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Aristophanes Index


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LYSISTRATA by Aristophanes, Part 15

CINESIAS
My god, what difference does that make? What I want is to make
love!
MYRRHINE (going out again)
Never fear-directly, directly! I'll be back in no time.
CINESIAS
The woman will kill me with her blankets!
MYRRHINE (coming back with a blanket)
Now, get yourself up.
CINESIAS (pointing)
I've got this up!
MYRRHINE
Wouldn't you like me to scent you?
CINESIAS
No, by Apollo, no, please don't!
MYRRHINE
Yes, by Aphrodite, but I will, whether you like it or not.
(She goes out again.)
CINESIAS
God, I wish she'd hurry up and get through with all this!
MYRRHINE (coming back with a flask of perfume)
Hold out your hand; now rub it in.
CINESIAS
Oh! in Apollo's name, I don't much like the smell of it; but
perhaps it will improve when it's well rubbed in. It does not
somehow smack of the marriage bed!
MYRRHINE
Oh dear! what a scatterbrain I am; if I haven't gone and brought
Rhodian perfumes!
CINESIAS
Never mind, dearest, let it go now.
MYRRHINE
You don't really mean that.
(She goes.)
CINESIAS
Damn the man who invented perfumes!
MYRRHINE (coming back with another flask)
Here, take this bottle.
CINESIAS
I have a better one allready for you, darling. Come, you provoking
creature, to bed with you, and don't bring another thing.
MYRRHINE
Coming, coming; I'm just slipping off my shoes. Dear boy, will you
vote for peace?
CINESIAS
I'll think about it. (MYRRHINE runs away.) I'm a dead man, she
is killing me! She has gone, and left me in torment! (in tragic
style) I must have someone to lay, I must! Ah me! the loveliest of
women has choused and cheated me. Poor little lad, how am I to give
you what you want so badly? Where is Cynalopex? quick, man, get him
a NURSE, do!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Poor, miserable wretch, baulked in your amorousness! what tortures
are yours! Ah! you fill me with pity. Could any man's back and loins
stand such a strain. He stands stiff and rigid, and there's never a
wench to help him!
CINESIAS
Ye gods in heaven, what pains I suffer!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Well, there it is; it's her doing, that abandoned hussy!
CINESIAS
No, no! rather say that sweetest, dearest darling.
(He departs.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
That dearest darling? no, no, that hussy, say I! Zeus, thou god of
the skies, canst not let loose a hurricane, to sweep them all up
into the air, and whirl them round, then drop them down crash! and
impale them on the point of this man's tool!
(A Spartan HeraLD enters; he shows signs of being in the same
condition as CINESIAS.)
HeraLD
Say, where shall I find the Senate and the Prytanes? I am bearer
of despatches.
(An Athenian MAGISTRATE enters.)
MAGISTRATE
Are you a man or a Priapus?
HeraLD (with an effort at officiousness)
Don't be stupid! I am a HeraLD, of course, I swear I am, and I
come from Sparta about making peace.
MAGISTRATE (pointing)
But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes, surely.
HeraLD (embarrassed)
No, nothing of the sort.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you turn away like that, and hold your cloak out
from your body? Have you got swellings in the groin from your journey?
HeraLD
By the twin brethren! the man's an old maniac.
MAGISTRATE
But you've got an erection! You lewd fellow!
HeraLD
I tell you no! but enough of this foolery.
MAGISTRATE (pointing)
Well, what is it you have there then?
HeraLD
A Lacedaemonian 'skytale.'
MAGISTRATE
Oh, indeed, a 'skytale,' is it? Well, well, speak out frankly; I
know all about these matters. How are things going at Sparta now?

 

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Aristophanes Index

 

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