ταῦτά τε δὴ φιλότιμα, καὶ τὸ πολλάκις ἐπαιρόμενον τοῦ λόγου τῇ δεινότητι τὸ πρέπον προΐεσθαι. Μουνατίῳ μὲν γάρ ποτε συνηγορήσας, ὡς ἀποφυγὼν τὴν δίκην ἐκεῖνος ἐδίωκεν ἑταῖρον αὐτοῦ Σαβῖνον, οὕτω λέγεται προπεσεῖν ὑπʼ ὀργῆς ὁ Κικέρων ὥστʼ εἰπεῖν· σὺ γὰρ ἐκείνην, ὦ Μουνάτιε, τὴν δίκην ἀπέφυγες διὰ σαυτόν, οὐκ ἐμοῦ πολὺ σκότος ἐν φωτὶ τῷ δικαστηρίῳ περιχέαντος;
These complaints were characteristic of ambition, as well as the fact that he was often led on by the cleverness of his speech to disregard propriety. For instance, he once served as advocate for Munatius, who was no sooner acquitted than he prosecuted a friend of Cicero’s, Sabinus, whereupon, it is said, Cicero was so transported with anger as to say: Was it, pray, on your own merits, Munatius, that you were acquitted, and not because I spread much darkness about the court when before there was light?
Μᾶρκον δὲ Κράσσον ἐγκωμιάζων ἀπὸ τοῦ βήματος εὐημέρησε, καὶ μεθʼ ἡμέρας αὖθις ὀλίγας λοιδορῶν αὐτόν, ὡς ἐκεῖνος εἶπεν οὐ γὰρ ἐνταῦθα πρώην αὐτὸς ἡμᾶς ἐπῄνεις; ναί, φησι, μελέτης ἕνεκεν γυμνάζων τὸν λόγον εἰς φαύλην ὑπόθεσιν.
And again, he gained great applause by an encomium on Marcus Crassus from the rostra, and then a few days afterwards as publicly reviled him, whereupon Crassus said: What, did you not stand there yourself a day or two ago and praise me? Yea, said Cicero, exercising my eloquence by way of practice on a bad subject.
εἰπόντος δέ ποτε τοῦ Κράσσου μηδένα Κράσσον ἐν Ῥώμῃ βεβιωκέναι μακρότερον ἑξηκονταετίας, εἶθʼ ὕστερον ἀρνουμένου καὶ λέγοντος, τί δʼ ἂν ἐγὼ παθὼν τοῦτʼ εἶπον; ἤιδεις, ἔφη, Ῥωμαίους ἡδέως ἀκουσομένους καὶ διὰ τοῦτʼ ἐδημαγώγεις. ἀρέσκεσθαι δὲ τοῦ Κράσσου τοῖς Στωικοῖς φήσαντος, ὅτι πλούσιον εἶναι τὸν ἀγαθὸν ἀποφαίνουσιν, ὅρα μὴ μᾶλλον εἶπεν, ὅτι πάντα τοῦ σοφοῦ λέγουσιν εἶναι.
Again, Crassus once said that no Crassus had lived in Rome to be older than sixty years, and then tried to deny it, exclaiming, What could have led me to say this? You knew, said Cicero, that the Romans would be delighted to hear it, and by that means you tried to court their favour. And when Crassus expressed his satisfaction with the Stoics because they represented the good man as rich, Consider, said Cicero, whether your satisfaction is not rather due to their declaration that all things belong to the wise.
διεβάλλετο δʼ εἰς φιλαργυρίαν ὁ Κράσσος. ἐπεὶ δὲ τοῦ Κράσσου τῶν παίδων ὁ ἕτερος Ἀξίῳ τινὶ δοκῶν ὅμοιος εἶναι, καὶ διὰ τοῦτο τῇ μητρὶ προστριβόμενος αἰσχρὰν ἐπὶ τῷ Ἀξίῳ διαβολήν εὐδοκίμησε λόγον ἐν βουλῇ διελθών, ἐρωτηθεὶς ὁ Κικέρων τί φαίνεται αὐτῷ, ἄξιος, εἶπε, Κράσσου.
Now, Crassus was accused of covetousness. Again, one of the sons of Crassus who was thought to resemble a certain Axius, and on this account had brought his mother’s name into scandalous connection with that of Axius, once made a successful speech in the senate, and when Cicero was asked what he thought of him, he answered with the Greek words Axios Krassou.
μέλλων δὲ Κράσσος εἰς Συρίαν ἀπαίρειν ἐβούλετο τὸν Κικέρωνα μᾶλλον αὐτῷ φίλον ἢ ἐχθρὸν εἶναι· καί φιλοφρονούμενος ἔφη βούλεσθαι δειπνῆσαι παρʼ αὐτῷ· κἀκεῖνος ὑπεδέξατο προθύμως. ὀλίγαις δʼ ὕστερον ἡμέραις περὶ Βατινίου φίλων τινῶν ἐντυγχανόντων ὡς μνωμένου διαλύσεις καί φιλίαν ἦν γὰρ ἐχθρός, οὐ δήπου καί Βατίνιος, εἶπε, δειπνῆσαι παρʼ ἐμοὶ βούλεται; πρὸς μὲν οὖν Κράσσον τοιοῦτος.
When Crassus was about to set out for Syria, wishing that Cicero should be a friend rather than an enemy, he said to him in a friendly manner that he wished to dine with him; and Cicero readily received him into his house. But a few days afterwards, when some friends interceded with him for Vatinius, saying that the man sought reconciliation and friendship (for he was an enemy), It surely cannot be, said Cicero, that Vatinius also wishes to dine with me. Such, then, was his treatment of Crassus.
αὐτὸν δὲ τὸν Βατίνιον ἔχοντα χοιράδας ἐν τῷ τραχήλῳ καί λέγοντα δίκην οἰδοῦντα ῥήτορα προσεῖπεν. ἀκούσας δʼ ὅτι τέθνηκεν, εἶτα μετὰ μικρὸν πυθόμενος σαφῶς ὅτι ζῇ, κακὸς τοίνυν ἀπόλοιτο κακῶς ὁ ψευσάμενος.
Now, Vatinius himself had swellings on his neck, and once when he was pleading a case Cicero called him a tumid orator. Again, after hearing that Vatinius was dead, and then after a little learning for a surety that he was alive, Wretchedly perish, then, said Cicero, the wretch who lied!
ἐπεὶ δὲ Καίσαρι ψηφισαμένῳ τὴν ἐν Καμπανίᾳ χώραν κατανεμηθῆναι τοῖς στρατιώταις πολλοὶ μὲν ἐδυσχέραινον ἐν τῇ βουλῇ, Λεύκιος δὲ Γέλλιος ὁμοῦ τι πρεσβύτατος ὢν εἶπεν ὡς οὐ γενήσεται τοῦτο ζῶντος αὐτοῦ, περιμείνωμεν εἶπεν ὁ Κικέρων, μακρὰν γὰρ οὐκ αἰτεῖται Γέλλιος ὑπέρθεσιν.
And again, Caesar once got a decree passed that the land in Campania should be divided among his soldiers, and many of the senators were dissatisfied, and Lucius Gellius, who was about the oldest of them, declared that it should never be done while he was alive; whereupon Cicero said: Let us wait, since Gellius does not ask for a long postponement.
ἦν δέ τις Ὀκταούιος αἰτίαν ἔχων ἐκ Λιβύης γεγονέναι· πρὸς τοῦτον ἔν τινι δίκῃ λέγοντα τοῦ Κικέρωνος μὴ ἐξακούειν, καὶ μὴν οὐκ ἔχεις, εἶπε, τὸ οὖς ἀτρύπητον. Μετέλλου δὲ Νέπωτος εἰπόντος ὅτι πλείονας καταμαρτυρῶν ἀνῄρηκεν ἢ συνηγορῶν σέσωκεν, ὁμολογῶ γάρ, ἔφη, πίστεως ἐν ἐμοὶ πλέον ἢ δεινότητος εἶναι.
There was a certain Octavius, too, who was reputed to be of African descent; to this man, who said at a certain trial that he could not hear Cicero, the orator replied: And yet your ear is not without a perforation. And when Metellus Nepos declared that Cicero had brought more men to death as a hostile witness than he had saved from it as an advocate, Yes, said Cicero, I admit that my credibility is greater than my eloquence.
νεανίσκου δέ τινος αἰτίαν ἔχοντος ἐν πλακοῦντι φάρμακον τῷ πατρὶ δεδωκέναι θρασυνομένου καί λέγοντος ὅτι λοιδορήσει τὸν Κικέρωνα, τοῦτο, ἔφη, παρὰ σοῦ βούλομαι μᾶλλον ἢ πλακοῦντα. Ποπλίου δὲ Σηστίου συνήγορον μὲν αὐτὸν ἔν τινι δίκῃ παραλαβόντος μεθʼ ἑτέρων, αὐτοῦ δὲ πάντα βουλομένου λέγειν καί μηδενὶ παριέντος εἰπεῖν, ὡς δῆλος ἦν ἀφιέμενος ὑπὸ τῶν δικαστῶν ἤδη τῆς ψήφου φερομένης, χρῶ σήμερον, ἔφη, τῷ καιρῷ, Σήστιε μέλλεις γὰρ αὔριον ἰδιώτης εἶναι.
Again, when a certain young man who was accused of having given his father poison in a cake put on bold airs and threatened to cover Cicero with abuse, That, said Cicero, I would rather have from you than a cake. There was Publius Sextius, too, who retained Cicero as an advocate in a case, along with others, and then wanted to do all the speaking himself, and would allow no one else a word; when it was clear that he was going to be acquitted by the jurors and the vote was already being given, Use your opportunity today, Sextius, said Cicero, for to-morrow you are going to be a nobody.
Πόπλιον δὲ Κώνσταν νομικὸν εἶναι βουλόμενον, ὄντα δʼ ἀμαθῆ καί ἀφυῆ, πρός τινα δίκην ἐκάλεσε μάρτυρα· τοῦ δὲ μηδὲν εἰδέναι φάσκοντος, ἴσως, ἔφη, δοκεῖς περὶ τῶν νομικῶν ἐρωτᾶσθαι. Μετέλλου δὲ Νέπωτος ἐν διαφορᾷ τινι πολλάκις λέγοντος τίς σοῦ πατήρ ἐστιν, ὁ Κικέρων σοὶ ταύτην ἔφη τὴν ἀπόκρισιν ἡ μήτηρ χαλεπωτέραν ἐποίησεν.
Publius Consta, too, who wanted to be a lawyer, but was ignorant and stupid, was once summoned by Cicero as witness in a case; and when he kept saying that he knew nothing, Perhaps, said Cicero, you think you are being questioned on points of law. Again, in a dispute with Cicero, Metellus Nepos asked repeatedly Who is your father? In your case, said Cicero, your mother has made the answer to this question rather difficult.
ἐδόκει δʼ ἀκόλαστος ἡ μήτηρ εἶναι τοῦ Νέπωτος, αὐτὸς δέ τις εὐμετάβολος. καί ποτε τὴν δημαρχίαν ἀπολιπὼν ἄφνω πρὸς Πομπήϊον ἐξέπλευσεν εἰς Συρίαν, εἶτʼ ἐκεῖθεν ἐπανῆλθεν ἀλογώτερον. θάψας δὲ Φίλαγρον τὸν καθηγητὴν ἐπιμελέστερον ἐπέστησεν αὐτοῦ τῷ τάφῳ κόρακα λίθινον καί ὁ Κικέρων· τοῦτʼ, ἔφη σοφώτερον ἐποίησας· πέτεσθαι γάρ σε μᾶλλον ἢ λέγειν ἐδίδαξεν.
Now, the mother of Nepos was thought to be unchaste, and he himself a fickle sort of man. He once suddenly deserted his office of tribune and sailed off to join Pompey in Syria, and then came back from there with even less reason. Moreover, after burying his teacher Philagrus with more than usual ceremony, he set upon his tomb a raven in stone; whereupon Cicero remarked: In this you have acted more wisely than is your wont, for he taught you to fly rather than to speak.
ἐπεὶ δὲ Μᾶρκος Ἄππιος ἔν τινι δίκῃ προοιμιαζόμενος εἶπε φίλον αὐτοῦ δεδεῆσθαι παρασχεῖν ἐπιμέλειαν καί λογιότητα καί πίστιν, εἶθʼ οὕτως, ἔφη, σιδηροῦς γέγονας ἄνθρωπος ὥστε μηδὲν ἐκ τοσούτων ὧν ᾐτήσαθʼ ὁ φίλος παρασχεῖν;
And again, when Marcus Appius prefaced his speech in a case by saying that his friend had begged him to exhibit diligence, eloquence, and fidelity, And then, said Cicero, are you so hard-hearted as to exhibit none of those great qualities which your friend demanded?
τὸ μὲν οὖν πρὸς ἐχθροὺς ἢ ἀντιδίκους σκώμμασι χρῆσθαι πικροτέροις δοκεῖ ῥητορικὸν εἶναι· τὸ δʼ οἷς ἔτυχε προσκρούειν ἕνεκα τοῦ γελοίου πολὺ συνῆγε μῖσος αὐτῷ. γράψω δὲ καὶ τούτων ὀλίγα. Μᾶρκον Ἀκύΐνιον ἔχοντα δύο γαμβροὺς φυγάδας Ἄδραστον ἐκάλει.
Now, this use of very biting jests against enemies or legal opponents seems to be part of the orator’s business; but his indiscriminate attacks for the sake of raising a laugh made many people hate Cicero. And I will give a few instances of this also. Marcus Aquinius, who had two sons-in-law in exile, he called Adrastus.
Λευκίου δὲ Κόττα τιμητικὴν ἔχοντος ἀρχήν, φιλοινοτάτου δʼ ὄντος, ὑπατείαν μετιὼν ὁ Κικέρων ἐδίψησε, καὶ τῶν φίλων κύκλῳ περιστάντων ὡς ἔπινεν, ὀρθῶς φοβεῖσθε, εἶπε, μή μοι γένιτο χαλεπὸς ὁ τιμητὴς ὅτι ὕδωρ πίνω. Βωκωνίῳ δʼ ἀπαντήσας ἄγοντι μεθʼ ἑαυτοῦ τρεῖς ἀμορφοτάτας θυγατέρας ἀνεφθέγξατο· Φοίβου ποτʼ οὐκ ἐῶντος ἔσπειρεν τέκνα.
Again, Lucius Cotta, who held the office of censor, was very fond of wine, and Cicero, when canvassing for the consulship, was a-thirst, and as his friends stood about him while he drank, said: You have good reason to fear that the censor will deal harshly with me—for drinking water. And when he met Voconius escorting three very ugly daughters, he cried out:— It was against the will of Phoebus that he begat children. /
Μάρκου δὲ Γελλίου δοκοῦντος οὐκ ἐξ ἐλευθέρων γεγονέναι, λαμπρᾷ δὲ τῇ φωνῇ καὶ μεγάλῃ γράμματα πρὸς τὴν σύγκλητον ἐξαναγνόντος, μὴ θαυμάζετε, εἶπε, καὶ αὐτὸς εἷς ἐστι τῶν ἀναπεφωνηκότων. ἐπεὶ δὲ Φαῦστος ὁ Σύλλα τοῦ μοναρχήσαντος ἐν Ῥώμῃ καὶ πολλοὺς ἐπὶ θανάτῳ προγράψαντος ἐν δανείοις γενόμενος καὶ πολλὰ τῆς οὐσίας διασπαθήσας ἀπάρτιον προέγραψε, ταύτην ἔφη μᾶλλον αὐτῷ τὴν προγραφὴν ἀρέσκειν ἢ τὴν πατρῴαν.
Again, when Marcus Gellius, who was thought to be of servile birth, had read letters to the senate in a loud and clear voice, Do not marvel, said Cicero, he too is one of those who have cried aloud for their freedom. And when Faustus, the son of the Sulla who was dictator at Rome and placarded many people for death, got into debt, squandered much of his substance, and placarded his household goods for sale, Cicero said he liked this placarding better than his father’s.
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