10K Must Think I Suck Picture

NOTE: Since most people can’t be bothered to read my writing, lemme just point out that this is a joke picture and not a legitimate attack on any one fandom. So flagging me will only make Santa skip your house for being a joyless spinster. That’s right, spinster. I know the word.

Cappy’s Random Rant
Have you ever tried to google your Deviantart name, or even the first part of your email address, to see what freak coincidences have also used your ‘original’ title? Of course, this really only works for the more unique creations and spellings; “Juicy-Booty-Gurl” will net the millions of expected porn links. I was curious, though I was pretty certain there could only be one loser idiotic enough to call himself Cappy. I whimsically pounded ‘mrcappy’ into the search bar and clicked enter.


I truly hope friends and family haven’t searched for my art site in such a manner. Let’s see, the first nugget of luck has my name linked with a middle-aged married man who’s looking for a bondage partner. On the bright side, if there is any in this eclipse of shame, he brags about being “thick”! Another similar themed link has me as a Spanish kid who’s really, REALLY, into lesbian hentai. Apparently he also loves alternating the CAPS LOCK function. “?DoNde eStaS el JuiCY-BoOty-GurL?”

Less offensive, my namesake has already been registered on Livejournal and MySpace.

On the plus side, I found a Deviant journal where a now popular artist stated that one of my long-winded comments on her work inspired her to keep drawing. You never know if your specific comment will make an impact on a person, but most definitely our collective comments do help in bolstering their pride despite a society that’s weaning out art for computer generated crap. Sadly, I can’t find that journal…would have been nice to comment on how well off she is.

So homeboy/homegirl/homeskillet, go ahead and report your googlized shame to me! Maybe we can hookup your diaper fetishist with my submissive married dandy.

Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition

Thank you my art buddies. On January 10, in the year of our merciful Lord 2007, Cappy is now a Power Hitter Artist. Five digits, TEN THOUSAND page views; if you little brats had chipped in a buck apiece then I could have bought ten diesel-powered scanners that don’t have a frickin’ burn smear… Now that I have such an honor, I can be like most Power Hitters and be whiney little butts! I’ve stated a long time ago that I’ve stopped leaving comments on art when the descriptions read “OMG I ISH SUCH TEH SUCKY ARTEEST LOL!!!” Especially when that artist has like a billion-five page views. Wanna know a secret? Well, they do it for attention. Shocker. When people self-deprecate, it guilts people into giving positive support and really lay on the kiss-assery to make the artist feel better. No, the artist isn’t on suicide watch. Riddle me this Batman: if the artist truly thought their art sucked…why did they upload it? Because they’re melodramatic. Do you know how many naked photos there are of me online? Zero. I don’t like the idea of me being naked, thus there are no pictures uploaded. Make sense? And heck, people still ask me “Why do you call yourself Mister Crappy, do you hate your work?” No, I hate dyslexia.

And that’s the opposite reason why I draw. I used to be hurt when I received few comments; now, I draw what I love, and if I get comments then that’s the complimentary bread to my Olive Garden dinner. Don’t worry my friend, people are just genetically lazy and are watching eighty other artists, thus getting few comments is natural unless you whine to whore-mine comments or draw fan service just to get site hits. I am absolutely enthralled with the quality buddies that give feedback or even the one or two comments to show you’re still alive. I’ve learned to be empowered by the quality and not the quantity of compliments. But I still do my part and leave thoughtful comments to budding and established artists because we all need that recognition. If you want to pay Cappy back for all the laughs he graciously gave you, browse a picture from the newest uploaded art and give that artist a real good review; you’ll be amazed at how powerful your words are. And hey, you’re still talented too, so don’t you give up on me! You’re gonna impact the world with your creations…unless it’s yaoi. Sorry, the Bible says that stuff brings about the Apocalypse.

You know what else? I’m ain’t humble. I deserve all the publicity! That’s right I said it! I absolutely adore drawing, a form that is as old as the cavemen, which archeologists use to decipher the lives of civilizations past. It’s what God graced me with, and I’ve never complained. I would never trade my ability for anything…except, you know, Swedish bikini models. But no less than seven of the buxom babes! I create what I love, I put my all into it, and am proud of what I produce. I think I earned my hit points, and I didn’t even have to bash America or upload nakie photos!

So to celebrate my accomplishment…I figured I’d offend all the staples that rack up such hits! Chernobyl Cappy wraps up all the fandoms into a horrible abomination of cuteness. Is this your messiah?!

Lemme see, there’s the depressing black bandana and Chernobyl Cappy’s cloudy disposition to represent the Goths and Emos. Goths: I’d love your stuff more if you lay off illustrating all the gallons of blood. Emos…continue being Emo.

Foxy ears represent the furry community. Want to know why people don’t respect furries…besides, you know, the whole yiffy porn thing? There are about five original artists in the fandom, and the rest simply rip off the designs of said artists. The big fox-like ears with steel rods thru them is probably the most blatant rip off I’ve ever seen, it’d make anime proud! I can’t compliment on most furry art I see since I have no clue if it’s just another rip off design.

Speaking of anime, those Card Captor doodle-wings are still being drawn by people? I admire your dedication to a series. And if you drew them based off another anime series, then that shows you the utter lack of copyright in Japan. Is there just one guy over there creating every series now? How many ditzy schoolgirls can get sucked into an alternate feudal dimensions (Inuyasha, Escaflowne, Fushigi Yuugi)? Why not a smart lady…a librarian, huh? When does she get her turn to shine?!

Trench coat and armband to represent those silly teens who want attention by drawing Nazi themes. Yes it offends people, and yes you deserve the heckling. Nazis PLUS furries equals hilarity and depression all at once, creating a wormhole in the soul.

I threw in a wand for Harry Potter fans. And a ring for Lord of the Ring fans. Isn’t it…precious?! Yeah I got nothing.

Finally, I didn’t know what to put for the body, so I made one of those naga ones that are so popular. Okay, nagas and lamias are as old as time, every culture has a variation of the beasts. In fact thanks to RPGs I know way too much about mythology. But you gotta give credit to the artist here who made them popular, because it was a unique concept to embrace. And I won’t even bash the artist’s legion of fans, because that is the perk of hitting artistic gold. No, the shame belongs to any kid that draws a naga and then claims that they weren’t inspired by the original artist. LIAR! Do you know how many nagas have been drawn, not named Medusa, before the popularization? None, because they suck; in fact the Breath of Fire game series succeeded in making a naga almost fifty-percent attractive. One artist was able to make them trendy, and only because she did so, she deserves credit for any naga you illustrate.

If I’ve offended you…there’s no way to take back the page views, neener neener! And you wanna know something even more shocking? I’m a hypocrite! Yuppers, everyone is influenced by others and the things they see; look hard enough and I’m sure you can find what inspired me. I started with fan characters of Mega Man, then the anime style, then a more Americana style, and then a mishmash of all that. So it’s really impractical to bash fantards because we’re all fantards. Just have the common courtesy to credit those special people and events instead of pompously claiming originality.
For the copycats: Doodle scanned into Microsoft Paint as a 24-color Bitmap, painstakingly cleaned up and colored, saved as JPEG. TIPS: use the zoom function in the Image option to cleanup each pixel up close. Comes out looking like a Genesis or Super Nintendo sprite, huh? It better…
-The “So Very Flattered And Grateful” Cappy
Continue Reading: Medusa