You Can No Longer Look Past Me Picture

This started out with one blindingly brilliant notion: "You can't look past me." It was in the winter of 2003, and I'd written that phrase in the snow in the front yard. It was initially because my father-in-law liked to pretend I didn't exist (not much has changed, by the way), and didn't so much as acknowledge me unless he absolutely had to ("Did you want bread?" ain't exactly validating my reality in terms of his, y'know?). But then that idea... "You can't look past me." It became, "You can no longer look past me." And it was directed to a hell of a lot more than one person. Consider this... my validation of myself. And I'm not stepping down.

Every little piece of this painting is important. It's a blend of my mythologies--the things that make me whole. It started off with the red eyes; my red contacts, the two-sided masks and lenses to the world. Then came the semi-draconic figure, neither male nor female, but both and neither--smiling vaguely, casually holding flames in one hand and spreading some bit of "magic" with the other. The hair is mine (red and black) with one exception--one strand of blue near the front. Well, that's Shadow's influence. One wing poised as a "demon's", another as an "angel's"--the demon's is lighter and easier to carry, ironically. The soft feathers of the angel's wing can be as much blessing as it is a curse. (I kinda wanted the wing to look like it was shedding all of its lower feathers, but it turned out looking like a disfigured wing... ah well.)

From that wing drop feathers, representing things that I am still looking for--with a black and silver feather near the lower right corner above my signature that didn't show up very well. In the midst of the feathers is my servant and my mistress, my guitar Nightshade. She's wrapped in a particular kind of rose--the aungrose. It doesn't signify a bloodline, per se, but it signifies the adversity that a certain bloodline has fought against. (Don't worry, it's just too much to explain right now... but if you know Shadow, you'll know the rose.)

Underfoot by Nightshade is the beginning of the roses to the right, but to the left sprouts an actual sprig of deadly nightshade. Encircling the three blossoms (the number itself significant, symbolizing the most important "threes" in my life), is my dog chain (which I wear almost all the time) and Coey's collar (an item I've kept with me since I was somewhat forced to leave him behind in a physical sense).

To the left of those relics are symbols recognized in just about every spiritual path and religion--the blade and the chalice, though in this case the chalice is filled with blood. To the left of that scene is the mask of a phoenix (one I've not made yet... but some day). And underneath it all is a simplistic concept of the "outer universe".

So is this piece actually finished? Definitely not. There's still work yet to do sometime in the future. But this is speaking as an artist, therefore nothing ever really feels done. No matter. I enjoy it for what it is.

You can no longer look past me. I've gone too far to ever go back.
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