λοιπὸν οὖν δὴ ἐκεῖνο, πεπεισμένον ὑπὸ τῶν κολάκων ὡς οὐ μόνον καλὸς εἶ καὶ ἐράσμιος ἀλλὰ σοφὸς καὶ ῥήτωρ καὶ συγγραφεὺς οἷος οὐδʼ ἕτερος, ὠνεῖσθαι τὰ βιβλία, ὡς ἀληθεύοις τοὺς ἐπαίνους αὐτῶν. φασὶ δὲ σὲ καὶ λόγους ἐπιδείκνυσθαι αὐτοῖς ἐπὶ δείπνῳ κἀκείνους χερσαίων βατράχων δίκην διψῶντας κεκραγέναι, ἢ μὴ πίνειν, ἢν μὴ διαρραγῶσι βοῶντες.
καὶ γὰρ οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως ῥᾷστος εἶ τῆς ῥινὸς ἕλκεσθαι, καὶ πιστεύεις αὐτοῖς ἅπαντα, ὅς ποτε κἀκεῖνο ἐπείσθης, ὡς βασιλεῖ τινι ὡμοιώθης τὴν ὄψιν, καθάπερ ὁ ψευδαλέξανδρος καὶ ὁ ψευδοφίλιππος ἐκεῖνος κναφεὺς καὶ ὁ κατὰ τοὺς προπάτορας ἡμῶν ψευδονέρων καὶ εἴ τις ἄλλος τῶν ὑπὸ τῷ ψευδο τεταγμένων.
καὶ τί θαυμαστὸν εἰ τοῦτο ἔπαθες, ἀνόητος καὶ ἀπαίδευτος ἄνθρωπος, καὶ προῄεις ἐξυπτιάζων καὶ μιμούμενος βάδισμα καὶ σχῆμα καὶ βλέμμα ἐκείνου ᾧ σεαυτὸν εἰκάζων ἔχαιρες, ὅπου καὶ Πύρρον φασὶ τὸν Ἠπειρώτην, τὰ ἄλλα θαυμαστὸν ἄνδρα, οὕτως ὑπὸ κολάκων ἐπὶ τῷ ὁμοίῳ ποτὲ διαφθαρῆναι ὡς πιστεύειν ὅτι ὅμοιος ἦν Ἀλεξάνδρῳ ἐκείνῳ; καίτοι τὸ τῶν μουσικῶν τοῦτο, δὶς διὰ πασῶν τὸ πρᾶγμα ἦν· εἶδον γὰρ καὶ τὴν τοῦ Πύρρου εἰκόνα· καὶ ὅμως ἐπέπειστο ἐκμεμάχθαι τοῦ Ἀλεξάνδρου τὴν μορφήν. ἀλλʼ ἕνεκα μὲν δὴ τούτων ὕβρισταί μοι εἰς τὸν Πύρρον, ὅτι σὲ εἴκασα κατὰ τοῦτο αὐτῷ· τὸ δὲ ἀπὸ τούτου καὶ πάνυ σοι πρέπον ἂν εἴη. ἐπεὶ γὰρ οὕτω διέκειτο ὁ Πύρρος καὶ ταῦτα ὑπὲρ ἑαυτοῦ ἐπέπειστο, οὐδεὶς ὅστις οὐ συνετίθετο καὶ συνέπασχεν αὐτῷ, ἄχρι δή τις ἐν Λαρίσῃ πρεσβῦτις ξένη αὐτῷ τἀληθὲς εἰποῦσα ἔπαυσεν αὐτὸν τῆς κορύζης. ὁ μὲν γὰρ Πύρρος ἐπιδείξας αὐτῇ εἰκόνα Φιλίππου καὶ Περδίκκου καὶ Ἀλεξάνδρου καὶ Κασσάνδρου καὶ ἄλλων βασιλέων ἤρετο τίνι ὅμοιος εἴη, πάνυ πεπεισμένος ἐπὶ τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ἥξειν αὐτήν, ἡ δὲ πολὺν χρόνον ἐπισχοῦσα, Βατραχίωνι, ἔφη, τῷ μαγείρῳ· καὶ γὰρ ἦν τις ἐν τῇ Λαρίσῃ Βατραχίων μάγειρος τῷ Πύρρῳ ὅμοιος.
καὶ σὺ δὴ ᾧτινι μὲν τῶν τοῖς ὀρχησταῖς συνόντων κιναίδων ἔοικας οὐκ ἂν εἴποιμι, ὅτι δὲ μανίαν ἐρρωμένην ἔτι καὶ νῦν μαίνεσθαι δοκεῖς ἅπασιν ἐπʼ ἐκείνῃ τῇ εἰκόνι, πάνυ σαφῶς οἶδα. οὔκουν θαυμαστόν, εἰ ἀπίθανος οὕτως ζωγράφος ὢν καὶ τοῖς πεπαιδευμένοις ἐξομοιοῦσθαι ἐθέλεις, πιστεύων τοῖς τὰ τοιαῦτά σε ἐπαινοῦσι.
καίτοι τί ταῦτα ληρῶ; πρόδηλος γὰρ ἡ αἰτία τῆς περὶ τὰ βιβλία σπουδῆς, εἰ καὶ ὑπὸ νωθείας ἐγὼ μὴ πάλαι κατεῖδον· σοφὸν γάρ, ὡς γοῦν οἴει, τοῦτʼ ἐπινενόηκας καὶ ἐλπίδας οὐ μικρὰς ἔχεις περὶ τοῦ πράγματος, εἰ βασιλεὺς μάθοι ταῦτα σοφὸς ἀνὴρ καὶ παιδείαν μάλιστα τιμῶν· εἰ δὲ ταῦτα ὑπὲρ σοῦ ἐκεῖνος ἀκούσειεν, ὡς ὠνῇ βιβλία καὶ συνάγεις πολλά, πάντα ἐν βραχεῖ παρʼ αὐτοῦ ἔσεσθαί σοι νομίζεις.
Only one possible explanation remains: your toadies have made you believe that in addition to your charms of person you have an extraordinary gift for rhetoric, history, and philosophy; and you buy books merely to countenance their flatteries. It seems that you actually hold forth to them at table; and they, poor thirsty frogs, must croak dry-throated applause till they burst, or there is no drink for them. You are a most curiously gullible person: you take in every word they say to you. You were made to believe at one time that your features resembled those of a certain Emperor. We had had a pseudo-Alexander, and a pseudo-Philip, the fuller, and there was a pseudo-Nero as recently as our own grandfathers’ times: you were for adding one more to the noble army of pseudos. After all, it was nothing for an illiterate fool like you to take such a fancy into his head, and walk about with his chin in the air, aping the gait and dress and expression of his supposed model: even the Epirot king Pyrrhus, remarkable man that he was in other respects, had the same foible, and was persuaded by his flatterers that he was like Alexander, Alexander the Great, that is. In point of fact, I have seen Pyrrhus’s portrait, and the two—to borrow a musical phrase— are about as much like one another as bass and treble; and yet he was convinced he was the image of Alexander. However, if that were all, it would be rather too bad of me to insult Pyrrhus by the comparison: but I am justified by the sequel; it suits your case so exactly. When once Pyrrhus had got this fancy into his head, every one else ran mad for company, till at last an old woman of Larissa, who did not know Pyrrhus, told him the plain truth, and cured his delusion. After showing her portraits of Philip, Perdiccas, Alexander, Casander, and other kings, Pyrrhus finally asked her which of these he resembled, taking it as a matter of course that she would fix upon Alexander: however, she considered for some time, and at length informed him that he was most like Batrachion the cook, there being a cook of that name in Larissa who was very like Pyrrhus. What particular theatrical pander you most resemble I will not pretend to decide: all I can state with certainty is that to this day you pass for a raving madman on the strength of this fancy. After such an instance of your critical discernment, we need not be surprised to find that your flatterers have inspired you with the further ambition of being taken for a scholar.
ἀλλʼ, ὦ κατάπυγον, οἴει τοσοῦτον μανδραγόραν κατακεχύσθαι αὐτοῦ ὡς ταῦτα μὲν ἀκούειν, ἐκεῖνα δὲ μὴ εἰδέναι, οἷος μέν σου ὁ μεθʼ ἡμέραν βίος, οἷοι δέ σοι πότοι, ὁποῖαι δὲ νύκτες καὶ οἵοις καὶ ἡλίκοις συγκαθεύδεις; οὐκ οἶσθα ὡς ὦτα καὶ ὀφθαλμοὶ πολλοὶ βασιλέως; τὰ δὲ σὰ οὕτω περιφανῆ ἐστιν ὡς καὶ τυφλοῖς εἶναι καὶ κωφοῖς γνώριμα· εἰ γὰρ καὶ φθέγξαιο μόνον, εἰ γὰρ καὶ λουόμενος ἀποδύσαιο, μᾶλλον δὲ μὴ ἀποδύσῃ, εἰ δοκεῖ, οἱ δʼ οἰκέται μόνον ἢν ἀποδύσωνταί σου, τί οἴει; μὴ αὐτίκα ἔσεσθαι πάντα σου πρόδηλα τὰ τῆς νυκτὸς ἀπόρρητα; εἰπὲ γοῦν μοι καὶ τόδε, εἰ Βάσσος ὁ ὑμέτερος ἐκεῖνος σοφιστὴς ἢ Βάταλος ὁ αὐλητὴς ἢ ὁ κίναιδος Ἡμιθέων ὁ Συβαρίτης, ὃς τοὺς θαυμαστοὺς ὑμῖν νόμους συνέγραψεν, ὡς χρὴ λεαίνεσθαι καὶ παρατίλλεσθαι καὶ πάσχειν καὶ ποιεῖν ἐκεῖνα, — εἰ τούτων τις νυνὶ λεοντῆν περιβαλόμενος καὶ ῥόπαλον ἔχων βαδίζοι, τί οἴει φανεῖσθαι τοῖς ὁρῶσιν; Ἡρακλέα εἶναι αὐτόν; οὔκ, εἴ γε μὴ χύτραις λημῶντες τυγχάνοιεν. μυρία γάρ ἐστι τὰ ἀντιμαρτυροῦντα τῷ σχήματι, βάδισμα καὶ βλέμμα καὶ φωνὴ καὶ τράχηλος ἐπικεκλασμένος καὶ ψιμύθιον καὶ μαστίχη καὶ φῦκος, οἷς ὑμεῖς κοσμεῖσθε, καὶ ὅλως κατὰ τὴν παροιμίαν, θᾶττον ἂν πέντε ἐλέφαντας ὑπὸ μάλης κρύψειας ἢ ἕνα κίναιδον. εἶτα ἡ λεοντῆ μὲν τὸν τοιοῦτον οὐκ ἂν ἔκρυψεν, σὺ δʼ οἴει λήσειν σκεπόμενος βιβλίῳ; ἀλλʼ οὐ δυνατόν· προδώσει γάρ σε καὶ ἀποκαλύψει τὰ ἄλλα ὑμῶν γνωρίσματα.
τὸ δʼ ὅλον ἀγνοεῖν μοι δοκεῖς ὅτι τὰς ἀγαθὰς ἐλπίδας οὐ παρὰ τῶν βιβλιοκαπήλων δεῖ ζητεῖν, ἀλλὰ παρʼ αὑτοῦ καὶ τοῦ καθʼ ἡμέραν βίου λαμβάνειν. σὺ δʼ οἴει συνήγορον κοινὸν καὶ μάρτυρα ἔσεσθαί σοι τὸν Ἀττικὸν καὶ Καλλῖνον τοὺς βιβλιογράφους; οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ὠμούς τινας ἀνθρώπους ἐπιτρίψοντάς σε, ἢν οἱ θεοὶ ἐθέλωσι, καὶ πρὸς ἔσχατον πενίας συνελάσοντας· δέον ἔτι νῦν σωφρονήσαντα ἀποδόσθαι μέν τινι τῶν πεπαιδευμένων τὰ βιβλία ταῦτα καὶ σὺν αὐτοῖς τὴν νεόκτιστον ταύτην οἰκίαν, ἀποδοῦναι δὲ τοῖς ἀνδραποδοκαπήλοις μέρος γοῦν ἀπὸ πολλῶν τῶν ὀφειλομένων.
καὶ γὰρ κἀκεῖνα· περὶ δύο ταῦτα δεινῶς ἐσπούδακας, βιβλίων τε τῶν πολυτελῶν κτῆσιν καὶ μειρακίων τῶν ἐξώρων καὶ ἤδη καρτερῶν ὠνήν, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμά σοι πάνυ σπουδάζεται καὶ θηρεύεται. ἀδύνατον δὲ πένητα ὄντα πρὸς ἄμφω διαρκεῖν. σκόπει τοίνυν ὡς ἱερὸν χρῆμα συμβουλή. ἀξιῶ γάρ σε ἀφέμενον τῶν μηδὲν προσηκόντων τὴν ἑτέραν νόσον θεραπεύειν καὶ τοὺς ὑπηρέτας ἐκείνους ὠνεῖσθαι, ὅπως μὴ ἐπιλειπόντων σε τῶν οἴκοθεν μεταστέλλοιό τινας τῶν ἐλευθέρων, οἷς ἀκίνδυνον ἀπελθοῦσιν, ἢν μὴ λάβωσιν ἅπαντα, ἐξαγορεῦσαι τὰ πραχθέντα ὑμῖν μετὰ τὸν πότον, οἷα καὶ πρῴην αἴσχιστα περὶ σοῦ διηγεῖτο ἐξελθὼν ὁ πόρνος, ἔτι καὶ δήγματα ἐπιδεικνύς. ἀλλʼ ἔγωγε καὶ μάρτυρας ἂν παρασχοίμην τοὺς τότε παρόντας ὡς ἠγανάκτησα καὶ ὀλίγου πληγὰς ἐνέτριψα αὐτῷ χαλεπαίνων ὑπὲρ σοῦ, καὶ μάλισθʼ ὅτε καὶ ἄλλον ἐπεκαλέσατο μάρτυρα τῶν ὁμοίων καὶ ἄλλον ταὐτὰ καὶ λόγοις διηγουμένους. πρὸς δὴ ταῦτα, ὦγαθέ, ταμιεύου τἀργύριον καὶ φύλαττε, ὡς οἴκοι καὶ κατὰ πολλὴν ἀσφάλειαν ταῦτα ποιεῖν καὶ πάσχειν ἔχῃς. ὥστε μὲν γὰρ μηκέτι ἐργάζεσθαι τίς ἂν μεταπείσειέ σε; οὐδὲ γὰρ κύων ἅπαξ παύσαιτʼ ἂν σκυτοτραγεῖν μαθοῦσα.
But I am talking nonsense. The cause of your bibliomania is clear enough; I must have been dozing, or I should have seen it long ago. This is your idea of strategy: you know the Emperor’s scholarly tastes, and his respect for culture, and you think it will be worth something to you if he hears of your literary pursuits. Once let your name be mentioned to him as a great buyer and collector of books, and you reckon that your fortune is made. Vile creature! and is the Emperor drugged with mandragora that he should hear of this and never know the rest, your daylight iniquities, your tipplings, your monstrous nightly debauches? Know you not that an Emperor has many eyes and many ears? Yet your deeds are such as cannot be concealed from the blind or the deaf. I may tell you at once, as you seem not to know it, that a man’s hopes of the Imperial favour depend not on his book-bills, but on his character and daily life. Are you counting upon Atticus and Callinus, the copyists, to put in a good word for you? Then you are deceived: those relentless gentlemen propose, with the Gods’ good leave, to grind you down and reduce you to utter destitution. Come to your senses while there is yet time: sell your library to some scholar, and whilst you are about it sell your new house too, and wipe off part of your debt to the slave-dealers.
You see, you will ride both these hobbies at once; there is the trouble: besides your expensive books you must have your superannuated minions; you are insatiable in these pursuits, and you cannot follow both without money. Now observe how precious a thing is counsel. I recommend you to dispense with the superfluous, and confine your attention to your other foible; in other words, keep your money for the slave-dealers, or your private supplies will run short, and you will be reduced to calling in the services of freemen, who will want every penny you possess; otherwise there is nothing to prevent them from telling how your time is spent when you are in liquor. Only the other day I heard some very ugly stories about you—backed, too, by ocular evidence: the bystanders on that occasion are my witnesses how angry I was on your account; I was in two minds about giving the fellow a thrashing; and the annoying part of it was that he appealed to more than one witness who had had the same experience and told just the same tale. Let this be a warning to you to economize, so that you may be able to have your enjoyments at home in all security. I do not suggest that you should give up these practices: that is quite hopeless; the dog that has gnawed leather once will gnaw leather always.
τὸ δʼ ἕτερον ῥᾴδιον, τὸ μηκέτι ὠνεῖσθαι βιβλία. ἱκανῶς πεπαίδευσαι, ἅλις σοι τῆς σοφίας. μόνον οὐκ ἐπʼ ἄκρου τοῦ χείλους ἔχεις τὰ παλαιὰ πάντα. πᾶσαν μὲν ἱστορίαν οἶσθα, πάσας δὲ λόγων τέχνας καὶ κάλλη αὐτῶν καὶ κακίας καὶ ὀνομάτων χρῆσιν τῶν Ἀττικῶν· πάνσοφόν τι χρῆμα καὶ ἄκρον ἐν παιδείᾳ γεγένησαι διὰ τὸ πλῆθος τῶν βιβλίων. κωλύει γὰρ οὐδὲν κἀμέ σοι ἐνδιατρίβειν, ἐπειδὴ χαίρεις ἐξαπατώμενος.
ἡδέως δʼ ἂν καὶ ἐροίμην σε, τὰ τοσαῦτα βιβλία ἔχων τί μάλιστα ἀναγιγνώσκεις αὐτῶν; τὰ Πλάτωνος; τὰ Ἀντισθένους; τὰ Ἀρχιλόχου; τὰ Ἱππώνακτος; ἢ τούτων μὲν ὑπερφρονεῖς, ῥήτορες δὲ μάλιστά σοι διὰ χειρός; εἰπέ μοι, καὶ Αἰσχίνου τὸν κατὰ Τιμάρχου λόγον ἀναγιγνώσκεις; ἢ ἐκεῖνά γε πάντα οἶσθα καὶ γιγνώσκεις αὐτῶν ἕκαστον, τὸν δὲ Ἀριστοφάνην καὶ τὸν Εὔπολιν ὑποδέδυκας; ἀνέγνως καὶ τοὺς Βάπτας, τὸ δρᾶμα ὅλον; εἶτʼ οὐδέν σου τἀκεῖ καθίκετο, οὐδʼ ἠρυθρίασας γνωρίσας αὐτά; τοῦτο γοῦν καὶ μάλιστα θαυμάσειεν ἄν τις, τίνα ποτὲ ψυχὴν ἔχων ἅπτῃ τῶν βιβλίων, ὁποίαις αὐτὰ χερσὶν ἀνελίττεις. πότε δὲ ἀναγιγνώσκεις; μεθʼ ἡμέραν; ἀλλʼ οὐδεὶς ἑώρακε τοῦτο ποιοῦντα. ἀλλὰ νύκτωρ; πότερον ἐπιτεταγμένος ἤδη ἐκείνοις ἢ πρὸ τῶν λόγων;
ἀλλὰ πρὸς Κότυος μηκέτι μὴ τολμήσῃς τοιοῦτο μηδέν, ἄφες δὲ τὰ βιβλία καὶ μόνα ἐργάζου τὰ σαυτοῦ. καίτοι ἐχρῆν μηκέτι μηδὲ ἐκεῖνα„ αἰδεσθῆναι δὲ τὴν τοῦ Εὐριπίδου Φαίδραν καὶ ὑπὲρ τῶν γυναικῶν ἀγανακτοῦσαν καὶ λέγουσαν, οὐδὲ σκότον φρίσσουσι τὸν συνεργάτην / τέρεμνά τʼ οἴκων μή ποτε φθογγὴν ἀφῇ. / εἰ δὲ πάντως ἐμμένειν τῇ ὁμοίᾳ νόσῳ διέγνωσται, ἴθι, ὠνοῦ μὲν βιβλία καὶ οἴκοι κατακλείσας ἔχε καὶ καρποῦ τὴν δόξαν τῶν κτημάτων. ἱκανόν σοι καὶ τοῦτο. προσάψῃ δὲ μηδέποτε μηδὲ ἀναγνῷς μηδὲ ὑπαγάγῃς τῇ γλώττῃ παλαιῶν ἀνδρῶν λόγους καὶ ποιήματα μηδὲν δεινόν σε εἰργασμένα.
οἶδα ὡς μάτην ταῦτά μοι λελήρηται καὶ κατὰ τὴν παροιμίαν Αἰθίοπα σμήχειν ἐπιχειρῶ· σὺ γὰρ ὠνήσῃ καὶ χρήσῃ εἰς οὐδὲν καὶ καταγελασθήσῃ πρὸς τῶν πεπαιδευμένων, οἷς ἀπόχρη ὠφελεῖσθαι οὐκ ἐκ τοῦ κάλλους τῶν βιβλίων οὐδʼ ἐκ τῆς πολυτελείας αὐτῶν, ἀλλʼ ἐκ τῆς φωνῆς καὶ τῆς γνώμης τῶν γεγραφότων.
On the other hand, you can easily do without books. Your education is complete; you have nothing more to learn; you have the ancients as it were on the tip of your tongue; all history is known to you; you are a master of the choice and management of words, you have got the true Attic vocabulary; the multitude of your books has made a ripe scholar of you. (You love flattery, and there is no reason why I should not indulge you as well as another.)
But I am rather curious on one point: what are your favourite books among so many? Plato? Antisthenes? Archilochus? Hipponax? Or are they passed over in favour of the orators? Do you ever read the speech of Aeschines against Timarchus? All that sort of thing I suppose you have by heart. And have you grappled with Aristophanes and Eupolis? Did you ever go through the Baptae? Well then, you must surely have come on some embarrassing home-truths in that play? It is difficult to imagine that mind of yours bent upon literary studies, and those hands turning over the pages. When do you do your reading? In the daytime, or at night? If the former, you must do it when no one is looking: and if the latter, is it done in the midst of more engrossing pursuits, or do you work it in before your rhetorical outpourings? As you reverence Cotytto, venture not again into the paths of literature; have done with books, and keep to your own peculiar business. If you had any sense of shame, to be sure, you would abandon that too: think of Phaedra’s indignant protest against her sex:
Darkness is their accomplice, yet they fear not, Fear not the chamber-walls, their confidants.
But no: you are determined not to be cured. Very well: buy book upon book, shut them safely up, and reap the glory that comes of possession: only, let that be enough; presume not to touch nor read; pollute not with that tongue the poetry and eloquence of the ancients; what harm have they ever done to you?
σὺ δὲ οἴει θεραπεύσειν τὴν ἀπαιδευσίαν καὶ ἐπικαλύψειν τῇ δόξῃ ταύτῃ καὶ ἐκπλήξειν τῷ πλήθει τῶν βιβλίων, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅτι καὶ οἱ ἀμαθέστατοι τῶν ἰατρῶν τὸ αὐτὸ σοὶ ποιοῦσιν, ἐλεφαντίνους νάρθηκας καὶ σικύας ἀργυρᾶς ποιούμενοι καὶ σμίλας χρυσοκολλήτους· ὁπόταν δὲ καὶ χρήσασθαι τούτοις δέῃ, οἱ μὲν οὐδὲ ὅπως χρὴ μεταχειρίσασθαι αὐτὰ ἴσασιν· παρελθὼν δέ τις εἰς τὸ μέσον τῶν μεμαθηκότων φλεβότομον εὖ μάλα ἠκονημένον ἔχων ἰοῦ τἄλλα μεστὸν ἀπήλλαξε τῆς ὀδύνης τὸν νοσοῦντα. ἵνα δὲ καὶ γελοιοτέρῳ τινὶ τὰ σὰ εἰκάσω, τοὺς κουρέας τούτους ἐπίσκεψαι, καὶ ὄψει τοὺς μὲν τεχνίτας αὐτῶν ξυρὸν καὶ μαχαιρίδας καὶ κάτοπτρον σύμμετρον ἔχοντας, τοὺς δὲ ἀμαθεῖς καὶ ἰδιώτας πλῆθος μαχαιρίδων προτιθέντας καὶ κάτοπτρα μεγάλα, οὐ μὴν λήσειν γε διὰ ταῦτα οὐδὲν εἰδότας. ἀλλὰ τὸ γελοιότατον ἐκεῖνο πάσχουσιν, ὅτι κείρονται μὲν οἱ πολλοὶ παρὰ τοῖς γείτοσιν αὐτῶν, πρὸς δὲ τὰ ἐκείνων κάτοπτρα προσελθόντες τὰς κόμας εὐθετίζουσιν.
καὶ σὺ τοίνυν ἄλλῳ μὲν δεηθέντι χρήσειας ἂν τὰ βιβλία, χρήσασθαι δὲ αὐτὸς οὐκ ἂν δύναιο. καίτοι οὐδὲ ἔχρησάς τινι βιβλίον πώποτε, ἀλλὰ τὸ τῆς κυνὸς ποιεῖς τῆς ἐν τῇ φάτνῃ κατακειμένης, ἣ οὔτε αὐτὴ τῶν κριθῶν ἐσθίει οὔτε τῷ ἵππῳ δυναμένῳ φαγεῖν ἐπιτρέπει.
ταῦτα τό γε νῦν εἶναι ὑπὲρ μόνων τῶν βιβλίων παρρησιάζομαι πρὸς σέ, περὶ δὲ τῶν ἄλλων ὅσα κατάπτυστα καὶ ἐπονείδιστα ποιεῖς, αὖθις ἀκούσῃ πολλάκις.
All this advice is thrown away, I know that. Shall an Ethiopian change his skin? You will go on buying books that you cannot use— to the amusement of educated men, who derive profit not from the price of a book, nor from its handsome appearance, but from the sense and sound of its contents. You think by the multitude of books to supply the deficiencies of your education, and to throw dust in our eyes. Did you but know it, you are exactly like the quack doctors, who provide themselves with silver cupping-glasses, gold-handled lancets, and ivory cases for their instruments; they are quite incapable of using them when the time comes, and have to give place to some properly qualified surgeon, who produces a lancet with a keen edge and a rusty handle, and affords immediate relief to the sufferer. Or here is a better parallel: take the case of the barbers: you will find that the skilled practitioners have just the razor, scissors, and mirror that their work requires: the impostors’ razors are numerous, and their mirrors magnificent. However, that does not serve to conceal their incompetence, and the result is most amusing: the average man gets his hair cut by one of their more capable neighbours, and then goes and arranges it before their glasses. That is just what your books are good for—to lend to other people; you are quite incapable of using them yourself. Not that you ever have lent any one a single volume; true to your dog-in-the-manger principles, you neither eat the corn yourself, nor give the horse a chance.
There you have my candid opinion about your books: I shall find other opportunities of dealing with your disreputable conduct in general.
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