Stevie Stapleton's Full, Complete, 100% True Bio Picture

I might shade this at some point, but right now I'm sick of looking at it.

Hopping on the bandwagon here, yeehaw~

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Biographical Information 

Full Name - Steven Otto Stapleton
Meaning -  Steven: “crown”; Otto: “wealth/fortune”; and Stapleton is a place in England. (Fun fact: For the longest time, Stevie thought his middle name was equivalent to “Auto,” and his parents had named him after a car.)
Set Age - 14
Certified Birthdate - November 2nd, 1980 (His story takes place during the game, which appears to be set in the early 1990s)
Astrological Sign -  Scorpio
Chinese Zodiac - Monkey
Gender - Male
Aliases & Preferred Nicknames –  Absolutely everyone has always called him “Stevie,” though he doesn't remember why.


Physical Description 

Hair Color -  Almost-black
Eye Color -  Black
Weight –  101lbs
Height - 5' 0”
Typical Clothing Wear :  Stevie is never seen without his blue beanie, ever. All of his clothes are at least two sizes too big for him, and never ironed. His school uniform consists of a white Bullworth polo, blue jeans, and ratty old sneakers.

In the wintertime, Stevie just wants to keep warm. He wears horrible, gaudy Christmas sweaters from December to March, because they're cheap and cozy and have little light-up lights. He seems to be the only one who finds them cool.

Since coming to Bullworth, Stevie's go-to Halloween costume is a bedsheet ghost. He had to use a green sheet because that was the only kind on Gordon's bed. He claims that the ghost also happens to be part zombie

Figure/Build -  Small and slender, making it easy for him to sneak around and fit into small spaces.

Distinguishing Features –  Stevie's got these big, buggy, black eyes that stare for longer than is socially acceptable, and make people uncomfortable. He's also got a long nose and sharp, androgynous features.

Piercings:  Trent thought he could pierce Stevie's nose with a nail he found in the Auto Shop once. It didn't work, but he can still stick paperclips in it.

Personal Information 

Current Living Arrangements -  Boy's Dormitory
Originated from -  Tallahassee, Florida
Traveled Territories -  He's seen most of the East Coast from the back of his dad's truck, and stayed in just about every campsite East of the Mississippi river.
Hobbies -  Tagging, bike-racing, telling tall tales, spying, watching mindless violence on TV.
Fears – Drowning, needles, drowning in needles.

Religion/Beliefs –  No set spiritual beliefs, as they change every other week. Stevie takes everything Handy the Hobo says as gospel, and believes in the supernatural, UFOs, and government conspiracies.

Why?: Stevie thinks it's important to keep an open mind and be ready for anything. He also totally trusts Handy, because it takes a real man to live outside year-round.

Health Behaviors 

Disabilities/Issues: None, bafflingly enough
Addiction(s): Cigarettes.
Why?:  Stevie picked up the habit because he thought that it looked cool. He has no desire to stop, because it's not like he uses his lungs for much, anyway.

Any regular medication taken? –  Grape cough syrup, though he knows very well that it won't help his smokers' cough.


Chronological Information 

Profession – Student, does odd jobs around the Harrington House every now and then
Likes -  High places, secret agents, wintertime, cigarettes, horror movies, pushing peoples' buttons.
Dislikes -  Numbers, gym class, water, forced conversations, getting hit, Terry's stupid haircut.
Goals/Ambitions –  Stevie just wants to have a good time. No long-term goals or aspirations.

Most Memorable Experience -  Nearly drowning as a small child.
Story behind experience:  His father thought that having a boating license made him some kind of expert boatswain. Their boat tipped during a fishing trip, and Stevie couldn't swim. Everyone was all right after that, but Stevie developed a fear of the ocean.
The experience led his mother to dote on him, and so he grew to be lazy, spoiled, and undisciplined, which eventually got him shipped off to Bullworth.

Weapons/Equipments -  Slingshot, “Kick Me” signs, and the occasional firecracker. He's also got a lighter, and a silver cigarette case that he keeps important things in, like money and carnival tickets.

Personal Attributes 

Personality -  Laid-back, scatter-brained, spontaneous.
Strengths -  Stevie can keep calm in tense situations, and is a very convincing liar.
Weaknesses -  Physically wimpy, jumps to wild conclusions, and lacks forethought.
Good Habits -  Ahahaha
Bad Habits -  Smoking, lying, cheating, stealing, picking on others.
Strange Behaviors -  Stevie's thought process can be a bit hard to follow, but he doesn't realize this about himself, and will say things that don't seem to make a lot of sense, then neglect to explain his reasoning. He also picks up and smokes cigarettes that he finds on the ground.
As you know them better(and you like them) :  Stevie is an incredibly loyal friend, and his disregard for consequences and social conventions can make for an exciting afternoon. He can be surprisingly ballsy if he needs to be.
As you know them better(and you hate them) :  Stevie can be incredibly rude and sarcastic, though it's hard to tell because his tone is always calm and airy. He imposes his friendship on others, whether they want it or not, and doesn't seem to grasp the concept of 'personal property.'

Ratings on Personal Qualities 

Physical Strength : 4/10
He's small and almost never attends gym class.
Attractive : 2/10
Stevie's got a weird face and those big, buggy eyes, and always looks like he just rolled out of bed.
Honesty : 5/10
Sometimes he lies to get out of trouble, but he usually lies because he wants to start trouble. But there are some people to whom he tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Rule Abiding : 2/10 
The question of whether something is against the rules or not never factors into his decision-making process.
Sociability : 6/10 
Despite being a bully, Stevie is a pretty chill person, and will at least act friendly toward anyone who could potentially take him in a fight (i.e., more than half of the school). But some people find him hard to deal with.

Bullworth Academy Information 

Reason for enrolling:  His father, a strict ex-marine, thought that Stevie had grown too lazy and undisciplined. He himself had gone to Bullworth as a teenager, and said that it had helped shape him into the man he is today.
Clique -  Bullies
Standing and Rank in Social Circle  - He's more of a mascot than anybody's close friend. Stevie is small, sneaky, and loyal, so he's often stuck doing the things that the others don't want to do, like being a lookout, causing distractions, or being bait. Ethan has taken him as his “disciple,” and insists that he's teaching him the ways of kung-fu, even though they mostly just watch Bruce Lee movies and get Chinese takeout.
Room Number –  6
Roommate(s)-  Lance Jackson and Gordon Wakefield
Favorite Subject(s) – Art
Why?: It's fun and easy, and Ms. Philips is such a lovely woman.
Least Favorite Subject(s) –  Gym, Math
Why?:  Physical exertion and numbers are awful, awful things.
Favorite Teacher –  Mr. Wiggins (the history teacher)
Why?:  He's an old fellow who's been around the block, so he's got tons of stories about the mischief he used to get up to when he was younger. Stevie looks up to him.
Least Favorite Teacher –  Mr. Hattrick
Why?:  He's just a deplorable man.

Knowledgeability 

Language(s) –  English
Schooling Level -  Eighth grade
Expertise –  Art (only because it's the easiest to bullshit through)

Chemistry -  Abysmal (Prefers to “wing it” on every assignment, even when he has written instructions. Never has any idea what he's doing)
Math -  Horrible (Anything beyond multiplying by five is too complicated and not worth the effort)
English -  Decent (He speaks it quite well)
Geography -  Good (It's mostly memorization, and he has a good memory)
Cooking -  Fair (Likes to slap things together and hope they taste good. It's a 50/50 gamble whenever he enters a kitchen)
Shop -  Bad (Stevie only knows how to build bird houses, so that's all he ever makes. Neil only assigned bird houses once.)
Biology -  Lousy (Too many big, weird words that he doesn't understand. He's not very good with a scalpel.)
Mythology -  Decent (Sometimes gets stories mixed up with each other. He also tries to work every tale he hears into his personal belief system, and gets confused when they contradict one another.)
Art -  Awesome (Stevie has virtually no artistic talent, but is able to talk Ms. Philips into believing that there's some kind of deep, powerful meaning behind everything he does. She thinks he's some kind of brilliant artist.)
Photography -  Stevie doesn't take photography class, but likes to tag along with Trent, and makes a good assistant.
Reading Level -  Fifth-grade.


Relationships Statuses  

Trusted Companions 

Closest Friend(s) –  Pedro de la Hoya (Mama's boys have to stick together, after all. Unless they're Algernon.), Ethan Robinson, Tom Gurney, and the dashing Chaplin Mano (all supercool mentors who teach him things that may or may not come in handy later in life)
Friend(s) -  Trent Northwick, Troy Miller, Russel Northrup, Edna, Handy the Hobo (more people who teach him more stuff)
Frenemies – Constantinos Brakus, Gordon Wakefield, Terrance Arbuckle (Catty guys who are fun to argue with, but Stevie likes having them around.)

Rivals 

Worst Enemies –  Mr. Hattrick (His two least favorite things in the world are math and angry people. Hattrick is everything Stevie could ever dislike in a person.)
Intolerable Students -  Hal Esposito (It's a long story that ends with Stevie getting sat on.)

Harmless Acquaintances 

Tolerated Students -  Most of them, even the ones he picks on. Stevie bullies for amusement, and doesn't really “hate” anybody.
Tolerated Townsfolk – All of them.

Hot Lukewarm Encounters 

Crush(es) -  Lola Lombardi (A cute girl who can easily manipulate almost any boy in school, despite her reputation. Stevie's got a lot of respect for that), Duncan (He's tough and cool and his voice is like a Fabio photoshoot.)
Lover(s) - AHAHAHAHAHA

Extra Information 

Eating Habits

Favorite Food(s):  All of them
Favorite Drink(s):  All of them

Added Information 

Proclaimed Theme Song(s) -  “Lump” by The Presidents of the United States [link]
Scent –  Cigarette smoke
Favorite Color:  Green
Favorite Season:  Winter
Favorite Animal:  Pterodactyl
Favorite Music Genres:  '80s arena rock, reggae, and Queen

Most Memorable Quote –  “Don't freak out, man. We've got duct tape.”


Opinions on Others– 

Bullies   

Davis White:  “I hope I'm as good at stuff as he is someday. He sorta reminds me of Dad.”
Ethan Robinson:  “My sensei is a man of vast knowledge. Dunno why he hasn't taught me any real kung-fu yet, but there's probably a good reason for that.”
Russell Northrop:  “He's not as scary once he stops trying to beat you up.”
Tom Gurney:  “Smart guy – real 'insightful' and stuff. He sees stuff the rest of us miss, you know?”
Trent Northwick:  “Trent's classy as hell, what with the art and the theater and the romance and stuff.”
Troy Miller:  “He'll let you think for him, if you use the right words. I like Troy. More people should be like Troy
Wade Martin:  “Dunno why he's so angry all the time. It's kind of exhausting.”


Greasers 

Hal Esposito:  “Eff this guy.”
Johnny Vincent:  “10/10, would hit.”
Norton Williams:  “I've heard he's almost as tough as Russell. Kinda wanna see them go at it in the Hole one day. It'd be like watching a dinosaur battle.”
Peanut Romano:  “Not once have I ever seen him eating any peanuts. I don't get it.”
Vance Medici:  “Saw him combing his hair in the boys' bathroom once. It was like watching an artist sculpt a Greek goddess out of clay. Truly a moving experience.”

Jocks 

Bo Jackson:  “Chaplin seems okay with him, so I am, too.”
Chaplin Mano: “Agent Brah is the coolest man at Bullworth, possibly anywhere.”
Damon West:  “The guy's two hundred pounds of solid rage and testosterone. I saw him dislocate a guy's shoulder once.”
Dan Wilson:  “I hear he was a nerd, and moved up into jock status. His tale is an inspirational one.”
Kirby Olsen:  “He comes in and out of Trent's room sometimes, so they're probably friends. I guess that makes him all right.”
Ted Thompson:  “Everyone says he's the cutest guy in school, but I dunno, he's like a 7.”


Nerds 

Algernon Papadopoulos:  “For a guy who pisses his pants, he's pretty full of himself. It's up to us to knock him down every now and then, so he knows what's up.”
Beatrice Trudeau:  “One time I wrote her this really weird love letter as like a joke, but then she walked around all starry-eyed for like a week and it was really awkward.”
Corneilus Johnson:  “You ever rub two balloons together and heard them squeak? That's how this guy talks.”
Earnest Jones:  “I'm always hearing them talk about this guy, but never actually seen him. Sometimes I wonder if he actually exists.”
Fatty Johnson:  “I have a hard time trusting a man with such an obvious alias. What is he up to?”
Melvin O'Connor:  “I can't understand him half the time. I think he's foreign or something.”
Thad Carlson:  “The man is insane. Don't turn your back on him. Ever.”

Non-Cliques

Angie Ng:  “I always hear her laughing in the halls, even when nothing funny happens. I wonder who her dealer is.”
Christy Martin:  “She knows things, and she'll tell you what she knows if you tell her what you know. Kind of a shady character.”
Constantinos Brakus:  “He's so gloomy about absolutely everything, it's actually kinda funny. He always puts me in a good mood.”
Eunice Pound:  “She whacked me on the back of my head once, and I literally saw stars. Gotta respect a woman who can throw a punch.”
Gary Smith:  “A man with a plan. Godspeed, man.”
Gloria Jackson:  “Not human. I dunno if it's a cyborg, or an alien, or some kinda midget genius spy, but there is no way Gloria is just a kid.”
Gordon Wakefield:  “He gets really mad if someone reminds him that he's just like anybody else. It's kinda fun to see what sets him off.”
Ivan Alexander:  “He can fall asleep all heaped up in a corner and won't wake up for anything, even if you go through all his pockets and steal his shoes and draw on his face. I dunno if it's creepy or awesome.”
Jimmy Hopkins:  “I've never actually seen him up close, but he's the reason Russell let me hang out with him in the first place, so mad props to him.”
Lance Jackson:  “Pretty chill bro. He's pretty much in charge of our room since his brother can come in and beat us up whenever. But it's a peaceful dictatorship.”
Pedro De La Hoya:  “Kind of a wimp, but he's good to have around. I see a lot of myself in the kid, so I've gotta look out for him and stuff.”
Pete Kowalski:  “He's a huge pushover who gives me answers in class. I like people like him.”
Ray Hughes:  “Hands out money like a damned ATM, and all I have to do is be kind of nice to him in class. Score.”
Sheldon Thompson:  “I don't wanna be friends.”

Preppies 

Bif Taylor:  “I'm convinced that the guy's part giant, or the descendant of some kinda Norse god or something.”
Bryce Montrose:  “Kinda wound-up, but he's still a classy gentleman.”
Chad Morris:  “Mr. Morris is kind of a crappy boss. I guess he still needs practice.”
Derby Harrington:  “I'm not totally sure how his face works.”
Gord Vendome:  “Can't tell if he's dating Terry or if they're mortal enemies. Either way, I like his sass.”
Justin Vandervelde:  “The shiniest hair this world has ever known. It's a good distraction from his ferret-face.”
Terrance Arbuckle: “I don't think I've ever seen him not angry. He can be such a girl sometimes.”

Teachers 

Edna: "This woman honestly cannot give less of a shit. Mad respect for that."
Miss Danvers:  “Not gonna lie, she's pretty fine from the neck down.”
Miss Peters:  “Miss Peters is the kinda person I wanna be when I grow up.”
Mr. Burton: “I see him yelling at Agent Brah a lot. Slow your roll, man.”
Mr. Galloway:  “Galloway's a pretty cool guy. He forgets to lock up his classroom after hours and keeps his 'tea' supply well-stocked under his desk. Maybe he's doing it on purpose, 'cause he really likes us or something.”
Mr. Hattrick:  “How does someone so awful even exist?”
Mr. Luntz:  “Shady character. Not sure whose side he's on.”
Mr. Matthews:  “Basically Indiana Jones. Hope he lets me be Short-Round on his next adventure.”
Mr. Wiggins:  “The coolest old guy ever. His stories are the best.”
Mrs. MacRae:  “Dunno why she's so grumpy whenever someone comes in for an ice pack or something. Woman, this is what you were hired to do. We're helping you keep your job.”
Ms. Phillips:  “I wonder who her dealer is.”
Neil:  “The man knows what's up.”

Prefects – 

Edward Seymour II:  “He's got kind of a news-anchor look about him.”
Karl Branting:  “Try to stay out of his way, if you can. He's the head prefect, so you'll get in more trouble with him.”
Max MacTavish:  “For such a big, tough guy, he's really got a way with words. I bet the ladies are all over that.”
Seth Kolbe:  “He says I'm the 'evildoer,' but he's got this supervillainy vibe to him. It's kinda confusing.”

Townies 

Clint (aka Henry):  “Seen him stealing hubcaps around town, but it's easy to steal them back. I hope he doesn't find out it's me that's been doing it, though. I hear he's crazy.”
Duncan:  -stares into space while Dreamweaver plays in the background-
Jerry:  “I hear he left Bullworth because he was too smart for school. That's pretty metal.”
Otto Tyler:  “I hope he doesn't find out I go to Bullworth – he can probably kick my ass seven times if he wanted to.”

Residents in the city of Bullworth – 
Dr. Bambillo:  “I had to go to him once when my tooth got knocked out, and he made me do art therapy while the anesthesia was wearing off. I thought I drew a t-rex but it turned out more like a cow. I sent it to my mom.”
Handy: “He's not as mean as everyone says – all you gotta do is give him a sandwich or something and he'll let you hang out with him and he'll tell you about life on the road. A man of the world, this man.”
Krakauer:  “I asked him what a 'scullery kitchen' was, and he told me I never would've gotten passed boot camp 'cause of my scrawny arms. Rude.”
Mihailovich:  “He keeps threatening to call the cops on us if we keep loitering outside his hotel, but I don't think he will, on account of all the bodies he's probably got hiding there. I haven't found any yet, though, 'cause the locks are hard to pick and he hears every time one of the windows breaks.”
Miss Abby:  “She thinks I'm her grandson, and it's kind of awesome. Grandmas are the best.”
Mr. Brekindale:  “Isn't he that rich old pornstar?”
Mr. Doolin:  “I met him outside city hall on his court date once. Really taught me the importance of not getting caught.”
Mr. Huntingdon:  “If you look dirty and depressed enough, he'll buy and sob-story and give you a free burger. Nice guy.”
Mr. Martin:  “I can sorta see why Wade's so wound-up.”
Osborne: “He tried to bro it up with Chaplin once, when we went to buy corndogs. It was really awkward.”
Stan: “Stan is such a cool dude. I feel like he really gets me, y'know? He says I can come work at his store when I'm old enough.”

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