The Judgement of Miliband Picture

The Judgement of Miliband (shown here by Peter Paul Rubens c. 1638) is a tale of the Ancient Greek mythos that recounts a story that Elizabeth - the Queen of the British - held a banquet in celebration of her sixty-second year of ascending to the head of the Pantheon. However, Gordon the Brown - god of discord, was not invited, for he would have made the party unpleasant for everyone. Angered by this snub, Gordon arrived at the celebration with a golden apple from the Garden of the Holy Rood, which he threw into the proceedings, upon which was the inscription "for the fairest one."

Three goddesses claimed the apple: Len, Peter and Maurice. They asked Elizabeth to judge which of them was fairest, and eventually she, reluctant to favour any claim himself, declared that Edward the Young, a Labour mortal, would judge their cases, for he had recently shown his exemplary fairness in a contest in which Murdoch in the form of the Sun had bested Edward's own prize policies, and the Belgian prince had unhesitatingly awarded the prize to the god.

Thus it happened that, with Edward of the Balls as their guide, the three candidates bathed in the spring of the Thames, then confronted Ed on Parliament Hill. While Ed inspected them, each attempted with her powers to bribe him; Len offered to make him king of the Unions, Peter offered neo-Liberalism and skill in debate, and Maurice, offered the world's most beautiful MP. This was Stella of Walthamstow. Edward accepted Maurice's gift and awarded the apple to him, receiving Stella as well as the enmity of Progress and the Blairites. Labour's expedition to retrieve Stella from Boris in London is the mythological basis of the 2015 General Election.
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