Lord Xenu Picture

I was in the mood to draw Xenu, the evil overlord alien from that cult that might sue me if I say their name. Now, after going over Wikipedia articles, I realized that Xenu's story is really, really stupid. Like, seriously, go read it. I can wait.

Wasn't that the worst scifi you've ever read? Okay, maybe you've read worse. I don't fancy myself as a better writer than the guy who came up with it, but there are countless ways to rewrite the Xenu story for it to be really entertaining. As it is now, it's the story of an intergalactic despot with no character whatsoever who captures a bunch of aliens for no adequately explored reason, freezes them in carbonite, takes them to Earth, for no reason, kills them with a combination of volcanoes and hydrogen bombs, absorbs their souls, brainwashes them, then allows them to possess ancient humans, before being dethroned and imprisoned possibly on Earth. I almost feel dumber typing all of that. Not to take anything away from that nameless organization or anything, and I know most of them treat it like dumbass myths in other religions as metaphor to learn from rather than factual history, but I'm just saying it's a really stupid story.

Here's my version: 75 million years ago, Xenu was the leader of a revolution in the Galactic Confederacy. After he (she? it? he doesn't have to be male, I guess) took over the intergalactic government, especially its military, he put everything towards his experiments to pursue some kind of singularity or spiritual rapture that was his grand philosophical endgame. The prisoners were taken to several planets capable of supporting life, one of them being prehistoric Earth, and systematically killed off the prisoners in global cataclysms that destroyed the native life forms and allowed his experiments to proceed. The destruction yielded the thetans to form from the widespread death, and the spiritual energy beings remained here, haunting the Earth ever since. Humans evolved alongside these ghosts, and all of the madness, fear, despair, and rage of the thetans has haunted our species for ages, leading to widespread depression, negativity, and all that bad stuff. Now, that organization I still won't name has plenty of money-related methods to curing what ails you, but I still say the cure for thetan haunting is sex, drugs, and rock & roll. Simple solutions, you know. As for Xenu, I suggest his fate be left ambiguous. Maybe he became a thetan, maybe he became immortal, maybe he died millions of years ago. Maybe the Galactic Confederacy still studies us, maybe they ignored us long ago, and maybe they were destroyed or singularitied eons ago. Like every mythology, the answers might only be found as our technology and understanding of the universe moves forward.

Whatever, this was fun to draw. I wanted to make him spiderlike to sell the whole "Lord of Nightmares" gimmick I figure he'd have. The great demon of the revolution should've struck terrible fear in the prisoners who became the thetans, which I guess could explain arachnophobia and such. I was grasping at straw for some aspects of his design, but I really love how it came out. The cross-like sigil I put on his armor, meant to be the symbol of the Galactic Confederacy while he ruled it, is meant to poke at the Christian Cross, which has some basis on those wikipedia pages I mentioned, as well as sort of look like a mushroom cloud since Xenu used hydrogen bombs in his experiment. In any case, I hope you like the design. It was a lot of fun to draw.

Xenu is not owned by me
Continue Reading: The Fates