure. Another recommended the exact contrary—toil and moil, bring the body under, be filthy and squalid, disgusting and abusive—concluding always with the tags from Hesiod about Virtue, or something about indefatigable pursuit of the ideal. Another bade me despise money, and reckon the acquisition of it as a thing indifferent; he too had his contrary, who declared wealth a good in itself. I will spare you their metaphysics; I was sickened with daily doses of Ideas, Incorporeal Things, Atoms, Vacua, and a multitude more. The extraordinary thing was that people maintaining the most opposite views would each of them produce convincing plausible arguments; when the same thing was called hot and cold by different persons, there was no refuting one more than the other, however well one knew that it could not be hot and cold at once. I was just like a man dropping off to sleep, with his head first nodding forward, and then jerking back.
Yet that absurdity is surpassed by another. I found by observation that the practice of these same people was diametrically opposed to their precepts. Those who preached contempt of wealth would hold on to it like grim death, dispute about interest, teach for pay, and sacrifice everything to the main chance, while the depreciators of fame directed all their words and deeds to nothing else but fame; pleasure, which had all their private devotions, they were almost unanimous in condemning.
Μένιππος σφαλεὶς οὖν καὶ τῆσδε τῆς ἐλπίδος ἔτι μᾶλλον ἐδυσχέραινον, ἠρέμα παραμυθούμενος ἐμαυτὸν ὅτι μετὰ πολλῶν καὶ σοφῶν καὶ σφόδρα ἐπὶ συνέσει διαβεβοημένων ἀνόητός τέ εἰμι καὶ τἀληθὲς ἔτι ἀγνοῶν περιέρχομαι. καί μοί ποτε διαγρυπνοῦντι τούτων ἕνεκα ἔδοξεν εἰς Βαβυλῶνα ἐλθόντα δεηθῆναί τινος τῶν μάγων τῶν Ζωροάστρου μαθητῶν καὶ διαδόχων· ἤκουον δʼ αὐτοὺς ἐπῳδαῖς τε καὶ τελεταῖς τισιν ἀνοίγειν τοῦ Ἅιδου τὰς πύλας καὶ κατάγειν ὃν ἂν βούλωνται ἀσφαλῶς καὶ ὀπίσω αὖθις ἀναπέμπειν. ἄριστον οὖν ἡγούμην εἶναι παρά τινος τούτων διαπραξάμενον τὴν κατάβασιν ἐλθόντα παρὰ Τειρεσίαν τὸν Βοιώτιον μαθεῖν παρʼ αὐτοῦ ἅτε μάντεως καὶ σοφοῦ, τίς ἐστιν ὁ ἄριστος βίος καὶ ὃν ἄν τις ἕλοιτο εὖ φρονῶν.
καὶ δὴ ἀναπηδήσας ὡς εἶχον τάχους ἔτεινον εὐθὺ Βαβυλῶνος· ἐλθὼν δὲ συγγίγνομαί τινι τῶν Χαλδαίων σοφῷ ἀνδρὶ καὶ θεσπεσίῳ τὴν τέχνην, πολιῷ μὲν τὴν κόμην, γένειον δὲ μάλα σεμνὸν καθειμένῳ, τοὔνομα δὲ ἦν αὐτῷ Μιθροβαρζάνης. δεηθεὶς δὲ καὶ καθικετεύσας μόγις ἐπέτυχον παρʼ αὐτοῦ, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ βούλοιτο μισθῷ, καθηγήσασθαί μοι τῆς ὁδοῦ.
Μένιππος παραλαβὼν δέ με ὁ ἀνὴρ πρῶτα μὲν ἡμέρας ἐννέα καὶ εἴκοσιν ἅμα τῇ σελήνῃ ἀρξάμενος ἔλουε κατάγων ἕωθεν ἐπὶ τὸν Εὐφράτην πρὸς ἀνίσχοντα τὸν ἥλιον, ῥῆσίν τινα μακρὰν ἐπιλέγων ἧς οὐ σφόδρα κατήκουον· ὥσπερ γὰρ οἱ φαῦλοι τῶν ἐν τοῖς ἀγῶσι κηρύκων ἐπίτροχόν τι καὶ ἀσαφὲς ἐφθέγγετο. πλὴν ἐῴκει γέ τινας ἐπικαλεῖσθαι δαίμονας. μετὰ δʼ οὖν τὴν ἐπῳδὴν τρὶς ἄν μου πρὸς τὸ πρόσωπον ἀποπτύσας, ἐπανῄει πάλιν οὐδένα τῶν ἀπαντώντων προσβλέπων. καὶ σιτία μὲν ἦν ἡμῖν τὰ ἀκρόδρυα, ποτὸν δὲ γάλα καὶ μελίκρατον καὶ τὸ τοῦ Χοάσπου ὕδωρ, εὐνὴ δὲ ὑπαίθριος ἐπὶ τῆς πόας.
ἐπεὶ δʼ ἅλις εἶχε τῆς προδιαιτήσεως, περὶ μέσας νύκτας ἐπὶ τὸν Τίγρητα ποταμὸν ἀγαγὼν ἐκάθηρέν τέ με καὶ ἀπέμαξε καὶ περιήγνισεν δᾳδὶ καὶ σκίλλῃ καὶ ἄλλοις πλείοσιν, ἅμα καὶ τὴν ἐπῳδὴν ἐκείνην ὑποτονθορύσας. εἶτά με ὅλον καταμαγεύσας καὶ περιελθών, ἵνα μὴ βλαπτοίμην ὑπὸ τῶν φασμάτων, ἐπανάγει εἰς τὴν οἰκίαν, ὡς εἶχον, ἀναποδίζοντα, καὶ τὸ λοιπὸν ἀμφὶ πλοῦν εἴχομεν.
Thus again disappointed of my hope, I was in yet worse case than before; it was slight consolation to reflect that I was in numerous and wise and eminently sensible company, if I was a fool still, all astray in my quest of Truth. One night, while these thoughts kept me sleepless, I resolved to go to Babylon and ask help from one of the Magi, Zoroaster’s disciples and successors; I had been told that by incantations and other rites they could open the gates of Hades, take down any one they chose in safety, and bring him up again. I thought the best thing would be to secure the services of one of these, visit Tiresias the Boeotian, and learn from that wise seer what is the best life and the right choice for a man of sense. I got up with all speed and started straight for Babylon. When I arrived, I found a wise and wonderful Chaldean; he was white-haired, with a long imposing beard, and called Mithrobarzanes. My prayers and supplications at last induced him to name a price for conducting me down.
Taking me under his charge, he commenced with a new moon, and brought me down for twenty-nine successive mornings to the Euphrates, where he bathed me, apostrophizing the rising sun in a long formula, of which I never caught much; he gabbled indistinctly, like bad heralds at the Games; but he appeared to be invoking spirits. This charm completed, he spat thrice upon my face, and I went home, not letting my eyes meet those of any one we passed. Our food was nuts and acorns, our drink milk and hydromel and water from the Choaspes, and we slept out of doors on the grass. When he thought me sufficiently prepared, he took me at midnight to the Tigris, purified and rubbed me over, sanctified me with torches and squills and other things, muttering the charm aforesaid, then made a magic circle round me to protect me from ghosts, and finally led me home backwards just as I was; it was now time to arrange our voyage.
Μένιππος αὐτὸς μὲν οὖν μαγικήν τινα ἐνέδυ στολὴν τὰ πολλὰ ἐοικυῖαν τῇ Μηδικῇ, ἐμὲ δὲ τουτοισὶ φέρων ἐνεσκεύασε, τῷ πίλῳ καὶ τῇ λεοντῇ καὶ προσέτι τῇ λύρᾳ, καὶ παρεκελεύσατο, ἤν τις ἔρηταί με τοὔνομα, Μένιππον μὴ λέγειν, Ἡρακλέα δὲ ἢ Ὀδυσσέα ἢ Ὀρφέα.
Φίλος ὡς δὴ τί τοῦτο, ὦ Μένιππε; οὐ γὰρ συνίημι τὴν αἰτίαν οὔτε τοῦ σχήματος οὔτε τῶν ὀνομάτων.
Μένιππος καὶ μὴν πρόδηλόν γε τοῦτο καὶ οὐ παντελῶς ἀπόρρητον· ἐπεὶ γὰρ οὗτοι πρὸ ἡμῶν ζῶντες εἰς Ἅιδου κατεληλύθεσαν, ἡγεῖτο, εἴ με ἀπεικάσειεν αὐτοῖς, ῥᾳδίως ἂν τὴν τοῦ Αἰακοῦ φρουρὰν διαλαθεῖν καὶ ἀκωλύτως ἂν παρελθεῖν ἅτε συνηθέστερον, τραγικῶς μάλα παραπεμπόμενον ὑπὸ τοῦ σχήματος.
Μένιππος ἤδη δʼ οὖν ὑπέφαινεν ἡμέρα, καὶ κατελθόντες ἐπὶ τὸν ποταμὸν περὶ ἀναγωγὴν ἐγιγνόμεθα. παρεσκεύαστο δʼ αὐτῷ καὶ σκάφος καὶ ἱερεῖα καὶ μελίκρατον καὶ ἄλλα ὅσα πρὸς τὴν τελετὴν χρήσιμα. ἐμβαλόμενοι οὖν ἅπαντα τὰ παρεσκευασμένα οὕτω δὴ καὶ αὐτοὶ βαίνομεν ἀχνύμενοι, θαλερὸν κατὰ δάκρυ χέοντες.
Καὶ μέχρι μέν τινος ὑπεφερόμεθα ἐν τῷ ποταμῷ, εἶτα δὲ εἰσεπλεύσαμεν εἰς τὸ ἕλος καὶ τὴν λίμνην εἰς ἣν ὁ Εὐφράτης ἀφανίζεται. περαιωθέντες δὲ καὶ ταύτην ἀφικνούμεθα εἰς τι χωρίον ἔρημον καὶ ὑλῶδες καὶ ἀνήλιον, εἰς ὃ καὶ δὴ ἀποβάντες — ἡγεῖτο δὲ ὁ Μιθροβαρζάνης — βόθρον τε ὠρυξάμεθα καὶ τὰ μῆλα κατεσφάξαμεν καὶ τὸ αἷμα περὶ αὐτὸν ἐσπείσαμεν. ὁ δὲ μάγος ἐν τοσούτῳ δᾷδα καιομένην ἔχων οὐκέτʼ ἠρεμαίᾳ τῇ φωνῇ, παμμέγεθες δέ, ὡς οἷός τε ἦν, ἀνακραγὼν δαίμονάς τε ὁμοῦ πάντας ἐπεβοᾶτο καὶ Ποινὰς καὶ Ἐρινύας καὶ νυχίαν Ἑκάτην καὶ ἐπαινὴν Περσεφόνειαν, παραμιγνὺς ἅμα βαρβαρικά τινα καὶ ἄσημα ὀνόματα καὶ πολυσύλλαβα.
Μένιππος εὐθὺς οὖν ἅπαντα ἐκεῖνα ἐσαλεύετο καὶ ὑπὸ τῆς ἐπῳδῆς τοὔδαφος ἀνερρήγνυτο καὶ ὑλακὴ τοῦ Κερβέρου πόρρωθεν ἠκούετο καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὑπερκατηφὲς ἦν καὶ σκυθρωπόν. ἔδδεισεν δʼ ὑπένερθεν ἄναξ ἐνέρων Ἀϊδωνεύς — κατεφαίνετο γὰρ ἤδη τὰ πλεῖστα, καὶ ἡ λίμνη καὶ ὁ Πυριφλεγέθων καὶ τοῦ Πλούτωνος τὰ βασίλεια. κατελθόντες δʼ ὅμως διὰ τοῦ χάσματος τὸν μὲν Ῥαδάμανθυν εὕρομεν τεθνεῶτα μικροῦ δεῖν ὑπὸ τοῦ δέους· ὁ δὲ Κέρβερος ὑλάκτησε μέν τι καὶ παρεκίνησε, ταχὺ δέ μου κρούσαντος τὴν λύραν παραχρῆμα ἐκηλήθη ὑπὸ τοῦ μέλους. ἐπεὶ δὲ πρὸς τὴν λίμνην ἀφικόμεθα, μικροῦ μὲν οὐδὲ ἐπεραιώθημεν· ἦν γὰρ πλῆρες ἤδη τὸ πορθμεῖον καὶ οἰμωγῆς ἀνάπλεων, τραυματίαι δὲ πάντες ἐπέπλεον, ὁ μὲν τὸ σκέλος, ὁ δὲ τὴν κεφαλήν, ὁ δὲ ἄλλο τι συντετριμμένος, ἐμοὶ δοκεῖν, ἔκ τινος πολέμου παρόντες.
ὅμως δʼ οὖν ὁ βέλτιστος Χάρων ὡς εἶδε τὴν λεοντῆν, οἰηθείς με τὸν Ἡρακλέα εἶναι, εἰσεδέξατο καὶ διεπόρθμευσέν τε ἄσμενος καὶ ἀποβᾶσι διεσήμηνε τὴν ἀτραπόν.
He himself put on a magic robe, Median in character, and fetched and gave me the cap, lion’s skin, and lyre which you see, telling me if I were asked my name not to say Menippus, but Heracles, Odysseus, or Orpheus.
PHILONIDES What was that for? I see no reason either for the get-up or for the choice of names.
MENIPPUS Oh, obvious enough; there is no mystery in that. He thought that as these three had gone down alive to Hades before us, I might easily elude Aeacus’s guard by borrowing their appearance, and be passed as an habitue; there is good warrant in the theatre for the efficiency of disguise.
Dawn was approaching when we went down to the river to embark; he had provided a boat, victims, hydromel, and all necessaries for our mystic enterprise. We put all aboard, and then,
Troubled at heart, with welling tears, we went.
For some distance we floated down stream, until we entered the marshy lake in which the Euphrates disappears. Beyond this we came to a desolate, wooded, sunless spot; there we landed, Mithrobarzanes leading the way, and proceeded to dig a pit, slay our sheep, and sprinkle their blood round the edge. Meanwhile the Mage, with a lighted torch in his hand, abandoning his customary whisper, shouted at the top of his voice an invocation to all spirits, particularly the Poenae and Erinyes,
Hecat’s dark might, and dread Persephone,
with a string of other names, outlandish, unintelligible, and polysyllabic.
As he ended, there was a great commotion, earth was burst open by the incantation, the barking of Cerberus was heard far off, and all was overcast and lowering;
Quaked in his dark abyss the King of Shades;
for almost all was now unveiled to us, the lake, and Phlegethon, and the abode of Pluto. Undeterred, we made our way down the chasm, and came upon Rhadamanthus half dead with fear. Cerberus barked and looked like getting up; but I quickly touched my lyre, and the first note sufficed to lull him. Reaching the lake, we nearly missed our passage for that time, the ferry-boat being already full; there was incessant lamentation, and all the passengers had wounds upon them; mangled legs, mangled heads, mangled everything; no doubt there was a war going on. Nevertheless, when good Charon saw the lion’s skin, taking me for Heracles, he made room, was delighted to give me a passage, and showed us our direction when we got off.
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