IT'S OKAY APOLLO Picture

WHEN PEOPLE SEE ME THEY RUN AWAY AND PRETEND TO BE TREES TOO.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU LOVE IT OR HATE IT OR ARE COMPLETELY INDIFFERENT. I DREW THIS PICTURE FOR YOU SO YOU SHOULD ENJOY IT.

Coincidentally in my Mythology class today, we started talking about the many failed loves of Apollo. He's the prettiest and most talented and poetic god around, but he has a serious problem with women. His poetry just fails when he's in love.

Apollo: Hi there female would you like the gift of prophecy in exchange for physical intimacy?
Cassandra: Oh sure.
Apollo: Oh yay here you go you can see the future now.
Cassandra: Sweet! BTW I promised to be chaste forever.
Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Apollo: Hi there female i can has a certain... um, favour?
Sybil: Okay give me as many birthdays as there are grains of sand in my hand.
Apollo: Sweet, done.
Sybil: Ack I hate this I'mma get old
Apollo: Ew, old. I can give you youth too if you surrender your virginity-
Sybil: Like hell. *turns into a cicada*
Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Apollo: hey there female you are smokin'-
Idas: Back off dude she's mine
Marpessa: oh no a love triangle!
Zeus: CHOOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE MORE.
Marpessa: HMMM AN IMMORTAL TALENTED HANDSOME GOD OR A MORTAL WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE AN ARGONAUT
Apollo: aw yeah I so got this
Marpessa: I CHOOSE THE SILLY MORTAL. WE CAN GROW OLD TOGETHER AND HE WON'T ABANDON ME.
Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And it's not like Apollo didn't try it with men too

Apollo: hey Hyacinthus let's throw the discus around <3
Hyacinthus: Okay
Apollo: *accidentally smacks him in the face with a discus*
Hyacinthus: AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
Apollo: WAIT I CAN TURN YOUR BLOOD INTO FLOWERS
Hyacinthus: *dies*
Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This particular story is the first and probably the most famous, and it goes something like this

Eros: *starts drawing an arrow*
Apollo: Dude, don't even try. I am the master archer. The bow just looks stupid in your hands.
Eros: Dude back off I am going to shoot you
Apollo: You couldn't hit the ground if you were aiming at it.
Eros: *turns to shoot Daphne*
Apollo: That's right you're totally not man enough
Eros: *shoots Apollo and Daphne in the chest*
Apollo: I AM SUDDENLY OVERCOME WITH AFFECTION FOR YOU DAPHNE
Daphne: HAGHESIGENJSKIG *runs away*
Apollo: YOU CAN'T OUT RUN ME I AM A GOD
Daphne: OH DAMN DAD DO SOMETHING *gets turned into a tree*
Apollo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

In this picture Apollo's putting Ovid's Metamorphoses to emo music while Daphne is thinking "MAYBE IF I PRETEND TO BE A TREE FOR A BIT LONGER HE'LL GO AWAY."

So whether you love or hate valentines day, I hope the sad stories of Apollo cheer you up somehow.

THIS WILL PROBABLY BE SCRAPPED. I WAS SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING WORKING HARD ON IT BUT I WAS LIKE NO I'M TIRED AND I'M NOT GOING TO WASTE THE EFFORT FOR A HOLIDAY I DIDN'T EVEN GET CHOCOLATE FOR.
Greek God: Apollo
apollo
IT'S OKAY APOLLO
Apollo
Apollo and the Muses